NSFW - Fatback Media

This is Sophia Bush on the beach in North Carolina where she participated in a local beach cleanup project sponsored by Barefoot Wine. Their slogan is “Get Barefoot and Leave only Footprints”. Hey, that’s a pun! I think the people in the background of pic 4 might have left footprints, as well as some cigarette butts and some chicken bones too. Score.

Sophia Bush is so impossibly pretty it’s ridiculous. Even when she’s picking up trash, she never looks bad. She’s one of those girls that always looks so pretty and clean and smells like expensive soap.

Links for you beach bums:

• Are you a lesbian? I bet you are you dirty bird. Find out with this quiz. (QR)
• John Mayer continues to lay all the hot chicks in the world. (Evil Beet)
• Janeane Garafolo is going to be on 24 this season. (Seriously OMG)
• Buffy 2 lookin’ goood. (Bastardly)
• Apparently every African American actor/singer/model/person in Hollywood is on the DL. (Celebrity Smack)
• Lindsay Lohan wants to be a singer. STFU, please. (Notorious)
• Some Disney show with hot chicks pretending to be in high school did something I think. (Downity)
• Fergie wears clothes and is kinda hot. (Gabsmash)
• Paris Hilton still can’t dress. Whore. (DS)
• Pete Doherty proves that there is no law enforcement in England. (Gossip or truth)
• Cute Collge Girl of the week: Laura from Meredith College (College Humor)
• Carrie Underwood sings with Vince Niel for some reason. (Bump Shack)

Nanny whore sounds sexier than it really is - especially when she sues you for 3 million dollars after fucking your husband and ruing your marriage.

Former Dancing With The Stars contestant Sara Evans, 36, is being sued for $3 million by her former nanny Alison Clinton Lee, for defamation, claiming that her name was smeared during the course of Sara’s very public divorce case, Nashville’s The Tennessean newspaper reported Tuesday.

The lawsuit was filed Monday in Davidson County Circuit Court. It stems from claims made in Sara’s Oct. 2006 divorce filing that her husband, Craig Schelske, had an affair with Alison.

Alison denied having the affair, and in the lawsuit, she says Sara made “slanderous and libelous statements” about Lee in her divorce filing and in the media. (source)

This may seem pretty tame to you, but I refuse to post anything else about Anna Nicole Smith. For at least 3 months. There are plenty of other redneck whores who are cryin’, lovin’ laughin’ or leavin’ out there to talk about.

In a marketing ploy that could only have been thought up by a gang of bonged out monkeys, www.searchwithkevin.com is a new online search engine that allows users to “Search the internet with Kevin Federline!” By using the site you can win autographed K-Fed memorabilia, although sadly, used wife-beaters, uncreased Yankees hats, and gold chains aren’t being offered. The same company that came up with this idea is also behind a few new promotions that you might see in the coming weeks–”Pick up chicks with Pacman Jones”, “Needle safety with Pete Doherty”, and “Contraceptive use with Tom Brady”.

In the meantime, check out these pics of Alabama-bred hottie Courtney Cox. Sure, she played an eye-gougingly huge pain in the ass on TV, but she’s still a smoking-hot MILF and a potential cougar rolled into one. Enjoy, you little bastards.

Tara Conner is hitting the publicity circuit, now that she’s out of rehab and soon to be replaced after the new 2007 Miss America is chosen this month. She recently sat down with Myrtle Beach native, Nancy O’Dell for an interview for Access Hollywood. Let’s listen in shall we?

“I feel one million times better,” she added.

Conner, who entered a Pennsylvania rehab facility on December 21, 2006, said she has just passed her 90 days of sobriety (94 days as of March 15, 2007) and said that she is sensing things that she never felt before.

