NSFW - Fatback Media » Stuff that I hate…

Courtney Love is Finally Sober

Fatback — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 15:23:12 +0000

Hey y’all Emily here. Total fucking psychopath Courtney Love says she had help with her recent recovery from drugs: Mel Gibson. Whaa…? I don’t get it either.

While she was doing drugs with some men in a posh Beverly Hills hotel room, Love revealed on Tuesday’s Good Morning America, the leading man – who himself only recently underwent his own sobering experience – showed up along with addiction counselor Warren Boyd.

“Mel kept coming to the door with this cheesy grin going, ‘Hi!’” Love said. “I just kept looking at him going, ‘Blank off!’ … I know him and he’s a nice guy, but it just didn’t matter who it was. It could have been Jesus. I didn’t care.”
Love, 42, was ordered into a rehab program in August 2005 after tearfully admitting in court that she’d used drugs in violation of her probation terms. At that point, she knew it was either rehab or jail. (source)

Look, I know I’m not always on the gravy train with cool kids like Ivanka Trump or Topher Grace (by the way, they’re banging), but I do know looking to self-righteous movie stars for validation isn’t on America’s top list of “cool things to do when you’re sober and can’t find a willing hooker”. Or is it? I need to get out more. Of course, now it doesn’t seem so radical to call on the big JC for advice when my last ex dumped me for his exponentially crazier new co-worker who doesn’t even have this charming southern accent. Makes sense, right? Fuck no! So I got my revenge with his hot second-cousin twice-removed from Spain. He didn’t know two sentences in English, but he said all the right things with his hands. Aye, Papi!

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Paris Hilton made a Lesbian Sex Tape

Fatback — Mon, 20 Feb 2006 17:08:58 +0000

Paris Hilton has reportedly made another sex tape. I know surprise surprise. Has she ever had sex without a camera running? That’s Paris above, wearing a pink dress and 2 months pregnant with another soon to be discarded fetus. Stem cells are Hott! The only reason I even mention this is because the sex tape is with a girl. A hot girl, Playboy model Nicole Lenz. Female First had this:

The hotel heiress allegedly made the “horniest videotape of all time” with Playboy beauty Nicole Lenz.The
model claims she romped with Paris – who unintentionally starred in
X-rated home movie ‘One Night In Paris’ with ex-boyfriend Rick Solomon
- for the camera in 2003.

The pair had checked into a £500-a-night suite at the Bellagio Hotel, in Las Vegas, after a night out partying when things allegedly got steamy.

Lenz is quoted in Britain’s News of the World newspaper as saying:
“The moment we were in the room Paris had only one thing on her mind -
sex.

“We lied down on a king size bed and took it in turns to play with
each other. It wasn’t long before we were naked and rolling around
together.”

She added: “We just pleasured each other for hours, recording it all.

“Paris had brought all manner of sex toys – to make sure we
didn’t miss out on anything simply because there was no man in bed with
us!”

Exactly one-half of this story is hot. And that’s the part where Paris Hilton is not mentioned. I can forgive Nicole Lenz for doing it though, because I think she’s foreign and foreigners think the US is all happy cowboys and MTV and they think Paris Hilton is someone we like and not a disease ridden porn star, whom we revile.

Years of denial and mental trauma have taught me to block out unsettling images and replace them with safe comfortable images. So, I have replaced the part of Paris Hilton with Kristanna Lokken on the Lesbian sex tape that I have playing in my mind right now. Mmmm. T3.

For those of you without penises, that’s Nicole on the left and Kristanna on the right. More NSFW images after the jump. It’s a holiday people. Like you’re even awake yet.

Nicole Lenz

Kristanna Lokken

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Jennifer Aniston Doesn’t get it

Fatback — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 23:53:35 +0000

Jennifer Aniston is reportedly finally finished with ex-husband Brad Pitt. Recently she stated that she was finally trying to move on with her life and start a family of her own.

According to pals, she no longer even
talks to Brad, 42, now that they have finalized the divorce, reports
The National Enquirer. "Jen is cutting off ties once and for all and
is moving on with her life," and insider tells the weekly.

