NSFW - Fatback Media

Hey y’all Emily here. Total fucking psychopath Courtney Love says she had help with her recent recovery from drugs: Mel Gibson. Whaa…? I don’t get it either.

While she was doing drugs with some men in a posh Beverly Hills hotel room, Love revealed on Tuesday’s Good Morning America, the leading man – who himself only recently underwent his own sobering experience – showed up along with addiction counselor Warren Boyd.

“Mel kept coming to the door with this cheesy grin going, ‘Hi!’” Love said. “I just kept looking at him going, ‘Blank off!’ … I know him and he’s a nice guy, but it just didn’t matter who it was. It could have been Jesus. I didn’t care.”
Love, 42, was ordered into a rehab program in August 2005 after tearfully admitting in court that she’d used drugs in violation of her probation terms. At that point, she knew it was either rehab or jail. (source)

Look, I know I’m not always on the gravy train with cool kids like Ivanka Trump or Topher Grace (by the way, they’re banging), but I do know looking to self-righteous movie stars for validation isn’t on America’s top list of “cool things to do when you’re sober and can’t find a willing hooker”. Or is it? I need to get out more. Of course, now it doesn’t seem so radical to call on the big JC for advice when my last ex dumped me for his exponentially crazier new co-worker who doesn’t even have this charming southern accent. Makes sense, right? Fuck no! So I got my revenge with his hot second-cousin twice-removed from Spain. He didn’t know two sentences in English, but he said all the right things with his hands. Aye, Papi!

Paris Hilton has reportedly made another sex tape. I know surprise surprise. Has she ever had sex without a camera running? That’s Paris above, wearing a pink dress and 2 months pregnant with another soon to be discarded fetus. Stem cells are Hott! The only reason I even mention this is because the sex tape is with a girl. A hot girl, Playboy model Nicole Lenz. Female First had this:

The hotel heiress allegedly made the “horniest videotape of all time” with Playboy beauty Nicole Lenz.The
model claims she romped with Paris - who unintentionally starred in
X-rated home movie ‘One Night In Paris’ with ex-boyfriend Rick Solomon
- for the camera in 2003.

The pair had checked into a £500-a-night suite at the Bellagio Hotel, in Las Vegas, after a night out partying when things allegedly got steamy.

Lenz is quoted in Britain’s News of the World newspaper as saying:
“The moment we were in the room Paris had only one thing on her mind -
sex.

“We lied down on a king size bed and took it in turns to play with
each other. It wasn’t long before we were naked and rolling around
together.”

She added: “We just pleasured each other for hours, recording it all.

“Paris had brought all manner of sex toys - to make sure we
didn’t miss out on anything simply because there was no man in bed with
us!”

Exactly one-half of this story is hot. And that’s the part where Paris Hilton is not mentioned. I can forgive Nicole Lenz for doing it though, because I think she’s foreign and foreigners think the US is all happy cowboys and MTV and they think Paris Hilton is someone we like and not a disease ridden porn star, whom we revile.

Years of denial and mental trauma have taught me to block out unsettling images and replace them with safe comfortable images. So, I have replaced the part of Paris Hilton with Kristanna Lokken on the Lesbian sex tape that I have playing in my mind right now. Mmmm. T3.

For those of you without penises, that’s Nicole on the left and Kristanna on the right. More NSFW images after the jump. It’s a holiday people. Like you’re even awake yet.

Read more »

Jennifer Aniston is reportedly finally finished with ex-husband Brad Pitt. Recently she stated that she was finally trying to move on with her life and start a family of her own.

According to pals, she no longer even
talks to Brad, 42, now that they have finalized the divorce, reports
The National Enquirer.  "Jen is cutting off ties once and for all and
is moving on with her life," and insider tells the weekly.

This would be a very good move for Jen.  Earlier Cindy Adams
reported the couple spent a late night at the Beverly Hills Hotel and
were canoodling and whispering to each other.  Perhaps they were
celebrating Jen’s vow to dump Brad and Angie from her life.