“Yeah, I was completely numb. When I got my 90 day chip or coin I cried…I will cry when I am happy or I will get so excited…” Conner added that her next sobriety milestone she is aiming for is her “one year” and said that “is going to be great, God-willing, I will make it there.” (source)

I know this is probably inappropriate, but that sounds sad and dirty and it kinda turns me on. Everyone knows that chicks in rehab are easy… because they’re quitters. The reason I pointed out that Nancy O’Dell is from Myrtle Beach is to make a point about being a southern girl and making sure you keep your ass between the ditches. Nancy O’Dell rose through the ranks as a journalist on several respected southeastern news stations to become a poised, attractive television personality. Sure, she had her whore phase, (who doesn’t) but she had the decency to do that shit behind closed doors.

Tara Conner, on the other hand typifies the naiveté of the rebel choir girl gone bad who hits the big city only to find out that the world is a lot bigger and a lot more soul crushing than she could have imagined. Back home she was daddy’s little princess and the hot thang who landed the guy with the biggest lift kit on his 4X4 - to the envy of all the other country girls. But to big city(i.e the world outside), she was just another 20 year old with an appetite for destruction that was all too easily accommodated. My point? It’s better to burn out than fade away, bitches! I threw in one pic of Katie Rees just because I love you like that. Really.

UPDATE: Looks like I ruffled a few sexy tail feathers. Check out the comments.

It’s a slow week, so in lieu of juicy gossip I’ll do what any self respecting professional writer would do. Offer a discourse on the dichotomy of nature vs. nurture child rearing and how disparate and often confusing messages from male and female role models can actually retard emotional self awareness and growth in pre-teens and adolescents. Nah. I’m just kidding. Boobies! This is Ashley Massaro who is a (air quotes) professional wrestler (/air quotes) for WWE Raw. I’m from the south, but I haven’t seen as much ‘rasslin’ and racin’ as you might imagine, so I had never heard of Ashley. According to Wiki-that-ain’t-no-lie-Pedia, Ashley is quite the athlete.

Ashley Massaro, came to WWE in June 2005 as a contestant in the 2005 RAW Diva Search. After beating the seven other chosen finalists, Massaro was declared the winner on the August 15, 2005 edition of RAW. She won the $250,000 Diva Search contest which included the $250,000 and a one year contract with World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). Massaro made her first WWE appearance as an official WWE Diva on the August 21, 2005 pre-SummerSlam edition of Heat where she conducted interviews with the fans, The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young. Later that night, Massaro made her first appearance at a pay-per-view event when she joined the other bikini-clad divas in washing Vince McMahon’s presidential limo backstage.(source)

Wow. He mom must be so proud. I know I am. Now back to my thesis. A good writer writes. A good writer writes…

(Images)

This is Emily Proctor form CSI Miami at the People Choice Awards last night where she was a presenter. I didn’t watch the awards because people suck and who gives a shit about their choices? I like my awards decided by old wrinkly Jewish guys living in oxygen tents in their Hollywood Hills Mansions. But I digress.

The interesting thing about this dress is how much of her breasts we can see without actually seeing anything. My neck hurts from trying to see into the side of my monitor. It’s kind of a tease.  Like those girls down south who will give you a handjob at a church picnic because they can repent right then and there and they’ll  do anal but won’t have sex because they want to save it for marriage. Wait did I say tease?  I meant that’s awesome. Church girls rock.

That’s the salacious headline folks, but according to Page Six the photo spread of the hot Kentucky native may be anything but sexy and southern, y’all.

A job is waiting when Tara Conner gets out of rehab. Playboy wants to shoot the troubled Miss USA for its cover. Donald Trump and his execs at the Miss Universe Organization are mulling the offer. Conner, who hails from a small town in Kentucky, was nearly stripped of her title after it was alleged she was having sex with sleazy nightclubbing cads who were giving her cocaine. Said an insider, “If Trump allowed her to do it, it would have to be in good taste.” Which means she’ll keep her top on. (source)

Why is she even considering Playboy anyway? Playboy is like Maxim-plus or something. I’ve seen better nudity in the bible. She should show her wild southern spirit and pose for something raunchy like Cheri or Hustler where the photo shoots are done in mobile homes and there’s usually somebody’s oxygen tank toting grandmother smoking cigarettes in the background of the double dong lesbian anal dildo scenes. Here are some more Tara Conner pics in case you forgot what she looked like.

