NSFW - Fatback Media

Britney Spears wants another baby with husband Kevin Federline. She has reportedly said that she wants to give her son a sibling soon, "the sooner the better" she recently told In Touch Weekly. According to MSNBC:

“Britney was advised to wait at least three months after her baby’s
birth before trying to get pregnant again,” a “friend” told the mag.
“Now that that’s passed, she wants to try right away.”

Spears reportedly is hoping for a girl this time around, and is
actually thinking that another baby will help smooth out her rocky
relationship with Federline. “She is hoping another baby will
strengthen her marriage to Kevin,” another friend told the mag.

How better to fill the void of a loveless marriage to a freeloading redneck than to have another baby with him as soon as your C-Section scar heals. That really worked out for Shar Jackson. Except, not really. Britney needs to learn that children are not a substitute for love, nor will they bind a relationship that was broken to begin with. I think my mom put it best when she told me I was getting a new little brother,"God damn it! I ‘m pregnant again. That’s gonna cut into your rations. Now go by me a carton of Kools!". Oh, she was so silly like that. Like I was even old enough to buy smokes then.

Apparently, Jessica Simpson has been quite busy lately having a long string of affairs to help her through the hard times. She has already been linked with Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera, the latest is that she had a fling with Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine.

According to a well-placed Lowdown spy,
Simpson and Levine had their forbidden tryst in early September 2004,
after a long night of partying with Jessica’s personal assistant, CaCee
Cobb, and M5 drummer Ryan Dusick at L.A.’s Sunset Marquis Hotel.

"Jessica and Adam were very close in the booth, and she kept putting
her hand on his leg," says the eyewitness. "It was obvious … that
something weird was going on. A few days later, Adam was talking about
how he and Jessica had ‘gotten it on’ in the hotel that night.
Apparently it was just kind of a fling."

And if my math serves me, that would put her right at 3 months pregnant. But my money is still on Johnny Knoxville as the baby-daddy. I have done some deep soul searching and I can not, for life of me, see why Jessica would unleash the glory contained in her MaidenForm for a snively little whiner like Adam Levine. He is the vocal equivalent of a velicoraptor. Not even a velociraptor though, just that little skull cavity fossil that they found in Jurassic Park 3. Except more nasal. My girlfriend thinks he’s hot and loves his music. My girlfriend could also kick his ass with one sexy hand tied behind her back.

UPDATE: So kickass reader c-diddy realized that my math may not be right-on. The alleged affair happened back in 2004 not in Sept. of this year. In my defense, I am insane. I still think she is pregnant with Johnny Knoxville’s spawn. 2004, 2005…whatever it takes.

Looks like Kevin Federline got is Ferrari back. I don’t know if I have ever met someone who is a higher candidate for blunt-force trauma than Kevin Federline. He has nothing to offer but…well nothing. At least most of the celebutant coat-tail riders today like the Laguna Bitches, Nicole Ritchey and Paris Hilton can pull their tops off in the absense of any redeeming social skills. K-Fed is just a waste. I am not advocating smashing his face in with a huge brick or anything. Wait, yes I am. The mixture of hatred and disappointment that I feel when I see him in this $250,000.00 Ferarri at a McDonald’s drive-through is a little like seeing your little sister walk out of a strip club at 7:00am because her shift is over. To be fair my sister doesn’t work at a strip club. She works at a wellness spa that offers Asian deep tissue massage (with release).

Alright, so this isn’t exactly breaking news. I am sure you have heard all about the Nick and Jessica break-up at any number of reputable web-sites. Well if there is one thing that this site isn’t, it’s reputable. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we are the dirtiest, most disreputable site on the internets. Which is why, dear reader, you are reading this right now. Do you want journalism with cited sources and evidence? Hells no!  You want the dirt. We have it. Even if we make it up and pay people to make it true. That’s the American way, by God. And we are fucking Americans. Except for the IT guy. Oh, and the hosting provider (they’re Canadian?). Uh, and the head writer and the copy editor. Yeah, but everyone else is grade A, fucking red, white and blue, baby. So in light of that. I offer this little bit of insight about the so called break up of one Ms. Jessica Simpson and Mr. Nick Lachey. The carefully excecuted media spin by Joe Simpson reports over the holiday went like this:

"After
three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have
decided to part ways. This is the mutual decision of two people with an
enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that
you respect our privacy during this difficult time."

