NSFW – Fatback Media

It turns out that Justin Timberlake is up for an award at the MTV Movie Awards and both his ex, Cameron Diaz and his current girlfriend, Jessica Biel, will be there. I think MTV Movie Awards should come with a mandatory asterisk because, winning an MTV Award for acting is the equivalent of an astronaut getting a hand job from an elementary school science teacher for engineering achievements.

Besides my skillful use of the apostrophe, I’m also good at sizing up competitors in a street fight. And I’m going with Biel for the KO on this one.

Handlers are working overtime to prevent any drama between Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel at the June 3 MTV Movie Awards, where the dueling divas will meet for the first time since their Golden Globe dust-up last winter.

In January, Page Six reported that Diaz “blew up” at her then-recent ex, Justin Timberlake, when she spotted him flirting with his now-girlfriend Biel at an after-party at the Beverly Hills Hotel. This Sunday, the love triangle will reunite for the first time since the incident – on live TV.

Sources revealed that Diaz and Biel are both presenting awards at the ceremony, while Timberlake is nominated for best breakthrough performance for his role in “Alpha Dog.” (source)

I’m all for a good cat fight, but setting Jessica Biel loose on Cameron Diaz is pretty unfair. Maybe if she had to fight all Charlie’s Angel’s actresses (past and present) and Director McG and a polar bear that just had its eye poked, it would be a fair fight. Jessica Biel is scary hot. Like, I’d be scared to bang her, because if she got pissed off she might rip me in half. But I could so fall fast asleep in her loving, rippled, muscular arms.

More Jessica Biel , street fighting champ.

Super hot movie star Jessica Alba claims she’s “goofy”?. And my question is: Who cares? She can claim to be Rolanda Queen of the Nicaraguan Sunsets as long as she keeps making movies in a bikini. Nothing says acting chops like a string bikini. True story.

“People think of me as just a sexy girl,” the self-described “dork,” 26, says in the June issue of InStyle, “but I’m really goofy – like, super goofy.”

Not that she’s knocking her looks, which first made her famous on the 2000-02 TV series Dark Angel. “I had womanly curves at a young age,” she says. “Usually kid actors are a few years older than the roles they play. I was two or three years younger.” (source)

This is the point where I would call Jessica a conceited whore because I really think she is, but with that body, goofy or not, she could poke out your eye with a pencil sharpened on the sidewalk and you’d still line up to drink her bath water. Where I come from, having curves at a young age is not as sexy as it may sound. It pretty much relegates you to marriage by senior year, dropping out and living in a trailer park taking care of three dirty faced children while your husband, the former football captain, shows off his skills as the manager of the Piggly Wiggly. I’m not saying that southern teen mothers are trashy uneducated whores. Well actually, yes. Yes I am. But Jesus loves them, god bless ‘em, and that’s all that matters.

Here’s Jessica getting into some trouble with the law. You have the right to remain sexy. Owwww.

Call your mother. So she can slap your ass and spray-paint your panties ‘cause I’M BACK, BITCHES! Your favorite potty-mouthed sweetcake has resurfaced for some sexy, southern action and I figure there’s no better comeback than a nip-slip! Former “OC”? star Mischa Barton was caught by cameras last night in London at The Berkeley Hotel. Thank you, sweet cameraman…err, cameraperson, or whore. Whatever. We’re not sexist here at FB&C. Oh fuck it, yes we are.

I’ve traveled abroad, and it’s something about the jet lag and cheap first-class champagne that makes you want to show your tits on the street corner. Or maybe that’s just me? Cheerio! NSFW after the jump you dirty birds.

So this is the new Bionic Woman, Michelle Ryan. The series, which is set to debut this fall, is a remake of the original Bionic Woman of the 70’s that starred Lindsay Wagner (the chick from the sleep number commercials). Here’s what NBC has to say:

Struggling as a bartender and surrogate mom to her teen-aged sister, Jaime Sommers [Ryan] didn’t think life could get much harder. But when a devastating car accident leaves her at death’s door, Jaime’s only hope of survival is through a cutting-edge, top-secret technology that comes at a hefty price. (Source)

NBC call this a reimagination of the original, which means instead of a tennis pro, the bionic woman is a slutty shit talking bartender with big tits and an iPod with a handi-capped sister. Huge improvement over the original if you ask me. Plus Michelle Ryan is smokin’ hot. I took a look at the videos and the show looks like a cross between Alias, Heroes and La Femme Nikita except with a fat rack. Nothing says hero like big breastasizz. Here’smore of my hero the bionic woman and her bionically awesome boobies. PS. One of those is NSFW! Duhnuhnuhnuhnuhnuh.