Thoroughly disgusted with both marriage and Hollywood, Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon believes firmly in her Southern roots. She has taken her children and moved to Charleston, S.C. Both kids are said to be in public school there. (source)

I’m glad to see Reese is getting back to her southern roots and coming back down to live with her people. Charleston is hip, yet refined, historic without being stodgy and didn’t get ruined in a hurricane last year. Win-win. It’s also dripping with co-eds who are more than eager to welcome you with acts of southern hospitality. Holla back COC & MUSC! Welcome home Reese. We’ll swing by with some mac & cheese and potato salad to get you all settled in.

Ain’t nothin’ worse than havin’ link-debt hangin’ over your head so I’m spreading the love, southern style.

• Check out the new college boobies. For kids. NSFW. (College Humor)
• The Losties are in Scranton? I think Ryan may have yellow fever now. (GMMR)
• Hot videos of college girls. Or Videos on a college site and there may be some girls. Or something. (College Humor)
• Abi Titmus interviews a naked chick about sex. (Bastardly)
• Reese Witherspoon gets revenge by being sexy, southern y’all. (yeeeah)
• Jesus says Trendmill is the new MySpace, except for sexy people. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Speaking of trendmill and sexy mofo’s. Here’s an invite if you need one. (Trendmill)
• Britney may get a visit from Child Protective Services. (Derek Hail)
• Adam Brody is banging Jessica Simpson. (Cele|bitchy)

Reports are now coming in (and by reports, I mean: I read a bunch of blogs) that the recent breakup between Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon was prompted by the fact that Ryan Phillippe cheated with Australian actress Abbie Cornish.

On October 10, local Lauren Scott witnessed Phillippe and a blonde, who fit Cornish’s description, kissing at sushi restaurant Kenichi. “I was pretty shocked that he would blatantly cheat on Reese in public,” Scott tells Us.

But Witherspoon and Phillippe’s union remained intact – until Witherspoon, 30, was alerted to pictures of Phillippe with Cornish, says a source. When she confronted him about the relationship, “Ryan admitted it was true and said, ‘We just need to end this.’ Reese literally had no choice.” (source)

Ryan Phillippe is about as masculine as a hairless vagina. Even his name is effete: “fill-EEPE”. Whatever princess. He always looks like he’s about to snap into a rage, but instead of kicking your ass, he would aggressively shave his balls. “You see that motherfucker? That taint is fucking smooth as silk.” Here are some nude pictures of Abbie Cornish, the girl that broke up a seven year marriage and opened the door for me get some rebound time in with Reese. G’Day mate!

According to the always up in your shit TMZ.com, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe have split up. Details, as usual, are as sketchy as the guy in the greasy cardigan sweater with leather patches on the elbows who hangs out in the library near the bathroom. So far the actual reason for the split was not released.

The couple’s rep released a statement to TMZ Monday morning that says “We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time.” (source)

I try not to get into people’s business very much because Jesus doesn’t like a gossip. Or whores. Or Gossipy whores. However, since I will soon be making aggressive, yet attentive and sweet love to one of the parties involved in this story it’s actually my business too. I already have my sexy moves all worked out. And before you fellas break out the faux tiger skin rugs and aroma therapy candles, I’m talking about Reese. Although I did look hot as a sexy cowboy in my ass-less chaps at a Halloween party over the weekend, if I do say so myself. Buns of steel. Buns. Of. Steel.

Afternoon links! It’s Monday and the week already sucks. Stop working and kill the rest of the day reading internet gold.

Hayden Panittierre is still jailbait, so that makes you a dirty perv. (The Bastardly)

Fergie’s song London Bridge is apparently a reference to a group sex position. I wonder if she’s heard of Rodeo style? (Yeeeah)

Christina Aguilera in October JANE. How long till I post these myself? (INO)

Reese Witherspoon + Cake = Super yummy. (Smart)

For the ladies. LOST and Sawyer are returning in nine days. The square root of 9 is 3, which is a prime number. LOST comes on at 9, which is PRIMEtime. Coincidence? Huh? HUH? Math rulez. (Bumpshack)

Jesus H Martinez! See the MySpace showdown between JM and some DJ who may be gay. His text siggy is 2 turntables and a mixer. CLEVER! (DrunkenStepfather)

Steven Tyler has Hepatits C. Which is just slightly classier than Hepatitis B. (Gossip or truth)

It’s Spankin’ Free Music Week at MTV. Head over and check out all the new goodness. (MTV)