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This is Sophia Bush at the Teen Choice Awards sitting with other actors who play teens but aren’t really. Besides being the choice of 98% of all human life, Sophia was also the big winner at the Teen Choice awards with three awards.

Choice Movie Breakout: Female, Choice Movie Actress: Horror/Thriller for “The Hitcher” and Choice Movie Actress: Comedy for “John Tucker Must Die.” (source)

I guess teens are really stupid because one those movies came out like 2 years ago.  Also,  The Hitcher was Rated R so how did they even see the movie? Maybe they didn’t. Teenagers are known to be liars. Especially the two 17 yr. olds from the Catholic Girl’s School who said that they were at a party at my house when one of them got pregnant. It was a threesome duh, how do you know it was me?

This is Sophia Bush on the beach in North Carolina where she participated in a local beach cleanup project sponsored by Barefoot Wine. Their slogan is “Get Barefoot and Leave only Footprints”. Hey, that’s a pun! I think the people in the background of pic 4 might have left footprints, as well as some cigarette butts and some chicken bones too. Score.

Sophia Bush is so impossibly pretty it’s ridiculous. Even when she’s picking up trash, she never looks bad. She’s one of those girls that always looks so pretty and clean and smells like expensive soap.

Links for you beach bums:

• Are you a lesbian? I bet you are you dirty bird. Find out with this quiz. (QR)
• John Mayer continues to lay all the hot chicks in the world. (Evil Beet)
• Janeane Garafolo is going to be on 24 this season. (Seriously OMG)
• Buffy 2 lookin’ goood. (Bastardly)
• Apparently every African American actor/singer/model/person in Hollywood is on the DL. (Celebrity Smack)
• Lindsay Lohan wants to be a singer. STFU, please. (Notorious)
• Some Disney show with hot chicks pretending to be in high school did something I think. (Downity)
• Fergie wears clothes and is kinda hot. (Gabsmash)
• Paris Hilton still can’t dress. Whore. (DS)
• Pete Doherty proves that there is no law enforcement in England. (Gossip or truth)
• Cute Collge Girl of the week: Laura from Meredith College (College Humor)
• Carrie Underwood sings with Vince Niel for some reason. (Bump Shack)

I don’t think I’ve made it a secret how I feel about Katharine McPhee and her two American Idols, but I think I may have just converted to an Assman. Katharine McPhee is set to play a supporting role in the new Anna Faris film House Bunny, where she’ll play a sorority girl with a little problem.

“I am the hippie girl who is free-spirited and gets knocked up and has no father around. I think my whole gimmick is being pregnant,” she said of her role in the comedy, which centers on a former Playboy Playmate (Anna Faris) who signs up to be the house mother at a sorority. “We have all these outfits that I wear that no pregnant woman — I don’t care how hot you are — should ever be wearing.” (source)

Who says pregnant chicks can’t be hot n’ sexy? Pregnant women are glowing and radiant and full of life. They’re also fat and mean with hairy stomachs and an outtie that looks like a Vienna sausage and sometimes they try to kill their babies. Rreeeow.

Homer Simpson is a white hot sexual celebrity. If you don’t agree with me, then fuck off. Woman across the planet succumb to men with his wiley charms every minute. This should give some of you hope, yet.

Anyway, a 180 foot Homer was painted next to a 16th century outline of a pagan fertility god Britain. Homer holds high his tasty favor, while the fertility god holds high…um, another sort of favor. Pagans all over have their heathen panties in a celtic knot over this publicity stunt promoting the new Simpson’s movie. They promise to have a magic rain ritual cermony so it will wash away the special biodegradable paint. Witches. Bitches. Want some cheese with that whine? Mmmmm. Cheeeeese.Source and image via:BBC.co.uk

Find out what Homer does with his delicious pastry after the jump.