First and foremost. GOD DAMN.

Apparently Joe Simpson needs to work on his pimp-hand because one of his bitches daughters is gettin’ outta pocket. And when you fuck with his money, you’re fucking with his emotions. Why is it that southern preachers with hot daughters end up being smarmy greaseballs? Maybe by sexifying and pimping their own flesh and blood they can get a vicarious taste of the forbidden fruit that was once only relegated to hangdog peeks through the bathroom keyhole and awkward walk-ins that lingered a bit too long to be accidents? Fucking pervs.

A source tells TMZ that Joe got mad at daughter Jessica when she turned down a highly paid gig to host a New Year’s Eve party at Vegas’ Pure nightclub — saying she didn’t want to work on the holiday — and went to party with John Mayer in New York City instead.

The source claims that when Joe found out about Jessica’s “mellow” night out, he was livid — because she partied for free!

Meanwhile, the New York Daily News’ Ben Widdicombe reports today that Joe is “furious” that the Kennedy Center won’t reimburse him for about $15,000 in hair, makeup, and stylist fees after Jess’ ridiculed rendition of Dolly Parton’s “9-5″ didn’t air on CBS’s broadcast of the Kennedy Center Honors last week. (source)

A source made up by me said that the Kennedy Center responded, “No happy ending, no pay bitch” and had security throw Joe Simpson through a plate glass window on his ass. My sources rule. UPDATE: An eagle-eyed viewer wrote in and said I should crop Jessica’s hairstylist Ken Paves out of those pictures, but I’ve looked like a hundred times at those pictures and I can’t seem to see him.

Miss USA Tara Conner is sooooo sorry y’all. Look at those tears! I mean she just got a second chance to be our Ambassador of American-ossity and Apple Pie-ness, y’all. That’s really somethin’. Here are some of the details from her fake tear-filled press conference.

I wouldn’t say that I’m an alcoholic. I think that would be pushing the envelope,” said Conner, who was known in New York’s nightclub scene for drinking hard, snorting cocaine and hooking up with a long string of men.

The beauty queen said she celebrated her 21st birthday Monday with Diet Coke and iced tea - but Trump said he’ll force her to take regular drug tests.

“I don’t think she’s denying she’s an alcoholic,” said Trump, who owns the Miss USA pageant. “She can be a great example for troubled people - and she’s troubled - for troubled people … that have problems with alcohol.” (source)

Miss USA is very lucky to have been given the privilege to once again represent the USA and be the role model that little girls all over America need. Did she give up when she was caught feeling up a teen beauty queen or busted doing coke and sleeping around? Hells no! She did what her title and standing demanded for the situation. She gave Donald Trump a blow job. Because that’s how you solve problems when you’re Miss USA, god damn it. You put on some black nail polish, a smart suit with just enough cleavage and give Donald Trump a blow job. God bless America.

Rumors are afoot that sexy southern hotness Reese Witherspoon is leaving LA and moving to Charleston SC with her two children. Reese is adorably southern and Charleston is adorably quaint. And her accent? OMG. I feel like hugging a little wrinkly puppy while dancing in a field of poppies, y’all.

Thoroughly disgusted with both marriage and Hollywood, Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon believes firmly in her Southern roots. She has taken her children and moved to Charleston, S.C. Both kids are said to be in public school there. (source)

I’m glad to see Reese is getting back to her southern roots and coming back down to live with her people. Charleston is hip, yet refined, historic without being stodgy and didn’t get ruined in a hurricane last year. Win-win. It’s also dripping with co-eds who are more than eager to welcome you with acts of southern hospitality. Holla back COC & MUSC! Welcome home Reese. We’ll swing by with some mac & cheese and potato salad to get you all settled in.