NSFW – Fatback Media

While I finish off this bowl of Chicken and Dumplings, check out what’s going on around internet.

Woody Allen is a Perv. Oh, and he made a movie with Scarlett Johansson where he has sex with her everyday until the end of time. Wait. That might have been a dream I had. (Glitterati)

Norah Jones is filming a movie with Jude Law. They aren’t even dating yet and I think he has already cheated on her. (ICYDK)

Paris Hilton is god damn idiot. Oh, and she is attempting to be stylish by wearing gloves that she bought at Marshall’s. Stupid Irregulars. (VHT)

Alyssa Milano is hot, hairy Italian heat. As long as she shaves her legs, pits and her holier-than-thou then I’m in. (The Bastardly)

Givememyremote.com begins “The Office Summer Cartoon Series”, inked by super sexy artist Meg. Enjoy the Scrantonicity. (GMMR)

Ashlee Simpson turned down $4 million dollars to get naked for Playboy. Give me $40 and bottle of Tequila and I can have her dancing naked on the bar in 2 hours. Make sure you get a camera with a Flash. Oh, and photoshop me out of the pics, too. I have a secret identity to protect.(Tabloid Whore)

Wow. Another set of candids of Kristin Cavallari not doing anything but still remaining famous somehow. The best way to be really famous is to sleep with an super hot internet writer who has a double life as a crime fighter, like me. (Bricks and Stones)

At least one of the Beckhams has a skill. (Ed. Note: Ladies, don’t say I never think about you. Gratuitous man flesh follows)(Holly Scoop)

Speaking of soccer, and gratuitous flesh (the good kind) here’s Pamela David’s nude rack. I have no idea who she is, but as usual I fell in love with her immediately. (Subvert Society)

Nicole Kidman and Kieth Urban are on their honeymoon. I bet when they have sex it sounds like bag full of broomsticks hitting the ground. (INO)

God damn I’m hungry. While I fry up some country style steaks, check out what’s going on around the internet.

Wanna smell like Gene Simmons’ ashtray? Try K.I.S.S Frangrances! (VHT)

Angelina Jolie refused a Scientology Award and subsequent brainwashing from Tom Cruise. Thetans rejoice!(Derek Hail)

Martine McCutcheon in a bikini. That’s about it. (The Bastardly)

E! Television just announced the Tater Award Winners for 2006. (GMMR)

Ivana Trump wants Paris Hilton to play her in a Bio-pic of her life. Let’s see. It may be a stretch, though. Ivana whored her way to fame and fortune and Paris is just a whore who’s rich. (Glitterati)

Kristin Cavallari and Brody making out on the beach in a totally non-staged, not-publicity stunt. (Bricks and Stones)

Jessica Alba pictures, just ’cause. (I’m not Obsessed)

Paris Hilton is a bitch. I just wanted to say that. Oh and she got in a wreck or something. (IDLYITW)

Scarlett Johannson’s big fat red lips. (Subvert Society)

Tobey Maguire got some girl pregnant. I though he was gay? Wait, that’s Frodo not Spidey.(ICYDK)

The results are in and it looks like Scarlett Johannson’s “girls” are the best rack in the world, followed by Jessica Simpson and Salma Hayek. The yearly reader poll conducted by In Touch Weekly was recently announced and here’s how the list shaped up.

1) Scarlett Johannson

2) Jessica Simpson

3) Salma Hayek

4) Halle Berry

5) Jessica Alba

6) Tyra Banks

7) Jennifer Love Hewitt

Rebecca Romijn

9) Lindsay Lohan

10) Brittany Murphy

(source)

Obviously, this is my favorite time of year. Honestly, in a breast contest there really are no losers, but there were a few that I would have put in the top ten that didn’t make it. Like Monica Belluci, Katherine Heigl, Katherine McPhee, Kate Winslet, Poppy Montgomery, Rachel Nichols and my Swedish Figure skater girlfriend (who has the nicest rack I’ve ever seen in person without having to pay).

Rail thin, pouty British actress Keira Knightly recently stated that she wishes she had a fuller figure like some other voluptuous actresses like Scarlett Johannson.

The Pirates of the Caribbean star says she guzzles half a bottle of wine a night and regularly wolfs down plates of pasta.

She told this month’s Elle magazine: “I’m not one of those people who’s going to jog five miles every morning.

“I’m trying to have bowls of pasta or whatever makes me happy.

“I haven’t been to the gym since January and I’m drinking about half a bottle of wine a night. Fuck it, you’ve got one life – live it.”

Keira admits she envies the curves of fellow actresses Scarlett [Johannson] and Kate [Winslet].

She said: “That kind of decadent flesh is absolutely beautiful. How sexy is that on a woman?”(source)

There’s a name for slobby person who sits around at night scarfing down food, getting drunk on red wine and fantasizing about Scarlett Johannson and Kate Winslet: Me. Honestly, I think Keira Knightly is white-hot, even though she looks a dude from from behind. Wait. I mean, she’s hot even though she’s got that deep voice, short hair cut and the chest of a 12 year old boy. Wait. Is she hot or am I a pedophile? Hold on a sec. Damn. Okay, I took a look at those shots of Scarlett Johannson’s rack and my penis confirmed that I’m still straight, even if Keira Knightly is man-sexy.