Well it’s refreshing to see that advertisers have decided to go the high road and not take a barely legal teenager and exploit her using sexually suggestive imagery with and try to mitigate it with a ridiculous sappy tagline. Except, OHMYGOD not really. What the hell? An alter boy with a priest’s nutsack in his mouth isn’t this suggestive. Instead of Got Milk?, it should be Got Facial, Lolita? 

Links for the chickenhawks.

• Lindsay Lohan goes free. Surprise! STFU. (Notorious)
• Jenna Jameson says something about porn or her implants or something. I liked her better with a dick in her mouth. (Yeeeah)
• Tom Brady’s bastard was born today. (IDLYITW)
• Jennifer Aniston is destined to die alone with 50 cats. (Holy Candy)
• Mariah Carey nude and naked to get your SEO on. (City Rag)
• Pink’s marriage is A-OK. At  least that’s what she said after blowing me last night. (Evil Beet)
• Kate Walsh is hot Irish American action, but she’s going off the market. (Bumpshack)
• Rick Springfield lives! (Allie)
• Jessica Biel in FHM France. Mais Oui. (Bastardly)
• Britney might kidnap her own kids, but in her defense she thought that meant sleepy time. (Celebitchy)
• Giselle underboob. (Jordan)
• The Little Mermaid brings it’s cock-like buildings to Broadway. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Let the sunshine in on your painted hippie tits. (CH)

Miss America and former party girl Tara Conner is out of rehab and into spinning some PR. Matt Lauer of the Today Show will get the only scheduled live interview on Thursday and a taped interview for Dateline will air Thursday night. In a pre-interview statement picked up by E! news, Tara expounds on being a role model, finding inner peace and her stint in rehab.

“I would not change my past, because it gave me my future,” she told NBC News in preparation for her chat with Lauer. “I learned the tools to live a clean and sober life of recovery. From rehab, I gain sobriety.” (source)

Fuck that. She’s a 21 year old religiously oppressed southern girl with a great rack and an appetite for destruction. Of course she partied when she got to the big city. That’s what they do. Sending a horny 21 year old model to rehab for sex and drugs is like cutting off a unicorn’s horn and stabbing him in the eye with it. Then giving him an eye-patch to wear so he thinks that maybe, just maybe, you didn’t really mean to do it. Then you laugh at him in front of the other mythical beasts. And he just cries silent tears from his one good eye that hit the ground and turn into black rainbows of dispair as the magic leaves this world forever. Because he’s a pussy.

“I think her name’s Lucy cuz they all call her Loos…”

This is Rebecca Loos nude on a beach full of people who are not nude. From what I hear, the only reason she’s famous is because she had an affair with David Beckham, which apparently in Europe makes you a superstar. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good whore and a good whore story, it’s just that this one is about as exciting as watching someone masturbate a pig. Anyway, the dude she’s with is Matt Ridge, who besides having a Soap Opera name and a six pack like me, plays rugby for some team somewhere. Or something. According to Wikipedia, Rebecca is not only a hot, mostly naked tramp, she also speaks 4 languages and is bi-sexual, making her a real whore’s whore. And my personal hero. Here’s more of Rebecca “I’m not that” Loos and some other whores from around the web.

I’ll have to post the rest later because my server is being raped by all of you today. Also it’s hard to type with one hand. And now: Internet whores.

• Thor is back baby. Nice hammer. (Gutter Bleed)
• Gay Phone sex operators (Crave)
• College Whores (College Humor)
• Jessica Beil: Drunken StepWhore (DS)
• Joanna Krupa: Fur Whore (Yeeeah)
• Doda Rabczewska: Polish Whore. (Bastardly)
• Tom Brady: Your defense choked Whore. (Bumpshack)
• Mena Suvari nude: American Pie Whore (Subvert)

Katherine Heigl is not a doctor, but she plays one in my mind. Naked.(The Bastardly)

Kara Monaco is the 2006 Playmate of the year. She’s hot but she banged Hugh Hefner which means she’s damaged goods. Hot girls with self esteem issues are easy! (Glitterati Gossip)

Tom Cruise and Puffy Puff Daddy P-Diddy Diddy (WTF ever) show what it looked like for Suri on the way out. (Best Week Ever)

Tori Spelling is getting married 2 weeks after her divorce was final. She is officially white trash. Keep her kids away from the lake.(D-Listed)

Jessica Simpson wants to smoke a little Blunt. James Blunt that is. And yes, it’s little. (Egotastic)

Veronica Mars is not getting cancelled from the new CW network. Well maybe. Probably not. What kind of half assed name is CW? I mean if you don’t want to be perceived as the “also-ran” flea market network then don’t have a name that sounds like the that 6′ 2″, 17 year old kid with the learning problem that used to kick my ass in the 5th grade. Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah Veronica Mars may be around for another season. Shocker. (GMMR)

Oh yeah. This sexy chick Victoria said that the new Armani spring 2006 line “Escape” was worth checking out and asked me to post this video. As a former Armani model I’ll have to agree. Look for my cameo in the video. I’m the sexy, non-gay guy. Marketing chicks are hot!

[gv data="soh4CjJlAZE" width="425" height="350"][/gv]

Tom Cruise isn’t a doctor but he did stay at a Scientology Express last night. (Velvet Hot Tub).

The Loop is the best new show that will probably not make it because Network Execs are idiots. Oh, and it has Mimi Rogers. Grrrwl. Cougar! (GMMR)

Chad Michael Murray’s new jailbait girlfriend is not pregnant. Obviously, he has weakened sperm. What a weak, genetically inferior bastard. My sperm is impregnating supermodels in other countries as we speak. (The Bosh).

Joe Simpson, the dirty dawg touchy-feely dad of Jessica and Ashley was on hand in Australia to creep out the citizens down under with his chester-molester outfit on. All he needs is a white van with a love seat stuffed in the back. PS. When Jenny talked about masturbating in this post I fell in love with her all over again.(sigh) (IDLYITW)

Mariah Carey has photoshop lost some weight and is almost bangable again. (Subvert Society)