According to reports, the "last straw" for Jessica was last week when Nick was seen at a NASCAR Porn party (wtf?).

Lachey and fellow newly single pal A.J.
DiScala hit Miami Beach nightclub Mansion at around 1 a.m. Saturday,
unwittingly walking into a party hosted by Hustler publisher Larry
Flynt and porn star Ron Jeremy.Once they realized they were at an X-rated bash, Lachey and DiScala beat a hasty retreat.

And by hasty retreat, I mean they stayed all night long. Here’s the part you came for: Last week we reported that Jessica Simpson was (well might be) pregnant. Then, a week later she called it quits with her husband Nick Lachey. In a news flash that I just made up, it appears that she is pregnant but not with Nick’s baby. According to some super-foxy friends of my girlfriend that I met in Connecticut, pictures of Jessica taken during her recent trip to Africa showed that her roots were long overdue for a touch-up.  (I. to tha mutha fuckin’ E.–she’s pregnant*.) The made-up source that I interviewed for this story went on to say that she’s pregnant with Johnny Knoxville’s baby. Knoxville, who starred with Jessica in the recent dud "the Dukes of Hazzard" declined comment. In fact, I declined to interview him. Fucking Hollywood stars and their stupid unlisted numbers.

*Whoa. A non-sequiter, an insult, a claim with no basis in fact, and a rip-off of another blogger all in one statement. Gold. Pure gold.

Paris Hilton has a monkey. It’s been a pretty slow day and now this. If you’re like me then when you read that headline the first thing that went through your head was "What the fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck?"  A goddamn monkey. I rarely rant. really. Fuck it I need some time. Here’s the article:

Baby Luv, went bananas when she took the peeved primate on a lingerie shopping spree in Las Vegas last weekend. We’re told that Baby Luv bit Hilton and clawed her face when she walked into the Agent Provocateur shop at Caesars on Saturday with the beast on her shoulder. Paris managed to pull Baby Luv off her and hooked his leash to a cabinet while she rang up $4,000 worth of bras and panties and a bullwhip, says our eyewitness.

Later that night, when the lingerie line hosted Kelly Osbourne’s 21st birthday bash at the Hard Rock, Baby Luv escaped from Hilton’s clutches — delaying the start of the Agent Provocateur show until staffers found him after a 20-minute search.

It escaped, huh? Yeah, well no shit dumbass! ITS. A. GOD. DAMN. MONKEY. I wish I was an heiress, then I could play with all the magical creatures in the land and have them do my bidding. Then when I go tired of them I would make my rich, powerful daddy have them removed. I don’t even know how to finish this post. Guaranteed, Paris has a Lemur purse by Christmas.

And by stylish, I mean not at all. Not much going on today so I think I’ll just talk about my love for Cloe Sevigny. And by love I mean she is a dirty freak. Now we have all seen the Brown Bunny Blow job clip so there is really no reason for me to link it. None at all. But I will.
Link to Cloe Sevigny giving a guy a fucking blowjob because she is a classy artist.
I don’t know what all the fuss is about her. According to IMDB:

Known in the mid to late nineties for her status as a fashion
impresario and "it girl," with over a dozen art house films to her
credit, Chloe Sevigny also stands out as one of the most prominent
queens of contemporary independent cinema.

I think her fashion sense speaks for itself and, as for her acting- I liked her as Odette in Palmetto but that’s about it. I guess she could be hot in that non-traditional Piggly Wiggly cashier way, but I just don’t see it. But to prove that I am not a mysogynistic meany-pants I have posted few not-so-shitty images of Cloe after the jump.

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In order to boost her career, Mischa Barton was reportedly told by her publicist to have sex with Leonardo DiCaprio.

