NSFW – Fatback Media

Nothing like a steel guitar to send me to my roots and warm my soul. And seeing as how I’m committed to highlighting Southern sexy gossip, here’s some quick CMA Award Red Carpet shots, y’all.

The Good

Gretchen Wilson is simple but damn hot. Redneck women unite!

The Bad

Is it feathers? Is it hair? It’s Laura Birna and it’s wrong.

The Ugly

Bombshell? Kind of a misnomer, huh? Is that a combover? I am so lost.

The Smokin Hot

Carrie Underwood could be dressed in a laundry basket with silly string in her hair and she’d still be the most adorable thing this side of Canada. Actually, that’d probably make her even cuter.

The Owned

Here’s Faith Hill, ever the gracious country lady, taking the news that she just lost out to an American Idol contestant.

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Emily here. I’ve been MIA, I know. Fucking cop cuffed me to the bed then forgot to leave the key! Who does that? Shanna Moakler is a crazy woman with too much time. She celebrated her divorce from Travis Barker by throwing a party in Vegas and creating a creepy cake as the highlight. Apparently, Vegas is the land of merriment for any occasion.

Funny thing. I, too, baked a cake when the ‘state’ ruled I did not have to pay the fines for possession of killer good looks. Zing! It was clever in my mind, at least. I had no idea who Shanna Moakler was until recently, but she quickly soared to the top of my “shouldn’t be in public for fear of homicide” list. She’s fucking scary, like she’ll burn cigarettes into your back while making love on the kitchen floor, then splash you with a glass of vodka as she calls you a ‘perv’ and walks out the door, which makes her all the more attractive, which, incidentally, is the image I’m building so in summation: she’s my role model. Here’s some photos of Shanna from various places. That last one is a preview of the new stuff shot she just did. Dirty slave.

Hey y’all. It’s Halloween, my favorite holiday and it’s time for the 1st annual FB&C Celebrity Halloween Costume Contest. Our panel of expert judges, mostly consisting of me, have reviewed the top celebrity costumes this year and we have decided on the winner. We’d like to thank the celebrities for all the really inspired costumes this year. We can’t say for sure, but from the look of things, most of our contestants planned out their costumes tens of minutes before leaving the house. Sweet! Here are the contestants. Continue after the jump.

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Hey y’all, Emily here again. Check out these photos of Lindsay Lohan leaving a bar at the same time as Keanu Reeves. Coincidence? Or Whore?

I’ve been told shacking up with every guy in Hollywood is the first step to a visit at the “free” clinic, but I’ve resolved to adopt Lindsay’s approach to men and break-ups. Normally when my guy leaves me for the recently paroled cousin of his first wife, I cook a pot-roast, light candles, turn on something sentimental like Miles or Reverend Al, and drink entirely too much Franzia (its a box! of wine!), all the while stewing in the bane and blight that is the potage of my love life and then I take a naked swim in the nearest neighbor’s pool in hopes I die of a cramp before the pills kick in. But under Lindsay’s tutelage, I’ll just dance in cages at trendy clubs and make out with every B-list celebrity and heir this side of Europe (and even the cute ones in Europe). Excellent!

Also, in case your not in the fucking solar system, these images are from the hyper-litigious X17 ONLINE! Fucking watermark looks like a third degree burn. Subtle.