No, I am not implying, nor should you infer that sexy, southern Emily Proctor is the anti-Christ. I’m saying that all women are devils, duh. Sexy devils. Anyway, ’tis the season for friends, happiness and joy and all that shit. So here are some X-mas linX to get you all in the spirit of thingX.

• “Christmas Wishes from the Antichrist”. Check my new story over at Collegehumor.com and don’t forget to vote for it when you’re done. (College Humor)
• New Bastardly Jailbait Lady of the Day (Bastardly)
• Are you sexy and southern? Know someone who is? Or just wanted to pimp this site on your thong? But some X-mas gifts! (FB&C Store)
• Tara Reid. Drunk again. Redundant much? (Smart)
• Want good gadgets for cheap? Check out this totally unsolicited link. (BCD)
• The Jolie-Pitts look like the “it’s a small world” ride at Disney. (Tabloid Whore)
• More boobies with college names drunkenly scrawled on them. Sexy not trashy. For reals. (College humor)
• Pauly Shore is a faker. Idiot. (Celebslam)

This is Shawnee Smith who plays Amanda in the Saw movies. Not only is she smokin’ hot she just happens to be from a little town in South Carolina which qualifies her for the FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). Oh, don’t bother checking the archives, this is the first time we’ve done this, but hopefully it will catch on, and my inbox will be filled with jealous southern girls trying to make the cut. Bless your hearts.
The judging panel of experts which consists of me and my penis, agreed unanimously that Shawnee is the epitome of irreverent sexy southern hotness with a dash of danger thrown in. Nothing like the fear of homicide to add a little spice to your sex life. You can find out the more about Shawnee at the ultra up-to-date IMDB to see all her roles, but she’ll always be Dr. Jessie O’Neil, Firewalker to me.

[BTW. If you got that last reference you're either really, really good at trivia or you're reading this from your mom's basement. Troll.]

“Surface” is an expansive drama series that centers on the appearance
of mysterious sea creatures in the deep ocean — and tracks the lives
of a variety of characters.

I usually go for the sci-fi genre, being a quantum physical chemist and all, so this show seemed right up my alley. The heroine of the show Dr. Laura Daughtry’s (Lake Bell) character is a refreshing take on the usual stereotypical “nerd-scientist” role normally seen in in the banal, hackneyed shows on prime time tv. And by refreshing, I mean she has ginormous boobies. Ginormous. And they’re always in center frame. The producers are not sexist though, the show portrays Daughtry as:

[A] young oceanographer who discovers the secret; Government Scientist Dr.
Aleksander Cirko and Pentagon Official
Davis Lee , who both try to keep things
under wraps

One thing they don’t keep under wraps? Right, her boobies. The entire show is shot in down south near Wilmington NC and the animal effects are developed in LA. Lake Bell reportedly doesn’t like the water so the scenes in the scenes on th boat were particularly hard to shoot.

“I’m not a big fan of the ocean because
I’m scared of what lies beneath,” Bell said recently during a break in
filming of NBC’s “Surface.” Among her fears: undertow and Portuguese
man-of-war jellyfish.

“But as a pseudo-action star, I have to jump in … to literally jump in and go,” she said.

And on “Surface,” that means working on the water – be it in the ocean, on a boat or hanging out poolside.

Its slow day so I really don’t know where I am going with this but here are some more pictures of Lake Bell (after the jump).

A couple… hits the doldrums in their seventh year of marriage. To
inject some life into their union, they decide to take a two-week
sabbatical from each other during which, within a set of rules, they
can do whatever they want. When the wife returns to the agreed-upon
meeting place two weeks later, however, she discovers that her husband
has disappeared.

According to HecklerSpray, Jennifer Garner will appear nude in this film.

Jennifer Garner wants it all right now. In the last few months she’s
got married to Ben Affleck and let him get her pregnant. And then, as her
hormone-crazed body is at the height of it’s postnatal weirdness, she’s going to
walk around in front of a camera naked for the forthcoming Disney
erotic thriller Sabbatical.

I usually don’t watch erotic thrillers because my life is basically one big erotic thriller. I never know what’s going to happen next. Unquenchable desires. Intrigue and forbidden exploration. Set against the backdrop of the big city where a killer roams. A killer, who can not be stopped. So in light of that I have nice NSFW nip-slip shot of Jennifer Garner for your dark desires.

One of Kidman’s security guards spotted the device near a sidewalk
outside the Oscar-winning actress’ lavish harbor-front mansion in
January.

Police later alleged that celebrity photographer Jamie Fawcett, 43,
had been captured on security camera footage near the house around the
time the bug was planted.

The Waverley Local Court in April ordered Fawcett to supply police with
a DNA sample to be compared with samples allegedly found on the
listening device.

Apparently, Jamie forgot the first rule of espionage: Don’t pleasure yourself on the bug you’re planting at the target’s house, wait till you get back to the van. Its pretty simple to follow.Here’s a good way to find out where you’re going wrong. Right after you connect the audio leads to the junction box, STOP. Now look down. If your pants are down and your right hand is in your underwear, then you fucked up. It happens to best of us. (Sorry about your window Mindy).

The interesting thing about this article is how awesome Australian laws are. Even though a bug was planted by the photographer on camera,

"There was no evidence before the court that the device was ever
used or caused to be used to record or listen to a conversation," Judge
Michael Grove said in his judgment.

He also ordered Detective Malcolm Nimmo, who brought the matter to court, to pay Fawcett’s legal costs.

That just shows you how much better the legal system is in Australia. If I weren’t the subject of litigation right now I would tell that hard-nosed, gumshoe at the 27th Precinct to kiss my ass.