NSFW – Fatback Media

Afternoon links! It’s Monday and the week already sucks. Stop working and kill the rest of the day reading internet gold.

Hayden Panittierre is still jailbait, so that makes you a dirty perv. (The Bastardly)

Fergie’s song London Bridge is apparently a reference to a group sex position. I wonder if she’s heard of Rodeo style? (Yeeeah)

Christina Aguilera in October JANE. How long till I post these myself? (INO)

Reese Witherspoon + Cake = Super yummy. (Smart)

For the ladies. LOST and Sawyer are returning in nine days. The square root of 9 is 3, which is a prime number. LOST comes on at 9, which is PRIMEtime. Coincidence? Huh? HUH? Math rulez. (Bumpshack)

Jesus H Martinez! See the MySpace showdown between JM and some DJ who may be gay. His text siggy is 2 turntables and a mixer. CLEVER! (DrunkenStepfather)

Steven Tyler has Hepatits C. Which is just slightly classier than Hepatitis B. (Gossip or truth)

It’s Spankin’ Free Music Week at MTV. Head over and check out all the new goodness. (MTV)

Reece Witherspoon is not pregnant, according to her rep and these pictures of her at the beach. US Weekly had this:

After one publication which shall not be named mistakenly claimed Reese Witherspoon is preggo with her third child (her rep tells Us that the actress is not expecting), the Oscar winner put the rumors to rest when she showed off her hot bod at a Malibu beach on June 17.(source)

Reese Witherspoon is cute as can be, but she’s also sexy as hell. And don’t get me started on that accent. These pictures are further proof that having kids does not mean you abandon all hope of being sexy and attrative. Everyone loves a good MILF. Britney Spears, on the other hand is MIWNLF. (Figure it out). As a matter of fact, trying to compare Britney Spears to Reese Witherspoon is like trying to compare a tubby redneck slob to a sexy petite chick with an adorable accent. Wait. Yeah, that seems about right. Now if I can just photoshop that midget out of that photo, I can get started with my, um, research. Midgets are scary.

Popsugar had these awesome photos of new mom Jennifer Garner before a taping of David Letterman that airs later this week. Jennifer Garner, who series Alias finishes up it’s five year run this week was somewhat reflective when asked about the show’s end.

“I feel very much like a college senior,” she said. “Kinda, ‘When will this ever end? I’m never going to get out of here!’ and at the same time, `Oh, don’t let it end. Who am I without it? I don’t want it to end! I love these people.’”(source)

Jennifer Garner couldn’t be any cuter if she was holding a basket full of pink bunnies that clucked like chickens and kittens with little wool hats on. Jennifer Garner is probably the cutest hot celebrity in Hollywood next to Reese Witherspoon. I think that if Jennifer Garner and Reese Witherspoon ever hung out and talked all southern and giggled to each other like, ” I KNOW, girl!” “I KNOW!”, it would be so cute that it would cure cancer. Here are some images of Jennifer going to the David Letterman show looking all Suth’n Sophisicate (source) and some images of Reese and Jennifer in New Orleans this close to “cute-ing” away Hurrcane Katrina’s shittiness.(source)

Rumors are circling the gossip dens about marriage troubles between Reese Witherspoon and her husband Ryan Phillippe, with whom she has two children. Of course, Reese’s camp has issued a denial, but insiders are saying that she may be planning to get pregnant again in order to strengthen her marriage.(source)

[A] new report says Reese will not give up and is planning to save her marriage possibly by having baby number three.

And a report says she’s willing to walk away from her $30 million a movie career if she has to.

Patricia Towle cites an insider that dishes, “Reese has achieved everything a woman could want except for a rock-solid marriage.”

The friend says. “She’s on cloud nine with her Oscar win, but she knows that her marriage could use strengthening. She’ll gladly put her career on hold because family matters most.”

I don’t think Reese Witherspoon could get any cuter even if she was lying in a spring meadow with two puppies with pink ribbons tied to their wittle heads. I literally don’t know if I would rather have sex her or have slumber party with her where she’s wearning a fluffy bathrobe and bunny slippers. We could have movie night and everything! Freeway kicked ass. That said, when will southern women realize that getting knocked up at the first sign of trouble is probably not the best way to hang on to a man? Children do not make a bad marriage better, they make it much, much worse- just ask Shar Jackson (or Britney Spears in 6 months). The decision to have children should be based on love and mutual respect or, if your like my mom, on the chance to visit that dreamy pediatrician again. Munchausen rulez!