NSFW – Fatback Media

Ain’t nothin’ worse than havin’ link-debt hangin’ over your head so I’m spreading the love, southern style.

• Check out the new college boobies. For kids. NSFW. (College Humor)
• The Losties are in Scranton? I think Ryan may have yellow fever now. (GMMR)
• Hot videos of college girls. Or Videos on a college site and there may be some girls. Or something. (College Humor)
• Abi Titmus interviews a naked chick about sex. (Bastardly)
• Reese Witherspoon gets revenge by being sexy, southern y’all. (yeeeah)
• Jesus says Trendmill is the new MySpace, except for sexy people. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Speaking of trendmill and sexy mofo’s. Here’s an invite if you need one. (Trendmill)
• Britney may get a visit from Child Protective Services. (Derek Hail)
• Adam Brody is banging Jessica Simpson. (Cele|bitchy)

Jennifer Lopez is considering the doctrine of Scientology to help her conceive. Superhot Socialite’s Life has the deets…

The MAID IN MANHATTAN star, who recently attended the Italian wedding of top celebrity Scientologist TOM CRUISE, is reportedly taking tips from actress LEAH REMINI, who used the religion’s doctrines when she was trying to conceive her first child. According to American publication Life + Style, Lopez became interested in Scientology when Remini confided in her that the religion helped her conceive. An insider tells the publication, “She’s starting to understand the cleansing process. It’s all about putting the positive energy where you want it.” The source insists Lopez and her husband MARC ANTHONY are unlikely to join the church because he’s a devout Catholic, but “he’s willing to let Jen do what she needs to make things happen.” (From Contact Music Via source)

I think Mark Anthony may not want to join Scientology because they may find out that he made his way into this world by punching a hole through someone’s chest and crawling out. I’ve seen prettier faces on medical cadavers. Eeek. I don’t “get” Scientology. I usually cleanse myself with the positive energy of a strappy pair of Jimmy Choos and a deep tissue massage (with release) using a stolen credit card.  But not yours. We’re friends like that.
 

Tom Cruise worries Katie is a fat, fat water rat and she should spend her days in the gym rather than nursing and coddling their wonder daughter, Suri. Lazy.

It seems Tom Cruise has a new mission these days — helping Katie Holmes reclaim her former hardbodied physique. According to sources close to the couple, Tom has become “very concerned” about her appearance these days, and has become directly involved with Katie’s workout regimen as a result.

According to sources, Tom is willing to do whatever it takes so his bride-to-be “looks the best that she can walking next to him down the aisle.”

In addition to joining her strenuous workout sessions, Tom also makes sure that Katie’s strict workout schedule is not interrupted by personally booking babysitters for the kids. (source)

So, Tom will do whatever it takes for Katie to look her best, which I’ll bet includes fellating summoning the spirits of the beyond to purge Katie’s body of the wicked toxins causing her slow weight loss after SHE JUST HAD A BABY. Damnit Katie! Why can’t you be a super-human, omnipresent phenomenon like your future husband? Lazy bitch.Tom Cruise for President Galactic Emperor2008 and beyond. I like how Katie is 90 lbs in that picture but she needs to lose weight. What a fat, fatty.

Afternoon links futhatass.

Melissa Joan Hart bewitchingly getting back into MILFilicious shape. Clarissa is almost back in action kids. (The Bastardly)

Terrell Owens tried to kill himself with pills like a little girl. Pussy. (Bumpshack)

Screech made a Sex Tape with a Dirty Sanchez money shot. Fucking amatuer. (College Humor)

Jesus told me that Oprah was gay. Jesus loves me, so I know it’s true. (Drunken Stepfather)

Brad Pitt will NOT be replacing tom Cruise in MI:IV. The part of Ethan Hunt will be played by Jason Dohring. Conspiracy? (Yes. I made that up) (Smart)

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes trying to keep a low profile while eating out at the MOST PHOTOGRAPHED RESTAURANT in LA. They’re sinister! (INO)

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty [insert drugs here] and then [drug usage here] followed by copius [drugs]. CRACK! (Yeeeah)