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What’s hotter that a cute chick in a wife-beater walking a pit bull? Nothing. Especially if the dog is listening. This is Sophia Bush walking a dog that looks like Backup when he was a puppy. The cool thing about walking a pit bull (or American Bulldog as the case may be) is that nobody will fuck with you. Kinda like when I’m walking with my lady friends. Anybody tries to fuck with them and they will get a taste of the double guns I call Lefty and Righty. Like just the other day some dude started talking trash and got rowdy so he wound up on the wrong end of a body slam. It was so badass that I lost my job - for keeping it too real. Evidently, a grown man in a giant rat suit is not supposed to throw children into to the plastic ball pit. Some people have no vision. LINKS.

• Abagail Clancy is nude. (DS)
• Madonna will show you the POWER of the Dark SIIIIDE. (Yeeeah)
• Alyssa Milano has hairy arms, although I’ve never looked at that part. (IBBB)
• CoCo floats in Ice Tea. That kind works, right? (IDLYITW)
• Emma Watson caption contest for the pervs. (Bastardly)
• Captivity really sucked. Even by our standards. Damn. (Pajiba)
• Shia Leboeuf says he’s a comedian. Heh heh. His name means beef. (DHail)
• Mathew Perry is banging Meg Ryan. BING! (gabsmash)
• Lots of girls like to show their boobies on College Humor ( CH)

Last Friday, Eva Longoria of Horny, er, I mean, Desperate Housewives hitched herself to NBA star Tony Parker in Paris. They couldn’t wait until today for the ‘official’ wedding because of French statutes. The couple has been engaged since November, and despite the celibacy rumor, Tony has more than likely been scoring baskets much longer. Did they believe we were going to buy the ‘no sex’ thing? A few rumors have reached my ears that they wished to be officially married before Tony got to see anything ‘deep in the heart of Texas’. Shyeeeeeeah. Right.

Eva and Tony made their union legal in a civil ceremony on July 6 in Paris, as required by French law.

The Desperate Housewives star chose a short pink Chanel dress for her first walk down the aisle and Parker wore a dark suit. (source)

Eva Longoria, who’s a triple threat (burning hot, southern and a sports fan) , attended Spurs games frequently. Valkyrie is of the opinion that Eva wanted to pick up a few extra mil via Tony’s salary, along with the best seats the house, so she came out of that deal sitting pretty - literally. But, with a body like hers, Eva could have her pick of the team. But I’m not starting any rumors… Here’s more Eva at her civil ceremony wedding in Paris last week. Pink is the new white I guess?

Hayden Panetierre pumping gas folks. This is what it’s come to. A jail bait actress pumping gas at a Quiki Mart in LA is top shelf news today. Mundane images of actors are the new hotness. Bask. Bask. The gossip world will be turned on its diamonique studded pierced ear. Guaranteed, these shots will be on Extra and Access Hollywood tonight with riveting headlines like, Hollywood Teen Heroically Pumps Gas, or Hayden’s Heroism Fuels Car, or TV’s Hero is jailbate for 38 more months you pervs. Billy Bush will be all over this like Princess Di on a tunnel wall. I’m all over the headlines bitches, so eat the links.

• In the interest of fair balance, here’s an article about some hot dude. (Back Seat Cuddler)
• Demi Moore MILF-ing it up with some See Thru nipples. (Yeeeah)
• Lindsay Lohan puts the drugs and fun back into rehab. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Missy Peregrym is a hero. Who should be naked. That’s HEROIC. (Bastardly)
• Paris’ Car gets repo’s. What a poor bitch. (Celebitchy)
• More dude posts: Sting’s stinger for you ladies and any dudes that are into that shit. (Seriously OMG)
• Random hot naked chick at College Humor. (CH)

Chad Michael Murray (this handsome and happy fellow here) was apparently a bit of a bitch and a “jealous diva” when it came to other male actors filming scenes for One Tree Hill with (his now ex-wife) Sophia Bush. This is despite the fact that he cheated on Sophia during their engagement and during their (brief) marriage with Paris Hilton and several other girls. The jealous behavior allegedly continued even after the two had split.

