NSFW – Fatback Media

I said goddamn, Salma! This is a very preggo Salma Hayek at some charitable function for some charitable cause that we don’t give two flying charitable whacks about..except, we do care because we’re red-blooded Americans who appreciate a ridiculous plunging neckline showing off those radiant, voluptuous love nests. I’m pretty sure those 36QQs are the stuff dreams are made of. I even have a spot of drool on my chin as I type. A spot of drool? When did I become British? Oh well, cheerio…suckas!

On a related note, how much nutrition does an adult gain from breastfeeding? I bet Wikipedia knows…

Salma Hayek blah blah TV show blah blah Ugly Betty blah blah. BOOBS! I personally have one of the nicest racks this side of the Mason-Dixon (it’s been proven in 9 states, fellas!) and even I can’t help but drool over Salma Hayek’s devastatingly perfect rack. The only thing better would be if her bra was even more ill-fitting and revealing. Actually, it would be better if I was in the elevator with her and we accidentally got stuck for a few hours. We got stuck because I might have promised the elevator repairman a trip “around the world” to write down the wrong building address. But I digress. Boobs!

Kristin Cavallari drinks iced coffee dressed like a commando surfer. A sexy commando surfer. (Bricks and Stones)

Salma Hayek has great breasts. And she would like you to look down her blouse and see them. (I’m Not Obsessed)

Jared Leto has a band (for some reason) named 30 Seconds to Mars. It should be called 30 Seconds to Man-love. Get it? I’m insinuating that Jared Leto might be gay, see? (D-Listed)

J-Lo and Mark “Skeletor Grande” Anthony are officially the scariest couple EVAH. (IDLYITW)

Catherine Zeta Jones and Salma Hayek square off in a Bastardly boobie contest. Tears of joy people, tears of joy. (The Bastardly).

Lindsay Lohan wants to open a boutique in Paris where she will presumably sell compete shit to other entitled, no talent bitches. (VHT)

The results are in and it looks like Scarlett Johannson’s “girls” are the best rack in the world, followed by Jessica Simpson and Salma Hayek. The yearly reader poll conducted by In Touch Weekly was recently announced and here’s how the list shaped up.

1) Scarlett Johannson

2) Jessica Simpson

3) Salma Hayek

4) Halle Berry

5) Jessica Alba

6) Tyra Banks

7) Jennifer Love Hewitt

Rebecca Romijn

9) Lindsay Lohan

10) Brittany Murphy

(source)

Obviously, this is my favorite time of year. Honestly, in a breast contest there really are no losers, but there were a few that I would have put in the top ten that didn’t make it. Like Monica Belluci, Katherine Heigl, Katherine McPhee, Kate Winslet, Poppy Montgomery, Rachel Nichols and my Swedish Figure skater girlfriend (who has the nicest rack I’ve ever seen in person without having to pay).