NSFW - Fatback Media

Well it’s refreshing to see that advertisers have decided to go the high road and not take a barely legal teenager and exploit her using sexually suggestive imagery with and try to mitigate it with a ridiculous sappy tagline. Except, OHMYGOD not really. What the hell? An alter boy with a priest’s nutsack in his mouth isn’t this suggestive. Instead of Got Milk?, it should be Got Facial, Lolita? 

Links for the chickenhawks.

• Lindsay Lohan goes free. Surprise! STFU. (Notorious)
• Jenna Jameson says something about porn or her implants or something. I liked her better with a dick in her mouth. (Yeeeah)
• Tom Brady’s bastard was born today. (IDLYITW)
• Jennifer Aniston is destined to die alone with 50 cats. (Holy Candy)
• Mariah Carey nude and naked to get your SEO on. (City Rag)
• Pink’s marriage is A-OK. At  least that’s what she said after blowing me last night. (Evil Beet)
• Kate Walsh is hot Irish American action, but she’s going off the market. (Bumpshack)
• Rick Springfield lives! (Allie)
• Jessica Biel in FHM France. Mais Oui. (Bastardly)
• Britney might kidnap her own kids, but in her defense she thought that meant sleepy time. (Celebitchy)
• Giselle underboob. (Jordan)
• The Little Mermaid brings it’s cock-like buildings to Broadway. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Let the sunshine in on your painted hippie tits. (CH)

R&B star and Kim Kardashian sex tape co-star (?) Ray J has dreams of becoming Mayor of Carson California, not a huge stretch considering Ahnold is the guvnah and Sonny Bono was a member of Congress. Except, Ray J is a naughty, naughty boy and his sex tape controversy may be keeping him out of office.

The singer/actor has huge political ambitions and his leaked sex tape, in which he cavorted with socialite Kim Kardashian, wrecked his bid to become Carson’s mayor this year (07) - but he isn’t giving up. He tells Sister 2 Sister magazine, “I might do it at the next election and let all of this controversy die down and then hit them harder.”

“I want people to look at other things besides rapping and singing… Young people 18 and older don’t vote. When I get people to start voting and start uplifting themselves in the political side of life… I’m making a change in the world. “I’m going to keep going. I’m going for president of the United States of America.” (source)

Ahh hahaha, “hit them harder”. That’s what she said. Seriously though, I’m all for electing porn stars to public offices. John Holmes can be the Thruster of the House. Linda Lovelace can play Bush. And Elisha Cuthbert can be the Fist Lady. (Okay I know she isn’t a porn star, but she played one once and that’s basically the same thing.) Sessions of Congress would really just be consecutive days of orgies and the State of the Union addresses would be broadcasts of classic hits like Ally McFeal, Nightmare on Dyke Street and Dial A for Anal. Holy shit, the ideas are rolling…where’s my pen??

Oh. Umm. We at FB&C acknowledge free love and its consequences so before you tag it, bag it. No glove, no love. And so on. Holla!

Katie Holmes is pissed. New York Post reports that a young virgin has changed her name to Katee Holmes and will be starting a porn career, in which she will lose her virginity in her first film. Get it? Katie, Katee? Duh.

“It’s a really cheap shot,” a rep for the actress, who’s married to Tom Cruise, told Page Six. But Shy Love, an adult film vet who manages the 5-foot-9, 122-pound Katee - a small-town girl from Illinois - insisted: “Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she’s done, beginning with ‘Dawson’s Creek.’ ”

“I know it’s pretty extreme to lose my virginity on camera, but I like the fulfillment and excitement I get from watching porn, so I figured [a movie] was the best place for me to lose it,” the not-that-innocent Katee said. “How many people wished they could relive their first experience, if not to remember it but to learn from it, right?” (source)

Man, what a whore. But guys love whores. I think they’re taken aside at an early age and shown cheap porn mags like Cheri, or Oui, forever conditioning them to hit on the cheapest, sluttiest girl in the bar. That being said, it’s like Katee stole the idea right out of my goddamned head. No doubt you will be lined up to see this nubile, young thing lose her love flower, wishing you were the one giving her the bulging love stick. What the fuck did I just say? Anyway, instead, you are crying, realizing you just lost your virginity to the 19 year-old hag babysitter who punched you in the face as she called you the wrong name. Then she made you get her McDonalds. Sucked to be you. Loser. More Katee. I mean Katie. I mean Kate.