What part of you got fucking dumped didn’t sink in with her? Her husband banged a much hotter chick, while they were still married. Not even a year after the divorce was final he already has two kids with his new girlfriend and she’s pregnant with the third. From what we know, he has had Ringling Brothers Witch Doctor sex with Angelina for 63 weeks in row and hasn’t even come up for air long enough to say Jennifer who? But, I am seriously glad she finally put her foot down and decided to end it. Brad will be crushed.

A child star from the hit TV show Full house has recently revealed that she is a recovering meth addict. The shocker? It’s not Mary Kate Olsen. Actress Jodie Sweetin recently told ABC news that she was addicted to meth two years ago until she decided to go into rehab.

“Growing up when I was on the series, I never really watched, even from
this day, it’s surreal to watch myself on television,” said Sweetin.
“Growing up in the business you have to grow up very fast � you do have
a different type of childhood, that has its benefits and it has its
drawbacks.”
When the show ended in 1995, she said she wanted to be a normal kid.
She went to high school and college and by age 20 was married to a Los
Angeles police officer  TV older sister Candice Cameron was in the
wedding party.

But two years ago, she found herself dangerously addicted to one of
the most debilitating drugs, methamphetamine. She said she was
unemployed and bored and began simply by experimenting. Soon, she was
using meth everyday.

The tabloid press reported a three-day bender as well as an
intervention staged by her “Full House” castmates, including the
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, John Stamos and Bob Saget.

Sweetin, 24, never went as far as to blame her life as a child star
for her addiction, but said that it was difficult to discover who she
truly was after the show ended.

“There is a certain sense of loss when a series ends,” she said. “It
is kind of hard to figure out who you are when you’ve lost your job at
age 13, when that was basically how you identified yourself.”

Sweetin said she checked herself in to the Promises drug rehab
facility where she went underwent six weeks of intense treatment. She
realized that she “was living a total double life,” she said. “I was
married to a police officer ‘ we are going through a divorce right now
‘ he had no idea.”

Sweetin has been clean and sober since March of last year and now wants to get back into acting.

First of all, having Mary Kate Olsen participate in a intervention for drugs is just ridiculous. It’s like having Kevin Federline give a speech at planned parenthood on how to be a good dad. Second, Steph Tanner got hot. Shut up. She’s 24 you dirty dogs. Moreover, she’s 24, hot and a recovering meth addict. It’s the trifecta, Jerry! Because you all know my stance on formerly drug addicted stars now, don’t you? Rehab makes you needy.

Gwyneth Paltrow says no to drugs and yes to boredom. The recent mom who no longer does any drugs says that her abstinence is not a sign of ennui but of contentment. Handbag has the details.

The Proof actress, who is currently pregnant with her second child,
blames her sobriety for her dull image, but her maintains her
abstinence from stimulants is a sign of contentment.

  She says, "There is this perception of us in this country, like, oh, they’re quite boring.

  "They do yoga and they stay home watching UK Gold.

  "I think we’re happy. We’re not looking for other things in life. We like our house. We like our kid. We like our friends.

"I think it’s sort of funny how you have to be doing coke off the
ass of some stripper to be perceived as not boring these days.")

Not just some stripper Gwynnie, a hot Russian stripper on a bear skin rug wearing one of those big furry Russian miltary hats, while her stripper friends pour Polish buffalo grass vodka all over your back. Wait. What? At any rate, Gwyneth Paltrow shouldn’t be concerned about what other people think. Settling down with a morose British whiner and having two children doesn’t make you boring. Wait. Yes it does. Just to show that I am an Ambassador of wolrd peace here is a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow when it was cool do do coke off of her ass.

Scarlett Johansson reportedly used restraint at the 2006 Golden Globes Red Carpet event when Issac Mizrahi groped her breast. Apparently, she was upset by the incident but didn’t smack him because he is gay.(source)

Scarlett Johansson is beyond furious at
the designer-turned-cabaret performer/turned "E!" red carpet
interviewer Isaac Mizrahi. His handling of her bosom at the Golden
Globes pre-show shocked the star.

