NSFW – Fatback Media

I’m pretty hungry most of the time, so I write about about food a lot. I’m also a horn dog so I write about boobies a lot too. Although I love them both, I’m not one of those dudes who likes to combine two awesome things because I think there will be a synergy between them and make the awesomeness even more awesomer. Those people are called pervs. I like food and I like sex, but never the twain shall meet. And don’t try to convince me otherwise, you Jeffrey Dahmer motherfucker.

Speaking of fucked up events it looks like Lindsay Lohan’s mother really fucked up the red carpet interviews for the premier of Georgia Rule (coming to a Blockbuster near you in 3 weeks). Apparently Jane Fonda was pissed and called Dina Lohan an overbearing whore and stabbed her in the neck with a pencil. That could’ve been a dream because I’m on Atkins and I think my ketones are all fucked up. I know that picture is old up there but I wanted to remind the world that I have Photoshop. Call me, eLance!

Links.

• Amanda Harrington and her rack hang out in a bikini. (DS)
• Angelina Jolie on a Japanese commercial that I think may qualify as porn. (Allie)
• Paris Hilton. Felon. Still breaking the rules like a rich, entitled brat. Fuck her. (Jordan)
• Jessica Stam shows a little ass crack. (Bastardly)
• There’s a girl from your school showing her boobies. (CH)
• Kelly Clarkson has some J in the GD T. (Yeeeah)
• Beyonce is scared of candy. Because candy is for fatties. True story. (INO)
• Keeley Hazell because…well, because. (Hollywood Tuna)
• Paris Hilton tries to reason with the governor of CA. “It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.” (DJM)

Paris Hilton, ever the speller, who’s facing up to 45 days in prison, posted a heartfelt half-ass plea on her MySpace page this week urging people to sign a petittion to keep her out of jail.

“My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn [sic] it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!”

The petition, created by the stunningly dim-witted, Joshua Capone urges Arnold Schwarzenegger to rescind the order to incarcerate Paris for av DUI conviction probation violation.

“Paris Whitney Hilton is a 26-year-old American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world,” (source)

The letter goes on and on, and I think at one point he talks about masturbating while actually writing the petition, but I got so bored reading it that I literally died for a minute or two. But the cold medicine that I cooked up into crystal meth gave me a heart attack and brought me back kicking and screaming. Moral of the story? Paris Hilton is a murderer. And Sudafed sinus really does work. Although you need a lot of nitric acid a hot plate and some expensive glassware. More Marisa Miller because Paris Hilton is about as sexy to me as slurping ipecac off a dude’s cock.

So apparently there was a Gala at  the the Costume Institute this week. And apparently there is actually a Costume Institute as well. From the looks of the photos coming from the gala, it was more of a cleavage contest than costume exhibition. I should to add some of my best costumes to the Gala, like the hefty bag and purple gloves that I used for my California Raisin costume in the 9th grade at Anna Wilson’s costume party. Which, as it turns out, wasn’t really a costume party. Oh yeah, they weren’t  laughing any more when the second story caught fire, were they? I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Links!

• Pipi Long has all the cleave-tastic photos from the Costume Institute Gala. (Pipi)
• Britney Spears comeback tour sho go away again. (DS)
• Jenny McCarthy ads a little class to the Kentucky Derby. (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton smokes a fat ass J. Made of poor people skin. True Story. (D-Listed)
• Spiderman 3 is out of web fluid. I liked the Spidey on the Electric Company. (Pajiba)
• Jessica Simpson looks like a tranny prostitute. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. (Yeeeah)
• Paris Hilton, rehires publicist, fires lawyer, eats a poor person. (Celebitchy)
• JT and Cameron D kiss. OMG! Arethey BFF’s again. I would so <3 that. (Bumpshack)

Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 Days in jail for violating the terms of her probation for a driving under the influence arrest. You remember, right? That’s the one where she drove to court on a suspended license? Yeah, that one. Although Paris was reportedly quite the picture of the contrite sweet young girl run afoul, but in the end, the judge (like the rest of the world) wasn’t buying it.

“I’m very sorry, and from now on I’m going to pay complete attention to everything. I’m sorry, and I did not do it on purpose at all.” (source)

Which probably would have gone over well if she hadn’t thrown her publicist Elliot Mintz under the bus right after that.

The judge called out [Paris'] rep Elliot Mintz in court, describing his testimony as “completely worthless.” He also told Paris that he did not believe that she was unaware of her license suspension, adding that she had paperwork in her car stating that her license was suspended. (source)

I was going to throw a Paris in jail countdown party and revel in the fact that a spoiled rich brat who shits on people all the time, but never expects any consequences was finally going to get her comeuppance and the world would be set right, but then I remembered that the world sucks and Paris’ family is rich so she’ll probably only serve a day or two in jail. They’ll chalk it up to “overcrowding” and let her go. Meanwhile the single mom who was arrested for shoplifting baby formula will serve her full term while her children get to stay in the sweet facilities down at the LA Social Services offices. Justice is blind baby, unless you stuff a wad of cash in her g-string. Whore. Speaking of…here’s another ubiquitous Paris Hilton upskirt. Yawn.