NSFW - Fatback Media

This is Sophia Bush on the beach in North Carolina where she participated in a local beach cleanup project sponsored by Barefoot Wine. Their slogan is “Get Barefoot and Leave only Footprints”. Hey, that’s a pun! I think the people in the background of pic 4 might have left footprints, as well as some cigarette butts and some chicken bones too. Score.

Sophia Bush is so impossibly pretty it’s ridiculous. Even when she’s picking up trash, she never looks bad. She’s one of those girls that always looks so pretty and clean and smells like expensive soap.

Links for you beach bums:

• Are you a lesbian? I bet you are you dirty bird. Find out with this quiz. (QR)
• John Mayer continues to lay all the hot chicks in the world. (Evil Beet)
• Janeane Garafolo is going to be on 24 this season. (Seriously OMG)
• Buffy 2 lookin’ goood. (Bastardly)
• Apparently every African American actor/singer/model/person in Hollywood is on the DL. (Celebrity Smack)
• Lindsay Lohan wants to be a singer. STFU, please. (Notorious)
• Some Disney show with hot chicks pretending to be in high school did something I think. (Downity)
• Fergie wears clothes and is kinda hot. (Gabsmash)
• Paris Hilton still can’t dress. Whore. (DS)
• Pete Doherty proves that there is no law enforcement in England. (Gossip or truth)
• Cute Collge Girl of the week: Laura from Meredith College (College Humor)
• Carrie Underwood sings with Vince Niel for some reason. (Bump Shack)

Except not really. No photoshop here right? I’ve seen more realistic photos in the Weekly World News. Like that bat kid that decided have sex with the fattest lady ever and they were friends with JFK and Hitler and when they went outside to look for el chupacabra, the clouds were shaped like the devil? The DEVIL. Makes you think.

Conspiratorial Update: There are some “behind the scenes” shots of this photoshoot that actually have Britney in them. Or do they? They made the moon landing look pretty convincing too.  (Allure)

 

Smokin’ hot and tabloid sizzling British couple David and Victoria Beckham are to appear on the August issue of W magazine. Here’s a quote from the article:

“When the soccer star married the pop singer, it was a match made in British tabloid heaven. Now David and Victoria Beckham are determined to become the new American idols.”

Drag. Lame. Bore. I am so unbelievably disappointed in these photos. I didn’t get a nip slip or a bare ass or some interspecies erotica or anything. Just some fucked up tattoos. Turns out W doesn’t stand for whore. (Who knew?) I feel so…teased. Now I know how all those boys (and girls) felt in high school. Instead, I got Posh in a maxi pad and “Becks” (stupid fucking name, by the way) looking as though he’s auditioning for male porn. Either that or a Calvin Klein ad, which is basically the same thing. Who the fuck chose their wardrobe? Conclusion: two unimpressed thumbs down. Leave the magazine on the shelves and wait for one of their sex tapes to hit YouTube. Because of some -ahem- legal issues we aren’t posting all of the pics here. You can see all the fish n’ chips in hi res here and here.

It rhymes! I don’t even know who Emily Scott is, but what I do know is that she’s pasting her sweet ass on every gentleman’s magazine in town, and to that I give a roaring “hell yeah”. And that’s not sexist, because I’m a girl. And keeping true to form, this is sinfully hot Emily doing it yet again for the July issue of FHM UK (pics source). Would you expect any less though? With a name like Emily, she’s sure to be charming and devilishly clever. So much so I bet you don’t realize your wallet’s missing even now, do you? Sucka! Go buy the magazine if you want to see more or if you’d like to see  Emily Scott naked check the archives.

This is the ridiculously hot Megan Fox at a recent Transformers press conference. Her Egyptian potato sack (?) dress is revealing one of her several tattoos. I’m not one to judge, but it’s well known tattoos are for whores. They don’t call it a ho’ stamp for nothing. True story. Here’s what she said in FHM about her ink.

Fox has said of her tattoos: “I have five. Anytime I have a feeling about anything, I get tattooed. I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie.”

That one one her back there is a version of a quote from King Lear (for you literary muthafuckas), but its kinda creepy because that’s what King Lear said to his daughter in the touching scene where they are led off to prison. So is this ironic? Or literal? Is she the tragic gilded butterfly for whom a fatherly figure (Daddy? David Austin Greene? Hollywood?) must suffer as he sees her caged, never to fly, and ultimately fall too soon for her years? Or was this scrawled in eyeliner pencil on the bathroom stall just above the toilet seat when she chopped up that last coke rail?

‘How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child.’