She said to friends, "If he hadn’t been gay, I would have slapped him."

See, that’s where people go wrong right there. Issac Mizrahi is completely punchable on many levels, regardless of his sexual orientation. I’m pretty sure if I were reporter covering the Golden Globes and I saw Issac Mizrahi, I would just break ranks and punch him repeatedly in the face - on camera. Then I would interview myself on how it was to punch Isaac Mizrahi in the face at the Golden Globes. When I won my Pulitzer, I would thank myself and Scarlett Johansson and then I would run right over to Issac Mizrahi’s house and punch him in the face; just to keep it real.

More pictures of Scarlett Johansson kickin’ it at the after-party in that banging red dress after the jump.

Read more »

In the no-shit-sherlock news event of the year, Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Really? Nooo. Really, for reals? Well, no shit. You know, I hate to beat a dead horse but I’m pretty sure we have all known that for weeks. In fact, my homie KS over at AllThisNonsense.com broke this story from a super secret and reliable source weeks ago; even though some of our elders would have you believe differently. I even added my own spin to the whole situation shortly thereafter. But no harm no foul right? Much love to our  betters. Here’s what People magazine had to say:

Angelina Jolie, 30, is expecting a baby this summer with Brad Pitt, 42,
PEOPLE reports in its latest issue. "Yes, I’m pregnant," Jolie said
Monday, shortly after arriving in the Dominican Republic. She is there
filming The Good Shepard with Matt Damon and is working with the charity Yele Haiti. Jolie and Pitt are already the parents of Maddox, 4, and Zahara, 1.

I just wonder how the natural child will be treated compared to the adopted children. Because you know how that works. Once  little ‘Aryan’ gets older, Brad and Angelina will start to favor him more and more. Pretty soon Maddox and Zahara are wearing uniforms and cleaning up after Master Jolie-Pitt and living in the attic telling each other stories of what it will be like when their real mommies and daddies, who are undoubtedly princes and princesses, come back to rescue them. They’ll come back one day, Maddie! I just know it! It’s okay Zahara…have you ever seen a unicorn cry?

Oh yeah, just so I don’t get my inbox flooded with hatemail. I am, uh…happy for them or something.

"Assuredly we bring not innocence not the world, we
bring impurity much rather: that which purifies us is trial, and trial
is by what is contrary." - John Milton.

UPDATE: The effervescently sexy gals over at Glitterati Gossip are reporting that AJ is due in May, which means she got pregnant last fall, which is what I have been saying all along.

Jessica Simpson, apparently not satisfied with cheating on her husband during their whole marriage, has now resorted to calling soon-to-be ex-husband Nick Lachey and trying to break what spirit he has left.

Nick’ was allegedly very surprised when he got that first late-night call from his soon-to-be ex Jessica says an ‘insider.’

The insider claims that during the call Jessica talked in a baby
voice, saying things like "Whatcha doing? Where are you?" and "I miss
you, sweetie."

Adds a source close to Jessica, 25: "I hear she’s called Nick
several times, and each time she’s been very emotional. Maybe after
she’s had a few glasses of wine, she gets the desire to phone and pour
her heart out. I don’t think she’s over him yet. She’s very confused
and just can’t let go."

If Nick was smart he would just hang up the phone when he heard her voice. Obviously, he’s a glutton for punishment, or maybe he wanted to borrow those strappy stillettos again. I have a PhD in Sweet, Sweet Lovin’ so I can tell you this: When your recent ex calls in the middle of the night and is all whatcha doin’ that means one of two things:

1. You broke up with her and she is drunk and literally outside your door with a gun and a suicide note in her pocket.
2. She broke up with you and is drunk but her girlfriends are all busy and she just watched The Notebook so she needs to cry with someone but is all don’t come over now let’s get together soon etc, etc.

If you get Case 1 then lock the doors, call the police and settle in for a long night. DO NOT answer the door. If you get Case 2 aka "The Jessica Simpson", then hang up as soon as you hear her voice and drive over and have sex with her sister, aka "The Rodeo". Or ask to borrow those sassy Manolo’s that fit you just right, you dirty bird.