This would be a very good move for Jen. Earlier Cindy Adams
reported the couple spent a late night at the Beverly Hills Hotel and
were canoodling and whispering to each other. Perhaps they were
celebrating Jen’s vow to dump Brad and Angie from her life.

What part of you got fucking dumped didn’t sink in with her? Her husband banged a much hotter chick, while they were still married. Not even a year after the divorce was final he already has two kids with his new girlfriend and she’s pregnant with the third. From what we know, he has had Ringling Brothers Witch Doctor sex with Angelina for 63 weeks in row and hasn’t even come up for air long enough to say Jennifer who? But, I am seriously glad she finally put her foot down and decided to end it. Brad will be crushed.

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Stephanie Tanner likes meth

Fatback — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 16:09:42 +0000

A child star from the hit TV show Full house has recently revealed that she is a recovering meth addict. The shocker? It’s not Mary Kate Olsen. Actress Jodie Sweetin recently told ABC news that she was addicted to meth two years ago until she decided to go into rehab.

“Growing up when I was on the series, I never really watched, even from
this day, it’s surreal to watch myself on television,” said Sweetin.
“Growing up in the business you have to grow up very fast ï¿½ you do have
a different type of childhood, that has its benefits and it has its
drawbacks.”
When the show ended in 1995, she said she wanted to be a normal kid.
She went to high school and college and by age 20 was married to a Los
Angeles police officerÂ TV older sister Candice Cameron was in the
wedding party.

But two years ago, she found herself dangerously addicted to one of
the most debilitating drugs, methamphetamine. She said she was
unemployed and bored and began simply by experimenting. Soon, she was
using meth everyday.

The tabloid press reported a three-day bender as well as an
intervention staged by her “Full House” castmates, including the
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget.

Sweetin, 24, never went as far as to blame her life as a child star
for her addiction, but said that it was difficult to discover who she
truly was after the show ended.

“There is a certain sense of loss when a series ends,” she said. “It
is kind of hard to figure out who you are when you’ve lost your job at
age 13, when that was basically how you identified yourself.”

Sweetin said she checked herself in to the Promises drug rehab
facility where she went underwent six weeks of intense treatment. She
realized that she “was living a total double life,” she said. “I was
married to a police officer ‘ we are going through a divorce right now
‘ he had no idea.”

Sweetin has been clean and sober since March of last year and now wants to get back into acting.

First of all, having Mary Kate Olsen participate in a intervention for drugs is just ridiculous. It’s like having Kevin Federline give a speech at planned parenthood on how to be a good dad. Second, Steph Tanner got hot. Shut up. She’s 24 you dirty dogs. Moreover, she’s 24, hot and a recovering meth addict. It’s the trifecta, Jerry! Because you all know my stance on formerly drug addicted stars now, don’t you? Rehab makes you needy.

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Gwyneth Paltrow is Boring

Fatback — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 14:39:53 +0000

Gwyneth Paltrow says no to drugs and yes to boredom. The recent mom who no longer does any drugs says that her abstinence is not a sign of ennui but of contentment. Handbag has the details.

The Proof actress, who is currently pregnant with her second child,
blames her sobriety for her dull image, but her maintains her
abstinence from stimulants is a sign of contentment.

She says, "There is this perception of us in this country, like, oh, they’re quite boring.

"They do yoga and they stay home watching UK Gold.

"I think we’re happy. We’re not looking for other things in life. We like our house. We like our kid. We like our friends.

"I think it’s sort of funny how you have to be doing coke off the
ass of some stripper to be perceived as not boring these days.")

Not just some stripper Gwynnie, a hot Russian stripper on a bear skin rug wearing one of those big furry Russian miltary hats, while her stripper friends pour Polish buffalo grass vodka all over your back. Wait. What? At any rate, Gwyneth Paltrow shouldn’t be concerned about what other people think. Settling down with a morose British whiner and having two children doesn’t make you boring. Wait. Yes it does. Just to show that I am an Ambassador of wolrd peace here is a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow when it was cool do do coke off of her ass.

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