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Britney Spears in her unnapants and brawl at the swimmin’ hole with some random chick. This is only salient because Britney is apparently shooting a new video. Somewhere. Here’s what one of her highly educated backup dancers had to say on her MySpace page.

Today on her blog, the dancer wrote an entry entitled “BRITNEY SPEARS MUSIC VIDEO” which stated “SO…YES…TODAYS THE DAY!!! WERE SHOOTN MISS BRITS 1ST VIDEO OFF HER NEW ALBUM….ITS GOING TO BE HOTTTT!” (source)

So here’s Britney Spears swimming in her bra and panties and frolicking with a girl with a hot body. Are you surprised? Nothing she does surprises me anymore.  She drove right past Crazy on Highway WTF? a long time ago. You what’s not crazy? Girl on girl action. That’s why this all girl underwear swim excursion is very close to being hot. I actually thought the girl with the rockin bod in the white bikini was Elisha Cuthbert at first and was about to rub one out, but then I saw the rest of the pictures and was sad. Ok, maybe I still rubbed one out. Whatever, judger. Britney and this chick would be perfect for some menage a trois action because they are both a kinda hot and kinda busted up and that’s usually how it goes with threesomes isn’t it?

Links if you made it this far.

• Justin Timberlake likes the salty pulled meat. (Yeeeah)
• Jodie Sweetin and her huge rack got married. (IBBB)
• Jessica Simpson goes to boot camp. Chicks look hot in camo. True story. (Allie)
• Courtney Love, grammarian. (Holy Candy)
• Rosario Dawson may be a lesbian. I gotta go. (City rag)
• Jessica Alba is a true example of poise and elegance. And she’s got a great rack. (Ninja Dude)
• Cindy Crawford, red hot MILF. (DS)
• Bathroom mirrors were invented for topless self-portraits. (College Humor)
• Britney Daniel is still alive and still hot. (Glunp)
• Scientologist orgy planned by the Cruises. Bring your mask and cloak. (Bricks and Stones)
• Britney Snow looking hot and all grow’d up. (Bastardly)

Homer Simpson is a white hot sexual celebrity. If you don’t agree with me, then fuck off. Woman across the planet succumb to men with his wiley charms every minute. This should give some of you hope, yet.

Anyway, a 180 foot Homer was painted next to a 16th century outline of a pagan fertility god Britain. Homer holds high his tasty favor, while the fertility god holds high…um, another sort of favor. Pagans all over have their heathen panties in a celtic knot over this publicity stunt promoting the new Simpson’s movie. They promise to have a magic rain ritual cermony so it will wash away the special biodegradable paint. Witches. Bitches. Want some cheese with that whine? Mmmmm. Cheeeeese.Source and image via:BBC.co.uk

Find out what Homer does with his delicious pastry after the jump.

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Danielle Lloyd, ladies and gentleman. In a bikini at a beach in California. I have no idea who this chick is.

Okay. Back from 20 seconds of research in my top secret lab.

Apparently, she’s famous for being on a show called Celebrity Big Brother, where she showed her tits and made racist remarks to some other chick who wouldn’t show her tits. I’m not really up on the reality tv, but that’s kind of a requisite action isn’t it? Anyway, I think the celebrity part came from her being Miss Great Britain, then having her title taken away, for , you guessed it, showing her tits; this time in Playboy. Moral of the story? Marry a soccer player in England and you become a princess. Wikipedia says so and they wrote the bible.

• Britney Spears is a spoiled bitch. I wouldn’t give her my clothes. (Jordan)
• Scientology orgy. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Nicole Ritchie is a fat fatty and she’s pregnant. (DS)
• Amanda Beard promotes her lame Playboy shoot.(Bastardly)
• Beyonce wearing a bikini. (Bumpshack)
• Jessica Simpson is fucking hot again. Praise Jesus. Or bulimia. (DH)
• Rosie says something about something. (Evil Beet)
• Julia Roberts had a boy. Her brother is still creepy. (Celebrity Smack)
• Jessica Alba may be a whore. So? (Tasteful Society)
• Fergie does something or other. (Gabsmash)
• Some taint for that ass. (Celebutaint)
• Attu sees naked people. (Attu)

Danielle giving it her nude best images here.

Obligatory post. Lindsay Lohan drunk wielding a fat rack and a steely blade with an equally drunken Vanessa Minillo deserves a post even if it’s hackneyed and 3 days too late. I’ve never been a fetishist; I like my sex dirty and against a wall like most red blooded Americans, but there’s something about a hot chick with cold steel blade that conjures up something medieval in me. Like Highlander porn. There can be only one. Unless there’s two.

LINKS.

• Fergie looking kinda pretty. She’d look better with Santoku. (Gabsmash)
• Allison Stokke gallery. She’s the chick who cried about being called hot on the internet. Guess what? STFU. (Celebrity Hubris)
• Petra Nemcova is hot and fucking enjoys it. (DS)
• PoshS pice is a fat whore. Fatty. (Bumpshack)
• I wonder if Allison Stokke will ever end up here? (CH)
• Jessica Simpson gets dissed. (Holly Scoop)
• Liv Tyler and Kate Bosworth. Hot girl on girl action. (Jordan)
• The Hilton clan is larger than we thought. Fuck. (EvilBeet)

Olivia Mojica, from way back in season 2 of American Idol, may just soothe my spirits after Haley Scarnato was kicked off last night. It turns out she made a sex tape last month. It also turns out that tape may be the raunchiest sex tape ever shot. Here’s a hint. Girlfriend is a freeeeak. The trailer can be seen at Hardcoreidol.com.

The video, which Mojica made with her boyfriend a month ago in her New York City apartment, is set to hit shelves on May 3, courtesy of Vivid Entertainment, the adult entertainment company behind Kim Kardashian’s X-rated romp. Vivid is currently hosting the uncut trailer at hardcoreidol.com.

We’re told the tape is “very explicit” and features 40 minutes of “smoking hot sex.” One source who says he has seen the tape put it this way — “It’s the nastiest tape I’ve ever seen.” (source)

God. Damn.

You know when a dude in the PORN INDUSTRY gets freaked out by a sex tape, the shit is going to be any combination of:

1. Fucking
2. Awesome

I’m hard to impress so I hope this thing lives up to the hype or my wildebeast tape may just have to see the light of day. Here are some screen caps from Hard Core Idol. I’ll post more as they come available.

Downer update: IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST… AGAIN….

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer made some noise recently by having loud sex in a Rome hotel on a recent visit to the Italian city.

 The ‘Employee of the Month’ actress was seen having dinner with the American musician in the romantic Italian city before heading back to the exclusive luxury Hotel de Russie.

When they got back to their room the couple’s energetic bedroom antics could reportedly be heard through the walls.

A source revealed to More magazine: “Jessica and John got back fairly early and stayed in all night. But by the sounds of it, they didn’t get to sleep for a long time.

“This woman was saying she couldn’t believe Jessica sounded like she was getting it on so loudly in the room next door.”(source)

What I can’t believe is how easy it is to bang Jessica Simpson. If I had known all I needed was 2 first class tickets to Rome, accommodations in a 5 star hotel, a mellifluous singing voice and mad guitar chops, I would have an extra notch on commemorative “number of girls I have banged” trophy. Oh, it may look like an ordinary mop handle to you, but to me it’s the story of true love. I have vision. And a chipped up mop handle.