 

In one picture, Maggie Gyllenhaal has single-handedly become my hero. I have so many questions, but all I can do is stare. I can’t tell if that youngin’ is actually breast-feeding or just mocking what daddy does every night after 9pm. But more importantly, Maggie is my favorite kind of mother. You know, the ones who just let their babies latch on in the middle of the freaking street, without a bit of modesty…as if it’s natural to show your boobs on a bench in public. It is, isn’t it? The only way this picture could be better is if they were in Burger King surrounded by dirty-faced little urchins crying MAWma! and DIDdeee!. Cause nothing suggests redneck upward mobility like a peep show in the BK lounge.
(img source)

More hot MILF Jugs après le saut…

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I said goddamn, Salma! This is a very preggo Salma Hayek at some charitable function for some charitable cause that we don’t give two flying charitable whacks about..except, we do care because we’re red-blooded Americans who appreciate a ridiculous plunging neckline showing off those radiant, voluptuous love nests. I’m pretty sure those 36QQs are the stuff dreams are made of. I even have a spot of drool on my chin as I type. A spot of drool? When did I become British? Oh well, cheerio…suckas!

On a related note, how much nutrition does an adult gain from breastfeeding? I bet Wikipedia knows…

Quitters never win. Winners never quit…

While most of you were asleep Friday night, quietly dreaming of a 3 day weekend at the community pool eating BBQ chicken with your fingers and spraying fake tanner on your muffin tops, Lindsay Lohan was keeping it real and proving she’s no quitter by crashing her car at 3:30 am, drunk and holding what cops are calling a “usable amount of cocaine”.

Police tell TMZ that 20-year-old Lohan and two other adults were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible when she lost control and crashed into a curb and trees in Beverly Hills around 5:30 AM. After the crash, police say LiLo got into another car and was driven to Century City Hospital where she was treated for minor injuries that involved “something to her upper chest area.” Police said the two other people in her car were not hurt.

…She was cited and released and will have to face a judge. (source)

I think it’s fitting that this is a holiday weekend, because true heroes like Lindsay Lohan don’t normally get the attention they deserve. For instance, losers like you and me would get thrown in jail for 18 hours and eventually serve time for DUI and possession, but the goodly laws of LA say that if you’re a rich snot nose drunken drug user and you crash a car you can go home and sleep it off - like the special, special person that you are. You’ve got to admire her ability to stay on task as a coke whore - even in the face of those meanies at rehab, the tabloids, the American public, established social mores, a system of codified laws and legal standards and personal health issues. It’s about sacrifice. Lindsay Lohan. You are my hero.

Because it’s Memorial Day, I decided to post a retrospective pictorial journey through Lindsay Lohan’s finest NSFW moments for your patriotic perusal.

 

Singer Avril Lavigne is stirring up gossip over her image for the June cover of Blender magazine, where she is featured seemingly naked from the waist up. Oooh, sinner.

Truth be told, Lavigne revealed to us before taking the stage last night, the photo shoot was a little more innocent than you think. “Actually, I’m not topless on the cover,” she said. “I was wearing a tube top, and they just kind of put a banner on top of it.”

Even if she’s not topless, the 22-year-old is still flaunting her inner bad girl. “The Blender shoot was really fun because it was super rock and roll — we had a bottle of [whiskey] and ate cupcakes,” she said. “Everyone was super cool. It was definitely a different kind of photo shoot for me.” (source)

Cupcakes are so fucking rock‘n’roll. I bet if you slice open Mick Jagger, (besides dust) you’d find a tourniquet, a stripper and dozens of tiny cupcakes. Chocolate ones, with fuckin’ sprinkles. Becuase nothing says rock like tiny baked confections. Except, not. Avril is anything but rock‘n’roll. She’s a 22 year old whino from Canada who thinks she’s badass because she cusses and dates sk8er bois. If she were a real rock chick, she’d be naked in that photo giving Joe Perry a handjob while another girl tongues her Lizard King breast tattoo. But most importantly, she wouldn’t be talking about it because she wouldn’t have to. Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak. Whores. Here’s Avril at the Maxim Hot 100 Party.

Petra Nemcova was the main attraction at the her charity event for Helping Hearts Fund which supports underprivileged kids in Asia. The fund raiser which was held at the Gramercy Park Hotel, was packed with supporters and some A-List stars like Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, whose mere presence apparently saves children all over the world.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones literally did one lap around the rooftop and posed for a quick a photo-op with Nemcova before leaving less than five minutes after arriving. Radar later asked Nemcova how much Douglas and Jones donated to her charity: “Oh, their presence here is enough of a donation,” said the tactful beauty. So does that mean they didn’t pony up any cash? “No, they didn’t make an actual donation.” (source)

In their defense, they report that they did not realize that it was a fund raiser and besides they probably have charities that they give to in private. Like me. I support single moms by getting my hair cut at Great Clips or Hair Cuttery. I also support child hunger by getting extra lap dances from strippers who I can tell are still lactating. Think globally. Act locally.

More Petra because Michael Douglass see through makes me vomit in my mouth a little bit.