A friend of John Cates, who played “Rusty” (a rival of Murray’s character “Lucas”) for three episodes in the third season, said Murray was responsible for ending his stint on the series. “Chad told producers, ‘It’s no more John Cates or no more Chad Michael Murray,’ because he thought John and Sophia were flirting,” said the friend. Another insider said, “Chad was a terror to work with. Writers kept plotting him and John against each other, and Chad took it seriously. He told everyone on set he couldn’t stand John, and finally producers wrote him off the show.” (source)

Who the fuck would cheat on Sophia Bush? I’ve watched One Tree Hill a few times. In case you haven’t seen it, it’s a high school drama set near Wilmington NC and has all the plot of a post-it note. The upside is that the “students” wear miniskirts and show a lot of cleave. The downside is Chad Michael Murray with his frosted tips and half ass beard trying to act forlorn and emote. And another thing, who the fuck would cheat on Sophia Bush? Dude, you look like David Caruso and David Spade had a kid. WTF happened there? Paris Hilton? That makes about as much sense as 26 year old actors playing high school students. Here are some candids of Sophia Bush shopping and one pic of Sophia and Chad at their wedding rehearsal. So happy.

It turns out that Justin Timberlake is up for an award at the MTV Movie Awards and both his ex, Cameron Diaz and his current girlfriend, Jessica Biel, will be there. I think MTV Movie Awards should come with a mandatory asterisk because, winning an MTV Award for acting is the equivalent of an astronaut getting a hand job from an elementary school science teacher for engineering achievements.

Besides my skillful use of the apostrophe, I’m also good at sizing up competitors in a street fight. And I’m going with Biel for the KO on this one.

Handlers are working overtime to prevent any drama between Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel at the June 3 MTV Movie Awards, where the dueling divas will meet for the first time since their Golden Globe dust-up last winter.

In January, Page Six reported that Diaz “blew up” at her then-recent ex, Justin Timberlake, when she spotted him flirting with his now-girlfriend Biel at an after-party at the Beverly Hills Hotel. This Sunday, the love triangle will reunite for the first time since the incident - on live TV.

Sources revealed that Diaz and Biel are both presenting awards at the ceremony, while Timberlake is nominated for best breakthrough performance for his role in “Alpha Dog.” (source)

I’m all for a good cat fight, but setting Jessica Biel loose on Cameron Diaz is pretty unfair. Maybe if she had to fight all Charlie’s Angel’s actresses (past and present) and Director McG and a polar bear that just had its eye poked, it would be a fair fight. Jessica Biel is scary hot. Like, I’d be scared to bang her, because if she got pissed off she might rip me in half. But I could so fall fast asleep in her loving, rippled, muscular arms.

More Jessica Biel , street fighting champ.

Super hot movie star Jessica Alba claims she’s “goofy”?. And my question is: Who cares? She can claim to be Rolanda Queen of the Nicaraguan Sunsets as long as she keeps making movies in a bikini. Nothing says acting chops like a string bikini. True story.

“People think of me as just a sexy girl,” the self-described “dork,” 26, says in the June issue of InStyle, “but I’m really goofy – like, super goofy.”

Not that she’s knocking her looks, which first made her famous on the 2000-02 TV series Dark Angel. “I had womanly curves at a young age,” she says. “Usually kid actors are a few years older than the roles they play. I was two or three years younger.” (source)

This is the point where I would call Jessica a conceited whore because I really think she is, but with that body, goofy or not, she could poke out your eye with a pencil sharpened on the sidewalk and you’d still line up to drink her bath water. Where I come from, having curves at a young age is not as sexy as it may sound. It pretty much relegates you to marriage by senior year, dropping out and living in a trailer park taking care of three dirty faced children while your husband, the former football captain, shows off his skills as the manager of the Piggly Wiggly. I’m not saying that southern teen mothers are trashy uneducated whores. Well actually, yes. Yes I am. But Jesus loves them, god bless ‘em, and that’s all that matters.

Here’s Jessica getting into some trouble with the law. You have the right to remain sexy. Owwww.