NSFW - Fatback Media

Summer Glau, who most of you may know as the kung fu fighting hottie from Firefly and Serenity (and as my clingy ex-girlfriend), is set to be in a new sci-fi series in 2008 called The Sarah Conner Chronicles which is based on the the time between the second and third Terminator movies. Lena Headey will play Sarah Connor.

Setting after the event “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.” After the sacrifices of Dr. Miles Dyson and T-800 Model 101 Terminator, the Connors find themselves once again being stalked by Skynet’s agents from the future once again. Realizes that their nightmare isn’t over, they decide to stop running and focus on preventing the birth of Skynet. With the aid of the beautiful Cameron Phillips [Glau], who has a mysterious past that also link to the future, they began a quest stop the United States military from creating the program that will bring humanity to an end. (IMDB)

Man that’s pretty original. So Summer will really have to stretch her acting chops to be in a sci-fi series where she’s a beautiful girl with a mysterious past. I have a mysterious past too. Like it’s a mystery to me how my mom thought it was okay to live in a trailer park, never cook and go shopping in worn out sweats and giant curlers in her hair. If she wasn’t old and hagish, I’d think my mom was Britney Spears. True mystery!

Links for the Browncoats.

• Norwegian Chinese (Chiweegian?) hottie Natassia Malthe practically naked. (FHM)
• Wanna see a celebrity gossip site that has it’s shit together? (Dotspotter)
• Jesse from Marshall University is the cute college girl this week. MARSHALL! (CH)
• Maggie Grace still cute as ever. (Bastardly)
• Sienna Miller scraps with Kate Moss. The fur was flying. (Yeeeah)
• Sienna Miller wheelbarrowing Keira Knightly. Those brits! (Gone Hollywood)
• Jason from The Hills got engaged. I’m sorry…who did a what in the what? (IBBB)
• More from Dita Von Shutthefuckup. (Allie)
• Hillary Duff has a blended orgasm. I like mine whisked. (City rag)
• Lindsay Lohan is a rehab whore. And not the good kind. (Evil Beet)
• Victoria Beckham will be a Pussycat doll. Snore. (GoT)
• Indiana Jones 4 Spoiler Alert! They all die before the Vietnam war. Losers. (SOMG)
• Hear the voice of Jesus as he chastises Paris Hilton in Montreal. (Drunken Stepfather)
• I thought the Family Guy Star Wars ep was funny. I guess I’m a fucking loser. (BWE)
• Jessica Simpson ins short shorts. Me likee. (Jordan)

Megan Fox is all wet and she’s holding hands with Gillian Anderson. Right now, all over the planet, dudes are ruining their Comic Con T-Shirts. However, this is just a scene from the movie How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, which is currently in production. The movie stars Simon Pegg (from the amazing Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz), so by all rights this will be an hilarious movie. That said, it can’t hurt your odds to have Megan Fox and Gillian Anderson hold hands. What can hurt are your thoughtless words. Sometimes these foolish game can cut like a knife, you know? Hold me.

Luke Skywalker (actor Mark Hamill) says he envies the the actors who worked on the Star Wars prequels because they got to be near Natalie Portman. He even admitted that he finds Natalie more attractive than Carrie Fisher, who played Princess Leia.

He says: “Nothing against Carrie - because I had a great crush on her as well - but there’s just something about Natalie’s stilted dialogue. She’s gorgeous and one of the great beauties of the world.” (source)

Dude. Padme is your mom and Princess Leia is your sister. That’s like Galactic Taboo Porn. That would be all fucked up, except for the fact that Star Wars isn’t real and I thought Mark Hamill was gay? The real question is: who’s hotter- Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia back in the day or Natalie Portman as Queen Amidala? I’ll have to consult the Jedi council and my penis for this one.

Sci-Fi star Trisha Helfer sets aside the “Six-y” Cylon world to pose for Playboy. See what I did there? Who says girls can’t love sci-fi?

Tricia Helfer plays an evil machine on “Battlestar Galactica,” but the sexy Cylon may cause her fans to short-circuit when they see the latest edition of Playboy.

“I hope people like them,” Helfer told The Post of her 10-page nude pictorial shot by famed shutterbug Sante D’Orazio. “I know I do.” (source)

I’m not surprised. It’s always the unsuspecting ones, like the Sci-Fi chick, or the Catholic school English teacher, the burger joint French fry queen…your mom. Trekkie convention is just a glorified name for orgy and Deep Space Nine sounds like low-budget porn on Cinemax After Dark (PPV!). And the Twelve Colonies of Kobol are simply nudist, self-indulgent, hedonistic havens. Regardless, Trisha’s hot and I would park my Enterprise in her Final Frontier any day. Let’s just say I’ll take a ‘ NumberSix’ with ‘7 of 9′ any day. I don’t know, whatever, just go with it. Nerd. Get your game hand ready, here’s more science fictionly cyborg semi-nakedness. By the way, these photos are not from Playboy.

