R.L. White, Atlanta’s NCAAP Chapter President, says that Michael Vick was sold out and that he should be able to return to the NFL once his sentence is over. Yahoo says:

“As a society, we should aid in his rehabilitation and welcome a new Michael Vick back into the community without a permanent loss of his career in football,” said R.L. White, president of the group’s Atlanta chapter. “We further ask the NFL, Falcons, and the sponsors not to permanently ban Mr. Vick from his ability to bring hours of enjoyment to fans all over this country.” White said the Falcons quarterback made a mistake and should be allowed to prove he has learned from that mistake.

Yeah, totally. This was clearly a mistake. I can’t even count the times I’ve been drunk at a bar and ended up illegally transporting pit bulls over state lines so I could make them fight before I tortured them. Your honor, you should have seen the way those dogs were looking at me. Those little sluts were asking for it.

Note: The leader of the NAACP’s last name is “White”? Man, I bet he hates that.

Natalie Gulbis is a golfer. She’s a smoking hot blond golfer that’s built like a brick shit house. For you non-southerners, that’s good. Apparently she’s actually pretty good at golf, as well as being the hottest golfer ever (apologies John Daly). I don’t know much about golf because golf is for rich fat guys who are red faced drunks. And well, I think we all know that I am a Latin sex panther.

More Natalie Gulbis because I love my new Flickr plugin.

Allison Stokke. Athlete. Reluctant sex symbol. Jumper of tall things.

The buzz around Allison Stokke is starting to cool down, so what better way to fan the flames of internet celebrity than to post about Allison Stokke – even though the subject has been well covered – ad nauseam. That’s Latin kids, in case you missed it. It means more pictures of barely legal pole vaulters, please.

In the event that you missed the story (in which case, welcome back from doing a nickel upstate), Allison Stokke, the 18 year old California State champion pole vaulter became an instant internet celebrity because of a few pictures of her made it onto some high traffic blogs where they went viral faster than a Paris Hilton genital wart. There’s a reason for this. The internet loves hot chicks. It’s a fact. Every man, woman and child on the internet looks at hot chicks. That’s why the Army invented the internet for Al Gore.

There’s another reason, too. The fact that she’s incredibly fit and attractive notwithstanding, she can jump 13 feet in the air. Even by superhero standards that pretty fucking amazing, but it’s especially so to those of us who trip over the cat on the way to get more spray cheese for our Triskets n’ chili dinner. Chili…soo hungry.

Apparently, all the new found fame was too much for the demure athlete- and her daddy- because there was a huge backlash against sites like With Leather, Buzz Feed, Celebrity Hubris (et al) who had posted reams of pictures of her. I think she missed the point. Yes, we think she’s hot, but we are also amazed at how freakin high she can pole vault. Alison Stokke is what they would have called a Renaissance (wo)Man, 500 years ago. She’s smart, beautiful, in perfect shape and can jump THIRTEEN FUCKING FEET in the air. So call it pandering, call it exploitation, call appreciation or whatever you like. Regardless, I give you. Allison Stokke: Renaissance Woman. Gallery after the jump.

According to the Star, Kim Kardashian is dating New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush. This isn’t really ground breaking because she’s just a spoiled rich bitch, but she has a nice rack, and I rarely get to post about sports. She swallows, Reg.

Although the NFL player came to the gathering with some friends, his time was mostly spent cuddling with Kardashian at her VIP table.

“The two were totally into one another and were thisclose as they spoke,” the source tells Star. “It was like they forgot there was a party going on around them.”  (source)

I have that effect on women too. I captivate them with my dreamy, crystal green eyes and mellifluous voice. They hardly ever notice the roofie I put in their cocktail. Oh, they would most likely sleep with me anyway, but I like to take their wallets. More Kim in West Hollywood.

TMZ reports an employee of Wolfgang Puck catering services, who recently catered the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue party, was recently diagnosed with Hepatitis A and could have possibly spread it to the attendees. Scandalous!

An urgent warning has been issued by the Health Department, warning the star-studded crowd who attended the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue party on Valentine’s Day that they may have been exposed to acute hepatitis A. The list of possibly exposed guests: Beyonce Knowles, Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend Bar Rafaeli, and dozens of ridiculously hot bikini models.

The Los Angeles County Department of Public Health confirmed that an employee of Wolfgang Puck Catering was recently diagnosed with the disease, and has strongly urged anyone who attended the SI party, or any of the 13 other events catered by Puck between Feb. 1 – 20, to get an immune globulin shot by tomorrow to prevent illness. (source)

I don’t get it? The chance of a communicable disease, a raid by Colombian gangsters, incurable case of carpet burn and a paternity test nine months down the road are the marks of every Hollywood party I’ve ever been to. And Hep A, who doesn’t have that, anymore? It’s like the country club strain of Hep diseases. I think newborns in California are just inoculated with it when they get their MMR vaccinations. I’m pretty sure it’s a law.

Hep C. Now that’s some shit you can sink you’re teeth into: tattoos, drug use, high risk sexual practices, voodoo. Ain’t no party like a Hep C party ‘cuz a Hep C party don’t quit, bitches.

I’m kidding! Don’t do drugs. And have your pets spayed or neutered. EMcrest., OUT!