NSFW – Fatback Media

See what I did there? I wrote a salacious headline that may have no basis in fact whatsoever, but validated it (and saved an attorney a few keystrokes) by adding the question mark. So, what would have been a possible libelous thrashing, now becomes a point of discussion by inquiring minds. Journalism.

ANYWAY.

US Weekly has put the other tabloids on notice with their new cover: “Hollywood A-List Nip/Tuck Did They or Didn’t They?” Besides having a sweet question mark, they say that they have scooped the other trash rags with a story that will blow the lid off the seedy plastic surgery underworld for once and for all.

Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Raj Kanodia – who has fixed the noses of Ashlee Simpson, Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz – estimates that 60 percent of Hollywood women undergo some type of procedure.

As more celebs like Ashley Tisdale admit to going under the knife, and others like Scarlett Johansson speak openly about a topic once off-limits (”I definitely believe in plastic surgery,” she said last year. “I don’t want to be an old hag. There’s no fun in that”), Us consulted top Hollywood surgeons to see which stars may have transformed their looks.

Scarlett Johannson was none too happy about this and got her lawyer to do the only thing that can be done in these situations: call another tabloid and give them a scoop!

“I have always been straightforward with the press regarding my body image and I am very concerned that my fans (and perhaps even my employers) will feel mislead. Thus, I feel compelled to take immediate legal action against US Weekly.”

Also from Scarlett(’s Lawyer)

“US Weekly’s cover story regarding Scarlett Johansson and its clear implication that she has had plastic or cosmetic surgery on her nose is an outrageous and defamatory fabrication lacking any conceivable basis or proof, despite vehement denials by Ms. Johansson prior to publication,” reads a statement from her rep, exclusively to OK!

Smack down! Also, I don’t think I have ever really looked at Scarlett Johansson’s nose because she’s a beautiful talented actress who has hopes and dreams and sorrows just like anyone else. And a huge rack. Yeah maybe it’s the huge rack. What?

Whoa. I’m getting all geared up for my patriotic nudity & fun in the sun week off and these come in off the wire. What the hell? Apparently Scarlett Johansson now has a nose ring, a weird tattoo and is dressing like the creepy girl’s PE teacher at my middle school. How could this happen? The last time I saw her she was getting thin due to breakup stress and looking like she was ready to party all night. Now she looks like she can’t find her minivan at Showbiz Pizza. I’m not one to judge -wait I’m an anonymous internet writer who gets paid to make fun of people- so yes. Yes I am one to judge. Maybe she’s a method actor and she’s preparing for a role. And maybe that role is somebody’s dumpy mother who used to be a goth whore but now has 3 kids and drives a Honda Odyssey. More hot high waisted shorts action. Rreeeow. My fave is pic 4. That dude’s name is Meat.

According to the people at People, ScarJo is dating RyReyn. That’s paparazzi talk for: Scarlett Johansson is banging another dude who happens to not be me. Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett were seen canoodling (more gossip lingo!) in NYC this week. At least it’s not Josh I comb my hair with a dead oil spill duck Hartnett.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds spent a busy weekend in New York City together.

On Saturday night, the pair were seen getting close at the Manhattan restaurant Odeon. “They were in a good mood,” says one eyewitness who saw them laughing and smiling.

“They were definitely holding hands,” says another observer. “They were a cute couple!” (source)

Scarlett has been linked with a lot (A LOT) of people lately which makes think she may be a slight whore. Not in a bad way though. In the, eventually she’ll make it around to me kind of way. The fact that Scarlett is premium heat, notwithstanding, I can see why Ryan Reynolds wants to go out with her. He was engaged for 2 years to a self righteous, sanctimonious wannabe activist who was actually a sellout Debbie Gibson wannabe who gave Dave Coulier a blow job at the movies. Cut. It. Out.

I don’t really see what Scarlett sees in Ryan. Besides the money, handsome face, chiseled superhero physique, and snarky sense of humor, what does he really have have? There’s more to life than just good looks, money and hot chicks. Wait, no. No, there really isn’t. More Scarlett and one for you ladies. I’m all about equality. And boobies. Whatever.

Hope you all had a fun filled Easter Weekend celebrating the rabbit that lays chocolate eggs who brought that Jewish guy back from the dead, or whatever that’s all about. I just drank a lot and had sex fourteen times. Which is kinda the same thing. Paganism is the shit. Switching gears from religion to awww, aint that cute as a button, here’s Jessica Simpson, wearing a homemade dress frolicking with John Mayer on the beach in a totally non-staged day of fun in the sun overcast clouds.

LINKS!

• Totally sweet spoiler of the next Heroes Episode. Linderman is a hero too? (Heroes Forum)
• Dita Von Tease gets naked. Again. Never gets old, but GF needs some vitamin D. (DS)
• Avril Lavigne is a sell out. But I’m sure she’s totally hardcore on the inside. (Tasteful)
• Kirsten Dundst got dumped. SFW? (Yeeeah!)
• Jenna Haze drinks something ut I’m just staring at her rack. (Bastardly)
• Scarlett Johansson tries to un-whorify herself. (Bumpshack)
• Charlotte Church is a big black girl. (DListed)
• Celebrities smoking pot, for you fetishist. (City Rag)