Ok. So I admit it. I kinda like how when I post Antonella Barba pictures I get eleventy bazillion hits that day. It helps pay for my chronic addiction to vodka tonics and also gives me a little pleasure knowing that I am even the least bit responsible for launching a future Skinemax Star. Antonella is everything right about this country. She can’t sing, she has bitchy friends but she’s hot and looks really good naked. Instant. Star. Antonella should totally come in second or third, because America loves an underdog. Especially a skanky underdog who would probably do anal if you get your hands on a Nikon D90. Check out what VFTW said about last weeks show.

This may be one of the most VFTW episodes of Idol EVER. Nick, AJ, Alaina, and Leslie went home. ManBearPig sheds tears, Alaina can’t complete her sing out, Pickler comes back looking 40 and still sucks (with a much bigger butt), and ANTONELLA IS SAFE. I can’t stop cheering. This is the best show on television, folks! We love you, Antonella, don’t let us down next week. (source)

I love American Idol. And I love you adsense. We’ll make great pets. Here’s more Antonella giving us her rowr face in a fountain. Mo’ after the jizzump.

UPDATE: A patriotic reader just informed me that Antonella is actually in a World War II Memorial Fountain. I think that a half naked wet girl frolicking in a Memorial intended to remind us of those that gave all is extremely, well…AWESOME. My grandfather was at Pearl Harbor and he always said the best thing about America was naked chicks and blowjobs. He was cool that way.

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Miss America and former party girl Tara Conner is out of rehab and into spinning some PR. Matt Lauer of the Today Show will get the only scheduled live interview on Thursday and a taped interview for Dateline will air Thursday night. In a pre-interview statement picked up by E! news, Tara expounds on being a role model, finding inner peace and her stint in rehab.

“I would not change my past, because it gave me my future,” she told NBC News in preparation for her chat with Lauer. “I learned the tools to live a clean and sober life of recovery. From rehab, I gain sobriety.” (source)

Fuck that. She’s a 21 year old religiously oppressed southern girl with a great rack and an appetite for destruction. Of course she partied when she got to the big city. That’s what they do. Sending a horny 21 year old model to rehab for sex and drugs is like cutting off a unicorn’s horn and stabbing him in the eye with it. Then giving him an eye-patch to wear so he thinks that maybe, just maybe, you didn’t really mean to do it. Then you laugh at him in front of the other mythical beasts. And he just cries silent tears from his one good eye that hit the ground and turn into black rainbows of dispair as the magic leaves this world forever. Because he’s a pussy.

Paris Hilton never ceases to 1. amaze me, b. be naked, or Stardate 2517.09. be a filthy spoiled whore. That said, I think if she were held a little more as a child she probably wouldn’t be such a drugged out whore. She would just be a plain old vanilla whore like the rest of us. Speaking of filthy vanilla whores, here’s an oldie but nudey pic of Paris’s’s’s’s mom classin’ up tha jizzoint with some Baby Boomer titties. Rrreow. I love Cat Stevens. And apostrophes’.

• Sophia Bush at the Young Hollywood Top 20. Just because. (Bastardly)
• J-Lo’s dad is a Scientologist and a maker of hot latin asses. (Socialite’s Life)
• Eva Longoria is kind of a bitch. (Celeb Gossip Junkie)
• Pink says fur is for fatties. Kinda like her beave. (Pop on the Pop)
• Paris Hilton somehow remaina slutty after all these years. With VIDEO! (DS)
• Here’s QuiteFamo.us the Celebrity Search Engine. (QuiteFamo.us)
• Isaiah Washingtn is in Rehab for for being a bigot? But I thought he loved CRACK(ers)? (TMZ)
• Naked Collge Girl Boobies to crash your work internet filters. (College Humor)

“I think her name’s Lucy cuz they all call her Loos…”

This is Rebecca Loos nude on a beach full of people who are not nude. From what I hear, the only reason she’s famous is because she had an affair with David Beckham, which apparently in Europe makes you a superstar. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good whore and a good whore story, it’s just that this one is about as exciting as watching someone masturbate a pig. Anyway, the dude she’s with is Matt Ridge, who besides having a Soap Opera name and a six pack like me, plays rugby for some team somewhere. Or something. According to Wikipedia, Rebecca is not only a hot, mostly naked tramp, she also speaks 4 languages and is bi-sexual, making her a real whore’s whore. And my personal hero. Here’s more of Rebecca “I’m not that” Loos and some other whores from around the web.