Mischa, 19,
has confessed when she and Craig [Schneider, her publicist] spotted the ‘Titanic’ star, who
recently split from Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen, at a
photoshoot in Malibu, he turned to her and said: "For the sake of your
career, go and sleep with that man".

But the sexy star said she was put off dating DiCaprio because he is
ten years older than her and she isn’t interested in dating older men.
She told Britain’s Harpers and Queen magazine: "Isn’t Leo like, 30, or
something?".

Those are strong words for a girl who was topless with 28 year old Enrique Iglasius in music video when she was 17. The fact that the only reason Mischa didn’t bang a famous person to advance her career was that he was "too old" only solidifies my faith in human nature and the power of true love. And by true love I mean I have a screen play ladies. "I’ll make ya famous".

Mindy McCready is set to appear on Oprah Winfrey today to discuss the sordid events in her life of this past year.

Troubled country star MINDY McCREADY has spoken out about her personal problems for the first time since attempting suicide this summer (05).

The pregnant GUYS DO IT ALL THE TIME singer sat down for a chat with US talk show queen OPRAH WINFREY to reveal she’s determined to fight her problems, which include charges on drug and alcohol abuse, head on.

And she insists she never really intended to kill herself when she suffered a drugs overdose in a Florida hotel in July (05).

Fighting back tears, she tells Oprah, “I don’t think I wanted to die.”

The singer, who was once engaged to actor DEAN CAIN, also reveals she has visited her imprisoned ex-boyfriend, WILLIAM McKNIGHT, who she accused of breaking into her Tennessee home and beating her until she was unconscious to reveal he’s the father of her unborn baby.

The couple has now reconciled and McCready is confident her boyfriend will never hit her again: “I don’t think so, I hope not.”

“I don’t think so”. Well, that’s good enough for me. I guess this little fairy tale will work out just fine then. Nothing like a little blunt force trauma to a pregnant chick to really cement a relationship. I know that some readers may be incited to anger or even violence toward William McKnight because of this story, but I am a peace loving gentle soul so I will offer this advice. 7mm, 200 yards (no wind), center of mass. God Bless.

Angelina Jolie has reportedly broken the spirit of Brad Pitt. He was overheard making a distraught phone call to her from the set of his new movie about Jessie James.

Pitt broke down while on the set of "The Assassination of Jesse James" in Calgary in an alleged panicked cell phone call to Angie.

"I can’t live without you," Brad reportedly pleaded to Angie in what is described as an animated cell phone call.

Brad was reportedly distraught looking before getting Angie on the phone in the courtyard outside of the production office.  He allegedly was struggling with his scenes before taking the break to make his phone call.

Apparently just the sound of the sultry Jolie’s voice got Brad back on track as the actor then reportedly calmed down and was back to work on the set according to a "source" cited by the tabloid.

"He seemed calmed," after the call an onlooker spilled to CI.

Tyler Fucking Durden. WTF? In his defense, she has done this before. Behold the wrath that is the Angelina.

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Apparently, the appetites of this woman are insatiable. Its not enough that she is in the top 3 of hottest women in the solar system, and she is banging the (from what I hear) hottest guy in the solar system (present company excluded of course), she’s rich and famous and powerful and naked most of the time. Wait. Scratch that last one, I was going through my image library.

Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie, who is dating actor Brad Pitt, is planning to adopt her third child.

The Tomb Raider star, who is already mother to two adopted children - four-year-old Cambodian boy Maddox and nine-month-old daughter Zahara from Ethiopia - is very excited about adopting another child.

"Most of the night I just thought about how quickly I want to adopt again. It’s a very special thing. There’s something about making a choice, waking up and travelling somewhere and finding your family," the Mirror quoted her as saying.

From what I understand,  her idea of adoption involves snatching the first kid that grabs her leg when she gets off the plane in a third world country. I’m all for adoption and helping out underprivileged  nations but starting your own "It’s a small world ride" is not a good reason to adopt children. Believe me, I tried it. Only I used midgets. Union midgets. So  I guess you  know how that turned out.