Lindsay Lohan failed at being a drunken whore and now she’s failed at being a sober whore. She reportedly tested positive for cocaine recently at the Utah rehab center where she’s been staying. This may prevent her from being released on schedule.

The ‘Mean Girls’ star – who has been receiving treatment for drug and alcohol addiction at Utah’s Cirque Lodge for two months – was said to have completed her programme last week but it has been claimed she was forced to stay on after testing positive for cocaine.

Insiders also alleged she has been drinking alcohol and mixing diet pills with prescription anti-anxiety medication in a bid to get high.

A source told Australia’s New Weekly magazine: “I think she’ll take whatever pills they allow her. It’s obvious to me she’s high because she acts loopy and can’t seem to walk in a straight line!” (source)

I think we can all agree that regardless of what poor Lindsay’s been through, her breasts still look great. And if there’s one thing that makes everything okay in America it’s a nice rack.

There’s a war going on.

Yeah but did you see Lindsay’s tits?

I know! God bless us every one!

I think I like the failed rehabbed coke whore Lindsay the best. All that positive thinking and happy-happy joy-joy is sexy as hell. Because you know she is just seething underneath to get her freak on in bathroom with some random dude with horse mouth and a bloody nose. Why? Because rehab doesn’t work. All they teach in rehab is how to trade dependence (on drugs, alcohol, sex[!], etc) for co-dependence on other people who are just as fucked up as you are. Trying to kick a habit in rehab is like asking a drowning person to help you swim to safety. Or asking me to have sex with you. Ladies call me. I have blow.

These are some of the most boring photos EVER of Lindsay Lohan celebrating her 21st birthday by the beach. I think I’m starting a petition to bring back the fire crotch. Sobriety is for quitters.

Not only was Lindsay’s beachfront birthday blowout supervised by her mother (who brought along her little brother for extra support), but we’re hearing that the party’s entertainment was overseen by a team of Promises folks – according to our source, the strongest stuff at the party was lemonade and soda! (source)

Dude, when your rehab coach supervises your 21st, you know you have a problem. I’m sure they figured out a way to get some contraband in there. Scope with a vanilla extract chaser anyone? Hardcore, bitches. Sucks to be Lindsay Lohan. I spent my 21st birthday in proper southern fashion – pounding Jager bombs and dancing topless on a table with a dude in a trucker hat and a spider monkey. That is, of course, until we were asked to leave due to “inappropriate behavior”. Fucking Waffle House. Anyway. Is it just me or is LiLo’s mother a total MILF? Wait, I meant really creepy looking bitch.

Elevenety billion more boring pics of Lindsay Lohan at her boring drug free party here.