UPDATE: PLAYBOY IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST

And by request, I mean Tatyana from Playboy Inc complained to my hosting company, Godaddy, instead of contacting me and they shut my site down. I moved to a new server, but the images from this post only exist in my mind. And in Tatyana’s mind. Because she’s dirty. If you have any royalty free Tricia Helfer’s let me know.

In the no-shit-sherlock news event of the year, Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Really? Nooo. Really, for reals? Well, no shit. You know, I hate to beat a dead horse but I’m pretty sure we have all known that for weeks. In fact, my homie KS over at AllThisNonsense.com broke this story from a super secret and reliable source weeks ago; even though some of our elders would have you believe differently. I even added my own spin to the whole situation shortly thereafter. But no harm no foul right? Much love to our  betters. Here’s what People magazine had to say:

Angelina Jolie, 30, is expecting a baby this summer with Brad Pitt, 42,
PEOPLE reports in its latest issue. "Yes, I’m pregnant," Jolie said
Monday, shortly after arriving in the Dominican Republic. She is there
filming The Good Shepard with Matt Damon and is working with the charity Yele Haiti. Jolie and Pitt are already the parents of Maddox, 4, and Zahara, 1.

I just wonder how the natural child will be treated compared to the adopted children. Because you know how that works. Once  little ‘Aryan’ gets older, Brad and Angelina will start to favor him more and more. Pretty soon Maddox and Zahara are wearing uniforms and cleaning up after Master Jolie-Pitt and living in the attic telling each other stories of what it will be like when their real mommies and daddies, who are undoubtedly princes and princesses, come back to rescue them. They’ll come back one day, Maddie! I just know it! It’s okay Zahara…have you ever seen a unicorn cry?

Oh yeah, just so I don’t get my inbox flooded with hatemail. I am, uh…happy for them or something.

"Assuredly we bring not innocence not the world, we
bring impurity much rather: that which purifies us is trial, and trial
is by what is contrary." - John Milton.

UPDATE: The effervescently sexy gals over at Glitterati Gossip are reporting that AJ is due in May, which means she got pregnant last fall, which is what I have been saying all along.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are going to outer space. In a space ship. To outer space. Hm. Apparently the couple is planning to ride along with other celebs on the space voyage planned for 2010.

Space cadets Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have convinced Richard Branson to allow them to be aboard his Virgin Galactic Spaceship which will lift off in 2010.

The couple have paid £115,000(~$200,000 USD) each to ensure they have a seat on the jet; they will be in the company of Sigourney Weaver, Moby, Robbie Williams and William Shatner among others.

A source told the Daily Star: “Angelina and Brad are fascinated by outer space.”

“The couple will begin astronaut training in two years.”

Holy shit, Captain Kirk and Ripley? Nice. I’m not so sure I would want to be riding on the maiden voyage of a ship called the Virgin Galactic Spaceship. Besides the fact that the name sounds like something from Spaceballs, the Galactic part really scares me. I mean, at best you will probably only skim the upper atmosphere, so even the term outer space is probably a stretch. You have to be wary about overachieving eccentrics with too much time on their hands. You don’t have to watch The Last Starfighter 467 times to know you don’t get into vehicles with crazy rich guys who say they just want to go around the block a couple of times. That can only lead to clinic visits and a confusing time and during your 20’s. Wait. What? Forget it.

According to this report, Angelina Jolie used black magic to secure her relationship with Brad Pitt.

Doctor Snake, the author of cult best-seller “Voodoo Spellbook”, claims that Jolie is working voodoo on Brad. “That vial sounds suspiciously like a voodoo ‘mojo hand’, or magical charm”, he says, according to Softpedia.

Snake is skeptical that the charm is for warding off accidents, as voodoo spells using ingredients from bats are normally used as he says in the workings of a black magic love spell.

“One dark voodoo spell uses Bat’s Heart Incense, which is burnt to break up a love affair or marriage”, the Doctor says.

I am not a very religious person, but considering I grew up Southern Baptist, I know a thing or two about snakes. This “Doctor Snake” is obviously an idiot and a charlatan and should be burned at the stake. Everyone knows that ‘mojo hand’ is bullshit. You have to use a gris-gris and wrap it up real tight, ‘cher. Den you go down t’da bayou and bring back da Vodoun witch. She’ll set ya right, chile. She’ll set ya right.