Sexy Lostaway Evangeline Lilly recently revealed that she doesn’t feel comfortable doing nude scenes and actually had the producers of the hit TV show Lost rewrite a scene where she was supposed to appear nude.

"Lost beauty Evangeline Lilly was so worried about filming nude scenes TV bosses had to re-write the script.

The stunning brunette, who plays bad girl Kate in the hit drama, admits she’s a bit of a ‘prude’ and was determined not to strip naked in front of the cameras.
She told Arena magazine: ‘When I got the first draft of the pilot episode there was a nude scene in there. So before I got the job I said to JJ (’Lost’ creator JJ Abrams), ‘You need to know I’m a bit of a prude and nudity is something that I’m going to be adamantly opposed to’.

When we came to shoot the scene it had been re-written for me to be in a tank top and underwear and I really appreciate that they made it more modest.

The 26-year-old - who is romancing co-star Dominic Monaghan - added: ‘In the end I did it in just my underwear - which I think was a happy compromise."

First of all, I have yet to see anything that qualifies as nudity on prime time television. Secondly, as a director, I am not sure that I would let the girl whose last job was "late night spokesperson for a call-in dating service" tell me that I wasn’t going to see the goods. Third, well there is no third. Maybe Dirty Libby will do some full frontal?

This is what’s wrong with the world today. The hottest chicks are keeping all that girly goodness to themselves. Full-time skanks like Paris Hilton (et al) literally can not keep clothing on their bodies- it’s some kind of natural valence shell electron repulsion in their skin. But seeing them naked is so common that it has just become part of the scenery.  Real-life, homegrown hotties like Jessica Alba and Evangeline Lilly, whom people would literally kick their mother in the stomach to catch  a nip-slip from, keep it all covered up. There is a serious disconnect here, people.

British actress and Vampire heat, Kate Beckinsale is currently wrapping the sequel to the 2003 smash hit Underworld called Underworld:Evoutions. I say "smash hit", not because of the movie’s box office success but because of the success it had in my own sexual fantasy adventures. It had all the key elements to win over the viewing audience in my mind. Kate Beckinsale. Check. In skin-tight latex. Check. As a sexy hot vampire writhing all over other sexy hot vampires. Check. Double Check. Apparently, Kate has no idea what wearing those clothes and doing love scenes with other female vampires does to other people.

The trailers and stills from the upcoming
film "Underworld: Evolution," show an uber-sexy Kate, and reportedly
she is involved in some sort of threesome with a man and another female
vamp.

And according to Page Six:

Kate Beckinsale not only has a vampire
threesome (two females, one male) [aka "the good kind"-fatback] in "Underworld: Evolution," she also
wears head-to-toe latex, the better to get her victims’ red blood
heated up.

"You actually forget you are wearing it after a while but other
people sure don’t," she says in her cover story in Giant magazine. "I’d
bend over to tie my shoes and four grips behind me would be making
groaning noises and suddenly I’d be quite aware again."

And by forget you are wearing it she means I know exactly what I am doing to you, you pitiful bastards. I am pretty sure that Kate Beckinsale is so hot that she could sleep with any man or woman, gay or straight on the planet. Which brings me to my next point. Len Weisman made a pact with the devil. According the the saucy UK SUN Kate’s delicate sexy mind has been turned by her husband who has recently joined the ranks of the devils minions.

Meanwhile the 32-year-old also confessed
she dresses up in saucy outfits for a nightly striptease for director
husband Len Wiseman.

She told Playboy magazine: "It was Len’s idea.

"He tells me what to wear each evening. It really helps our relationship.
"There’s no way we are keeping it clean. That’s the whole point."

She added: "It’s just like when you get a photocopier and you just have to do one of your bum.

"It’s just one of those rules of life."

See? See that? Seven years of that is worth eternal anal rape with a devil’s firecock. Just sayin’. More of Kate and her soul-sellingly hot self after the jump. NSFW…of course!

Read more »