NSFW – Fatback Media

Gwyneth Paltrow says no to drugs and yes to boredom. The recent mom who no longer does any drugs says that her abstinence is not a sign of ennui but of contentment. Handbag has the details.

The Proof actress, who is currently pregnant with her second child,
blames her sobriety for her dull image, but her maintains her
abstinence from stimulants is a sign of contentment.

  She says, "There is this perception of us in this country, like, oh, they’re quite boring.

  "They do yoga and they stay home watching UK Gold.

  "I think we’re happy. We’re not looking for other things in life. We like our house. We like our kid. We like our friends.

"I think it’s sort of funny how you have to be doing coke off the
ass of some stripper to be perceived as not boring these days.")

Not just some stripper Gwynnie, a hot Russian stripper on a bear skin rug wearing one of those big furry Russian miltary hats, while her stripper friends pour Polish buffalo grass vodka all over your back. Wait. What? At any rate, Gwyneth Paltrow shouldn’t be concerned about what other people think. Settling down with a morose British whiner and having two children doesn’t make you boring. Wait. Yes it does. Just to show that I am an Ambassador of wolrd peace here is a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow when it was cool do do coke off of her ass.

Scarlett Johansson reportedly used restraint at the 2006 Golden Globes Red Carpet event when Issac Mizrahi groped her breast. Apparently, she was upset by the incident but didn’t smack him because he is gay.(source)

Scarlett Johansson is beyond furious at
the designer-turned-cabaret performer/turned "E!" red carpet
interviewer Isaac Mizrahi. His handling of her bosom at the Golden
Globes pre-show shocked the star.

She said to friends, "If he hadn’t been gay, I would have slapped him."

See, that’s where people go wrong right there. Issac Mizrahi is completely punchable on many levels, regardless of his sexual orientation. I’m pretty sure if I were reporter covering the Golden Globes and I saw Issac Mizrahi, I would just break ranks and punch him repeatedly in the face – on camera. Then I would interview myself on how it was to punch Isaac Mizrahi in the face at the Golden Globes. When I won my Pulitzer, I would thank myself and Scarlett Johansson and then I would run right over to Issac Mizrahi’s house and punch him in the face; just to keep it real.

More pictures of Scarlett Johansson kickin’ it at the after-party in that banging red dress after the jump.

Read more »

In the no-shit-sherlock news event of the year, Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Really? Nooo. Really, for reals? Well, no shit. You know, I hate to beat a dead horse but I’m pretty sure we have all known that for weeks. In fact, my homie KS over at AllThisNonsense.com broke this story from a super secret and reliable source weeks ago; even though some of our elders would have you believe differently. I even added my own spin to the whole situation shortly thereafter. But no harm no foul right? Much love to our  betters. Here’s what People magazine had to say:

Angelina Jolie, 30, is expecting a baby this summer with Brad Pitt, 42,
PEOPLE reports in its latest issue. "Yes, I’m pregnant," Jolie said
Monday, shortly after arriving in the Dominican Republic. She is there
filming The Good Shepard with Matt Damon and is working with the charity Yele Haiti. Jolie and Pitt are already the parents of Maddox, 4, and Zahara, 1.

I just wonder how the natural child will be treated compared to the adopted children. Because you know how that works. Once  little ‘Aryan’ gets older, Brad and Angelina will start to favor him more and more. Pretty soon Maddox and Zahara are wearing uniforms and cleaning up after Master Jolie-Pitt and living in the attic telling each other stories of what it will be like when their real mommies and daddies, who are undoubtedly princes and princesses, come back to rescue them. They’ll come back one day, Maddie! I just know it! It’s okay Zahara…have you ever seen a unicorn cry?

Oh yeah, just so I don’t get my inbox flooded with hatemail. I am, uh…happy for them or something.

"Assuredly we bring not innocence not the world, we
bring impurity much rather: that which purifies us is trial, and trial
is by what is contrary." – John Milton.

UPDATE: The effervescently sexy gals over at Glitterati Gossip are reporting that AJ is due in May, which means she got pregnant last fall, which is what I have been saying all along.

Jessica Simpson, apparently not satisfied with cheating on her husband during their whole marriage, has now resorted to calling soon-to-be ex-husband Nick Lachey and trying to break what spirit he has left.

Nick’ was allegedly very surprised when he got that first late-night call from his soon-to-be ex Jessica says an ‘insider.’

The insider claims that during the call Jessica talked in a baby
voice, saying things like "Whatcha doing? Where are you?" and "I miss
you, sweetie."

Adds a source close to Jessica, 25: "I hear she’s called Nick
several times, and each time she’s been very emotional. Maybe after
she’s had a few glasses of wine, she gets the desire to phone and pour
her heart out. I don’t think she’s over him yet. She’s very confused
and just can’t let go."

If Nick was smart he would just hang up the phone when he heard her voice. Obviously, he’s a glutton for punishment, or maybe he wanted to borrow those strappy stillettos again. I have a PhD in Sweet, Sweet Lovin’ so I can tell you this: When your recent ex calls in the middle of the night and is all whatcha doin’ that means one of two things:

1. You broke up with her and she is drunk and literally outside your door with a gun and a suicide note in her pocket.
2. She broke up with you and is drunk but her girlfriends are all busy and she just watched The Notebook so she needs to cry with someone but is all don’t come over now let’s get together soon etc, etc.

If you get Case 1 then lock the doors, call the police and settle in for a long night. DO NOT answer the door. If you get Case 2 aka "The Jessica Simpson", then hang up as soon as you hear her voice and drive over and have sex with her sister, aka "The Rodeo". Or ask to borrow those sassy Manolo’s that fit you just right, you dirty bird.