NSFW - Fatback Media » Raquel Houghton

Jessica Simpson on E-Bay

Fatback — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 17:24:01 +0000

An extra on the set of Jessica Simpson’s movie, Employee of the Month, is auctioning off a chewed piece of Jessica’s gum on eBay. No wonder she’s only an extra.

The blonde actress discarded the candy as she was preparing to shoot a kissing scene with her co-star Dane Cook in their movie “Employee of the Month.”

Jessica, 26, gave the gum to an extra on set who rather than throw it away has decided to make a quick buck.

“Jessica was chewing gum when shooting started and asked if we would mind her putting her gum in a napkin on our table.”

“I joked that I would sell it on eBay. She said, ‘Go for it. You might make 99 cents.’”

“Here’s that pale blue gum. It was in her mouth so it has her DNA on it so you can clone her.”

The seller will also provide a letter of authenticity, some gossip from the film and a “head shot to the winning bidder so that they have proof that I am sitting next to Jessica in the movie.”

(source)

This is like the time I lost my glasses once at camp…except it isn’t like that time because I would change glasses to ‘virginity’ and lost to ‘forced myself on the camp counselor’. Not only does this ‘extra’ now have enough germs to classify for level 5 containment, but she clearly lacks what we essentially take for granted…a fucking clue. Everybody knows you have to cut her hair while she gently sleeps off the GHB you slipped in her drink. So peaceful. Soft, soft hair.
Wait, did she say clone Jessica? Social decay, nuclear warfare, George Bush and botox made the list, but I’m pretty sure Jessica Simpson was not in Revelation as a sign of apocalypse. Unless of course she’s the antichrist. Which would be sweet. Bless her heart.

UPDATE: The bidding is up to $127.00. See it here!

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Jessica Simpson is a liar

Fatback — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 14:08:00 +0000

Jessica Simpson is apparently over her self imposed waiting period (did it ever start?) to start seeing other men. Rumor has it that she has been “close” with Dane Cook, Zach Braff and John Mayer all in the last few months. According to TMZ she was seen getting very close to Dane Cook a few nights ago at the Employee of the Month premier party.

But just two nights before [the premier party], as TMZ reported exclusively, the pop princess showed up at the Four Seasons hotel in Los Angeles, and promptly disappeared into the night – or, at least, an elevator – with rocker John Mayer. As for her evening at Manhattan hotspot Tenjune with Cook, Page Six spies say that the “Employee” co-stars spent the evening “whispering into each other’s ears” (of course, it’s a very loud club) and that Dane “kept coming back to her every time he was pulled away.” At the end of the night, however, Jess left with her real constant companion – hairdresser Ken Paves. (source)

I’m not sure what Ken Paves did to her hair but I know that it’s about 40 years too late. I’m so confused by her hair that I’m not even sure what I mean by that. Also, she’s not wearing a bra. But before you get out your Photoshop lens and a some tissues, take a closer look. She’s wearing those little rubbery things that girls get in the lingerie section that stick to their boobs and hold them up when they want it to appear that they are bra-less. Unfortunately, those things cover up the nipples, ruining the whole effect. It’s disingenuous and confusing. Kinda like a Stuff Magazine shoot. “Hey, here are some boobies on a hot model, but unfortunately this model is an alien and mysteriously has no nipples under her fish-net seethru shirt.” The question you may be asking is: why was I in the lingerie section looking at rubbery boobie holder uppers? Research, people. Pure research.

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Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook probably still dating

Fatback — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 13:04:35 +0000

Looks like this little ~~made-up story~~ rumor about Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook may be true after all. So I don’t take back this post or this post about Dane two-timing Raquel Houghton. It just goes to show you that people who star in movies together end up banging. I think it’s a law in LA. I know it’s a law in my home movies. I get the waiver signed.

Is Jessica Simpson cuddling up to her “Employee of the Month” co-star?

“Extra” has learned that Jess may be going on the record to deny she’s dating comedian cutie Dane Cook, but Us Weekly’s Katrina Szish says the new issue has a different story to tell!

“Sources tell us the two have been spotted snuggling and are definitely seeing each other,” she revealed. (source)

So here are some advanced shots of the movie posters for Employee of the month which, despite the fact that the premise looks weak, may end up being okay because of Dane Cook and some possible Jessica Simpson bikini action. So, to whet your appetite here’s Jess in her bikini in Cabo doing her best “What? Where did those photographers come from? fiddle-dee-dee” impression.

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Raquel Houghton sharing Dane Cook with Jessica Simpson?

Fatback — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 12:38:54 +0000

We reported a few months back that Dane Cook may be stepping out on his hot Latina girlfriend and singer Raquel Houghton with Jessica Simpson, so this latest news is not too surprising.

Simpson is reportedly getting hot and heavy with comedian Dane Cook, her co-star in their forthcoming flick “Employee of the Month,” according to Life & Style Weekly. “Sparks flew” during the filming of the movie over the winter but Cook was still with his longtime girlfriend Racquel Houghton.

Last week, Cook and Simpson “couldn’t hide their feelings” for each other at the Hollywood hotspot Hyde, according to the mag, even though the two maintain that they’re “just friends.”

“They looked like two people trying not to look like a couple but who really wanted to rip each other’s clothes off,” a “witness” told L&S, which also reports that at 2 a.m. the two planned a rendezvous at a gas station.(source)

According the Official website for Raquel Houghton’s band The Valli Girls:

If you haven’t heard of The Valli Girls, don’t worry because you soon will. These five teens from L.A.’s San Fernando Valley could easily be the girls next door-if those girls next door had been playing an instrument since they could walk, formed a band,had a record deal with Columbia Records and set their sights on ruling the world.(source)

Jessica Simpson better watch out. The last thing she wants is to get into a street dancing fight with a hard core gangsta bitch from the mean streets of the San Fernando Valley. OMG! SHUT. UP. Right?

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Jessica Simpson wants Dane Cook

Fatback — Mon, 27 Feb 2006 16:44:08 +0000

Or at least his girlfriend, Valli Girls Lead Singer Rachel Houghton thinks so. Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook are currently filming the movie Employee of the Month in New Mexico and rumor has it that his girlfirend is a bit worried.(source)

In Touch gives this report:

Dane Cook’s girlfriend has flown to New Mexico to be near her man – because she is terrified he will leave her for Jessica.

She reportedly told a friend: “I am so worried he will fall for Jessica. He thinks she is really hot!” Costa Rica-born Raquel, 26, has been dating the 33-year-old for more than two years — they even have a miniature pincher together.

Unfortunately, Raquel’s presence on the set hasn’t made it easy for Jessica. “Dane’s girlfriend won’t speak to Jessica,” says a set insider.

“And they’re trying to avoid each other.”

First of all, I love Dane Cook, but in a totally platonic manly way. The dude is just funny. I mean I’d probably show him the bat wing, but then I would kick him in the ass. That said, his girlfriend, whom I’m told is a sexy, red-hot lead singer for some band I have never heard of called the Valli Girls, probably should watch out for Jessica Simpson. She has a bad habit of banging everyone she meets. Wait that’s a good habit.

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