Most of you have probably never heard of the the new NBC show ‘Surface’ because, if you are smart you are over watching Arrested Development while this show is on. I just got a new DVR, so I am seeing how the other half lives by watching alternate shows while recoring my fave’s. If you haven’t seen Surface here’s what the official NBC site has to say:

“Surface” is an expansive drama series that centers on the appearance
of mysterious sea creatures in the deep ocean — and tracks the lives
of a variety of characters.

I usually go for the sci-fi genre, being a quantum physical chemist and all, so this show seemed right up my alley. The heroine of the show Dr. Laura Daughtry’s (Lake Bell) character is a refreshing take on the usual stereotypical “nerd-scientist” role normally seen in in the banal, hackneyed shows on prime time tv. And by refreshing, I mean she has ginormous boobies. Ginormous. And they’re always in center frame. The producers are not sexist though, the show portrays Daughtry as:

[A] young oceanographer who discovers the secret; Government Scientist Dr.
Aleksander Cirko and Pentagon Official
Davis Lee , who both try to keep things
under wraps

One thing they don’t keep under wraps? Right, her boobies. The entire show is shot in down south near Wilmington NC and the animal effects are developed in LA. Lake Bell reportedly doesn’t like the water so the scenes in the scenes on th boat were particularly hard to shoot.

“I’m not a big fan of the ocean because
I’m scared of what lies beneath,” Bell said recently during a break in
filming of NBC’s “Surface.” Among her fears: undertow and Portuguese
man-of-war jellyfish.

“But as a pseudo-action star, I have to jump in … to literally jump in and go,” she said.

And on “Surface,” that means working on the water - be it in the ocean, on a boat or hanging out poolside.

Its slow day so I really don’t know where I am going with this but here are some more pictures of Lake Bell (after the jump).

Read more »

Ok. Here’s the headline I woke up to today.

NFL Cheerleaders Arrested for Alleged Lesbian Sex in Bar Bathroom
According to the Observer, the police report
claims the two cheerleaders were having sex with each other in a stall
at the bar when other patrons got angry they were taking so long in the
bathroom.

Hmm. Where to start…where to start? Wait…there’s more.

Then one of the cheerleaders and another
person started arguing and the cheerleader hit that person in the face,
according to the report.

Witnesses say Angela Keathley and Renee
Thomas were engaged in some type of sexual activity inside a bathroom
stall at Banana Joe’s around 2:20 am Sunday. Another woman waiting to
use the bathroom got into an argument with the pair.

Police say Thomas punched the woman in the face. When Thomas was
arrested, she gave police the name of another Panthers cheerleader.

Wait. What? Hot cheerleader sex in a dirty bathroom that devolved into a girl fight then moved to  the county jail? That is the porn trifecta. Nothing I can say will ever top the fact that this happened in real life. These are the end of days my friend. I would get your affairs together.

UPDATE: It looks like the Panthers pulled their website this morning, or either its down due to bandwidth. I happened to grab a few images of the panther TopCats (cheerleaders). More after the jump.

Read more »

Mindy McCready is set to appear on Oprah Winfrey today to discuss the sordid events in her life of this past year.

Troubled country star MINDY McCREADY has spoken out about her personal problems for the first time since attempting suicide this summer (05).

The pregnant GUYS DO IT ALL THE TIME singer sat down for a chat with US talk show queen OPRAH WINFREY to reveal she’s determined to fight her problems, which include charges on drug and alcohol abuse, head on.

And she insists she never really intended to kill herself when she suffered a drugs overdose in a Florida hotel in July (05).

Fighting back tears, she tells Oprah, “I don’t think I wanted to die.”

The singer, who was once engaged to actor DEAN CAIN, also reveals she has visited her imprisoned ex-boyfriend, WILLIAM McKNIGHT, who she accused of breaking into her Tennessee home and beating her until she was unconscious to reveal he’s the father of her unborn baby.

The couple has now reconciled and McCready is confident her boyfriend will never hit her again: “I don’t think so, I hope not.”

“I don’t think so”. Well, that’s good enough for me. I guess this little fairy tale will work out just fine then. Nothing like a little blunt force trauma to a pregnant chick to really cement a relationship. I know that some readers may be incited to anger or even violence toward William McKnight because of this story, but I am a peace loving gentle soul so I will offer this advice. 7mm, 200 yards (no wind), center of mass. God Bless.