NSFW – Fatback Media

This is Shawnee Smith who plays Amanda in the Saw movies. Not only is she smokin’ hot she just happens to be from a little town in South Carolina which qualifies her for the FB&C Sexy Southern Girl of the Week (FBCSSGW). Oh, don’t bother checking the archives, this is the first time we’ve done this, but hopefully it will catch on, and my inbox will be filled with jealous southern girls trying to make the cut. Bless your hearts.
The judging panel of experts which consists of me and my penis, agreed unanimously that Shawnee is the epitome of irreverent sexy southern hotness with a dash of danger thrown in. Nothing like the fear of homicide to add a little spice to your sex life. You can find out the more about Shawnee at the ultra up-to-date IMDB to see all her roles, but she’ll always be Dr. Jessie O’Neil, Firewalker to me.

[BTW. If you got that last reference you're either really, really good at trivia or you're reading this from your mom's basement. Troll.]

Britney Spears officially filed for divorce from Kevin Federline yesterday after appearing on the David Letterman show the night before looking extremely fit.

TMZ obtained the legal papers, filed today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees. (source)

When I heard this I thought it wasn’t real. Like on Christmas morning when you were 10 and you walked into the den – still rubbing your eyes and tired – but instead of a half a carton of Kool Menthols and a pack of Steakum, you see that shiny new bike you asked Santa for at the mall. Then you wake up because it was all dream. So, you just go have a smoke and breakfast sammie and cry all day. It’s like that, except this time the bad man really is going away. I guess I could have posted the official divorce document like everyone else, but you legal eagles have probably already seen that. Plus, It’s kind of hard to get excited about a legal filing when you can stare at Britney’s huge rack.

UPDATE: A dirty, dirty reader sent me a link to the alleged Britney Spears Sex Tape. This link is NSFW, meaning prepare to get fired if you click it from work. Britney Sex Tape?

Nothing like a steel guitar to send me to my roots and warm my soul. And seeing as how I’m committed to highlighting Southern sexy gossip, here’s some quick CMA Award Red Carpet shots, y’all.

The Good

Gretchen Wilson is simple but damn hot. Redneck women unite!

The Bad

Is it feathers? Is it hair? It’s Laura Birna and it’s wrong.

The Ugly

Bombshell? Kind of a misnomer, huh? Is that a combover? I am so lost.

The Smokin Hot

Carrie Underwood could be dressed in a laundry basket with silly string in her hair and she’d still be the most adorable thing this side of Canada. Actually, that’d probably make her even cuter.

The Owned

Here’s Faith Hill, ever the gracious country lady, taking the news that she just lost out to an American Idol contestant.

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New autopsy results have been released about Anna Nicole’s son Daniel (who may have to be exhumed to be brought back to the US) amidst a controversy about the house in the Bahamas that she may or may not own.

Dr. Cyril Wecht, a private pathologist hired by the Smith family, confirms to PEOPLE that the antidepressant Amitriptyline, as well as two over-the-counter cold medicines, were found in Daniel’s body along with methadone and the antidepressants Lexapro and Zoloft. Sources also tell PEOPLE that a mild over-the-counter sedative was found in the 20-year-old’s system.

Dr.Wecht maintains his belief that it was the Lexapro, Zoloft and Methadone (none of which were ever prescribed to Daniel) that killed him. To make matters worse, Anna Nicole has been ordered to vacate her $1 Million home in the Bahamas by the man who says he’s the rightful deed holder. Smith just sued South Carolina developer G. Ben Thompson over the ownership of the property.

“He is going around claiming that the house is his. So we have sued him in the Bahamas Supreme Court for declaration that he is wrong,” says [Smith's Attorney] Munroe, who alleges that Smith has a signed and sealed deed giving the house to her.

Thompson tells PEOPLE about this legal challenge, “I won’t take it lightly. I’m certainly not going to roll over.”

At issue is the nearly $1 million home where Smith, her newborn daughter Dannielynn Hope and Smith’s partner Howard K. Stern have been living.

Thompson says he offered Smith financial help to buy the house. Smith was then supposed to sign a mortgage to buy the home from him, and a deed in her name would be filed in court. Instead, he says, she refused, so he had a new deed drawn up in his name.(source)

Dead husband. Dead son. Bastard child. No house. Damn. Anna Nicole Smith is so white trash that she makes toys-on-the-roof, trailer-park, rebel-flag-waving, busted-truck-driving hillbillies thank God everyday that they were born into the inbred-cousin-fucking family that they were, and not into hers. Toothless, redneck pig fuckers look at her and and say,”God damn she’s fucked up”, then go right back to fucking their pigs.