NSFW – Fatback Media

By now you’ve probably heard about the latest former American Idol contestant to embarrass her family and generally act like a drunken piece of trash, Jessica Sierra. It seems that ole’ Jess got herself into a bit of trouble on Saturday night when she got into a bar fight in Tampa and was found to have some Bolivian marching powder in her purse. She was reportedly abusive to the arresting officers after she threw a cocktail glass at a fellow booze hound.

It appears that since she was kicked off of Idol, Jessica Sierra (porno name, anyone?) has tried to get a record contact and has been WORKING AT HOOTERS. Let’s see: cocaine, alcohol, trampy name, reality show cast-off, and now my favorite delightfully tacky, yet unrefined restaurant. This girl’s life reads like a Mad Libs of American white trash. To complete the sweep, she might as well release a sex tape that was filmed in her single-wide where she smokes Kools and chugs Boone’s Farm straight from the bottle. God bless Tampa, home of 94% of America’s whores, and God bless Jessica Sierra and the plate of curly fries and wings she is currently serving to a trucker.

While I wouldn’t fuck Jessica Sierra with Kelly Clarkson’s dick, I do have a soft spot for the lovely Ms. Carrie Underwood. Something tells me that Carrie’s never donned orange hot pants and a tank top. [Ed. note: Shooter, I just know she has. If there is a a god in heaven...]

 

The not-so-anticipated sex tape of The Hills star Lauren Conrad (LC to you and me baby) and Laguna Beach star Jason Wahler, has been permanently shelved according to reports. Maybe her daddy can step in make it all better for his little angel.

A TMZ source said the alleged tape, news of which first broke on Perez Hilton, is “very vanilla” with “no hard core sex.” The source adds that LC and Jason are basically “messing around.” (source)

Fuckin’ rich kids. All that good breeding and training and they can’t even be left alone to make a proper sex tape. No hard core? WTF? Why even film it? Nobody wants to see a spoiled rich brat fumble with a bra for 10 minutes, then bust a nut while he’s trying to take his wang out of his designer jeans. In my house we don’t take lens cap off unless we’re about to break some fucking laws. This why rich women always run off with the pool boy or the gardener (or the sexy internet writer). While you rich guys are thinking about money and bitches, we’re having fun living paycheck to paycheck, drinking your scotch and fucking your wife.

Sanjaya is gone folks. I think he actually knew it going into it though. He still balled like a little girl ,so I lost all respect for him. I’m waiting for the Idol castoff that refuses to sing though the tears and decides to fucking show out. For instance, Sanjaya should have kicked Simon right in balls and and bent Paula right over the judges table and long poled her on national TV. I bet that little girl would have really cried then. Plus Paula is high and kinda slutty, so it’s not like she’d put up a fuss. Sanjaya would look at the camera and wink, “I’ll show you a cold hearted snake“.

The one tragedy in all this is that Shyamali and her awesome paper sack brown boobies will no longer be in the audience for DVR fodder. I guess I’ll have to wait for the Olivia Mojica sex tape to come out for my American Idol perv fix. Girlfriend is a freeeeak…LINKS!

• More pics of Fergie in her panties on the set of her new video. (DS)
• Mandy Moore barely legal bikini pics you perv. (Bastardly)
• Angelina Jolie is fucking crazy. She brought out the knives on her boyfriend during sex. Is is okay to have wood while you’re scared shitless? (Celebitchy)
• Larry Birkhead’s gay lover is a bat child alien from the planet of hell. Or something. (Bricks and Stones)
• Paula Abdul is a bitch. (Derek Hail)
• Michelle Rodriguez is out of house arrest. Sweet. (ICYDK)
• Britney is almost back to fighting weight. (D-Listed)
• Avril Lavigne is a douche. That’s French for douche. (Yeeeah)
• Last but not least, College Girls’ Boobies. It never gets old. (CH)

According to the Star, Kim Kardashian is dating New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush. This isn’t really ground breaking because she’s just a spoiled rich bitch, but she has a nice rack, and I rarely get to post about sports. She swallows, Reg.

Although the NFL player came to the gathering with some friends, his time was mostly spent cuddling with Kardashian at her VIP table.

“The two were totally into one another and were thisclose as they spoke,” the source tells Star. “It was like they forgot there was a party going on around them.”  (source)

I have that effect on women too. I captivate them with my dreamy, crystal green eyes and mellifluous voice. They hardly ever notice the roofie I put in their cocktail. Oh, they would most likely sleep with me anyway, but I like to take their wallets. More Kim in West Hollywood.