NSFW - Fatback Media

Spring is 14 days away and I’m already breaking out the flip-flops and sun tan oil. If there’s anything that Kate Beckinsale has taught me, it’s that Diet Coke and cigarettes are the best way to sexy a beach bod. I can’t wait for all the spring beach parties to start. I’m putting together my A-list right now.

Will you make the cut? Let’s not get cocky, sweetie. There’s plenty to go around but my parties are fucking prestigious and classy. And they never occur until the actual vernal equinox like the druids and the biker chicks like. So be patient. Til then, I’ll be waiting in my house all oiled up and be-flipflopped wearing my airbrushed muscle t-shirt that says “Myrtle Beach ROX!”. Because? It does.

• Kirsten Dundst is hot like fire. Wait I mean. BURN THE WITCH! (Bastardly)
• John Krasinksi is filming in my home town. He’s dreamy. (GMMR)
• Super Rocker and not poseur at all , Jared Leto has his ass kicked soundly by adoring fans. (Yeeeah)
• Shauna Sands and a see-thru top. No clue.(DS)
• Zodiac was good, if you’re anal. I am. Wait, I mean into anal. Get it? Because Jake Gyllenhaal is gay. Right? (Pajiba)
• Vera, the hottest married chick I know is feeling bad this week. Cheer her up by clicking her adsense! (INO)
• Sharon Stone may be a a batshit crazy cougar, but I like a little fight in my kitty. (ICYDK)
• Tori Spelling opens a B&B. I like B&E at my B&B. (Smart)
• Kate Beckinsale without makeup is still hotter than you. I checked. (Allie is Wired)
• What’s better than college girls? Why collge girl boobies, bein sur. (CH)

 

Hey, ya’ll. It’s been a great week for news so I wanted to throw in some sexy southern weekend links for you hungover slobs who won’t be leaving the house today. To wit.

• Drew Barrymore bikini pics. Not bad for an old chick. (DS)
• Naked college girl from my old school. Go Cocks. Classy as usual. (CH)
• Seacrest is out. Well not really but wants Matt Lauer’s junk. (Glitterati)
• AntonellaBarba poll: Are the BJ pics for real? You decide. (Bastardly)
• Sharon Stone cougars it up in Paris. I’d hit it. I like the crazy ones. (Smart)
• Jennifer Aniston Topless video. Prolly fake, but it’s still boobies. (Gossip or Truth)
• Anna Kornikova has a case of the Mondays (Jordan)
• Anna Nicole’s body is rotting (Derek Hail)
• Get you very own NSFW T-Shirt you dirty bitches. (FBC)
• Pink in a bikini. I’m turned on but a little frightened. Hold me. (Allie)

Who even knows what that means? That’s Jaime Pressly, who’s hotter than a gasoline fueled barnfire. She’s so hot and country that I should write a country song about her. Except, I just want to bang her, not spend a whole lotta time singing about how she makes my truck smell better when she rides with me or that she shouldn’t cheat on me with my brother because he has kids. She just got married to someone, somewhere and I care so little that I’m not even going to link to it. Google it. But I bet you’d rather see her naked so I Googled that. (NSFW) Here’s what’s happening around the block.

• Gabriela Spanic has more left boob than Nicole Ritchie has body mass. I calculated it. I’m that fucking smart. (Bastardly)
• Sharon Stone…cougarlicious. Whatever. You’d hit it. (Yeeeah!)
• Kate Hudson in some wet girl on girl action. (IDLYITW)
• Back up in that Pajiba with the resurrection. (Pajiba)
• I would say that Jamie Lyn Sigler was getting a little J in the T. But I don’t want to get whacked. Plus, I like lil’ juice in the caboose. (Subvert)
• Keeley Hazel and her perfectly shaped, lingerie covered breasts. (Hollywood Tuna)
• Most of the boobies on this site (FB&C) (NSFW, you big dummy)
• Lindsay Lohan is all kinds of fucked up (Drunken Stepfather)

Happy weekend. Holla back.

Sharon Stone thinks more teens should be having oral sex. According to Contact Music Uk, the sexually fixated actress thinks that teens should use oral sex as a way of getting themselves out of dangerous sexual situations. Hm. Wait. What?

In a bizarre explanation she tells this story, according to Contact Music UK:

“I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen.

“Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ “Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I’d like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’ “Young people talk to me about what to do if they’re being pressed for sex? I tell them (what I believe): oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex.

“If you’re in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I’m not embarrassed to tell them.” (source)

I know I am in the minority, but I actually think Sharon Stone looks good, especially for a woman who is 48 (rrreow, cougar!) and she was definitely heat back in the day. That said, I think she is a fucking lunatic - a sexy cougar lunatic.

This must be the new way to promote movies. Screw the press junkets, let the crazies loose in public and let them have at the normal folks. In her defense, I think her heart is in the right place, but I’m pretty sure giving a blow job is not answer to date rape - especially when a good well lubed hand job will do. I know it’s saved me plenty of times. And for your onanistic pleasure (you too, ladies!) I have some nice images of Sharon Stone: pre-cougar. NSWF, duh.

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