I’ll have to post the rest later because my server is being raped by all of you today. Also it’s hard to type with one hand. And now: Internet whores.

• Thor is back baby. Nice hammer. (Gutter Bleed)
• Gay Phone sex operators (Crave)
• College Whores (College Humor)
• Jessica Beil: Drunken StepWhore (DS)
• Joanna Krupa: Fur Whore (Yeeeah)
• Doda Rabczewska: Polish Whore. (Bastardly)
• Tom Brady: Your defense choked Whore. (Bumpshack)
• Mena Suvari nude: American Pie Whore (Subvert)

Sci-Fi star Trisha Helfer sets aside the “Six-y” Cylon world to pose for Playboy. See what I did there? Who says girls can’t love sci-fi?

Tricia Helfer plays an evil machine on “Battlestar Galactica,” but the sexy Cylon may cause her fans to short-circuit when they see the latest edition of Playboy.

“I hope people like them,” Helfer told The Post of her 10-page nude pictorial shot by famed shutterbug Sante D’Orazio. “I know I do.” (source)

I’m not surprised. It’s always the unsuspecting ones, like the Sci-Fi chick, or the Catholic school English teacher, the burger joint French fry queen…your mom. Trekkie convention is just a glorified name for orgy and Deep Space Nine sounds like low-budget porn on Cinemax After Dark (PPV!). And the Twelve Colonies of Kobol are simply nudist, self-indulgent, hedonistic havens. Regardless, Trisha’s hot and I would park my Enterprise in her Final Frontier any day. Let’s just say I’ll take a ‘ NumberSix’ with ‘7 of 9′ any day. I don’t know, whatever, just go with it. Nerd. Get your game hand ready, here’s more science fictionly cyborg semi-nakedness. By the way, these photos are not from Playboy.

UPDATE: PLAYBOY IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST

And by request, I mean Tatyana from Playboy Inc complained to my hosting company, Godaddy, instead of contacting me and they shut my site down. I moved to a new server, but the images from this post only exist in my mind. And in Tatyana’s mind. Because she’s dirty. If you have any royalty free Tricia Helfer’s let me know.

TMZ reports naughty girl Jenna Jameson has filed for separation from husband Jay Grdina, also a porn star. The couple was married for over three years.

TMZ obtained the legal papers, filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court. Jameson, whose legal last name is Massoli, has been estranged from husband Jay Grdina. Grdina, also a porn star, performs under the name Justin Sterling.

The couple has no children, however, we’re told the divorce could get nasty. Sources tell TMZ the couple has no prenup, but Jameson is rolling in dough after selling her lucrative business to Playboy. Jameson is repped by mega-celebrity lawyer Neal Hersh. (source)

Gr-whata..? Anyhoo. Jenna’s currently rebounding with an Ultimate Fighting champion so get your game face on if you think you have a shot. That said…Two people who built a relationship amidst licentious orgies and taboo indulgences and getting the perfect money shot didn’t make it as eternal soulmates? Stunned. I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but landing a porn star prolly doesn’t involve flowers and romantic beach walks. Somehow I imagine a tightrope, officer uniforms, a pizza box, foot long rails of coke and a monkey in a conductor’s hat (It’s a monkey! In a train hat!) are not quite the elements for creating a lasting romance. Now if you’ll excuse me; I need to make a phone call. Suddenly I feel wildly qualified. And now. Nudity. (yeah these are old, but she’s not getting any less naked, perv.)

Well, well, well. Looks like the queen of the bloggers is getting his comeuppance after all. We’re having a huge party right now complete with a photoshop contest of the best/worst celebrity bloggers. I’m drunk. See what’s happening on the other side of the tracks.

• Perez Hilton sued for copyright infringement, misuse of copyrighted material and for being a suck-up bastard that may ruin it for all of us. Well that last one I made up, but I’m pretty sure it’s a law. Call me esquire. (yeeeah)
• Holy shit. Eddie Murphy is back for Beverly Hills Cop IV. Allo, Acquelle, my naime is Seeergzhe. (Glitterati)
• Oh. BTW. Perez Hilton is getting sued for 7.5 million in case you were wondering. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Christina Applegate. Still hot. Still hairy. Which is no prob for me, I like em swarthy. (Bastardly)
• Lindsay Lohan is still a bitch. (INO)
• New details about Pam/Kid Rock divorce. Yawn. (Gossip or truth)
• Pulp Fiction: The short version. Faster than you can say Maxi-pad. (College Humor)