Surprise! The manuscript for the OJ Simpson book, “If I Did It” (where he relates what he would have done if he had been the real murderer of his wife and her friend) has been leaked! On the internet! Not sure why, but I bet OJ is sitting in his house reading blogs and feeling like a marketing genius. The manuscript is written stream of consciousness like a 14 year old on meth was the voice. (That means he says fuck a lot, stops every now and then to evaluate what just happened and he focuses in on very, very minute details for no reason.) Then, as the story builds to the climax – the deed- he just shits the bed.

Then something went horribly wrong, and I know what happened, but I can’t tell you exactly how. I was still standing in Nicole’s courtyard, of course, but for a few moments I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there, when I’d arrived, or even why I was there. …..

Now I was standing in Nicole’s courtyard, in the dark, listening to the loud, rhythmic, accelerated beating of my own heart. I put my left hand to my heart and my shirt felt strangely wet. I looked down at myself. For several moments, I couldn’t get my mind around what I was seeing. The whole front of me was covered in blood, but it didn’t compute. Is this really blood? I wondered. And whose blood is it? Is it mine? Am I hurt? (source)

Um. Wow. Compelling stuff. He’s an ace at research, and quite the crack writer too. Or maybe he was just there and saw the whole thing WHEN HE KILLED HIS WIFE. Ultimately, the manuscript is sophomoric and bland and everything you would expect from a retired professional football player turned murderer. I’ve read gossip blogs that flow better. But I know you’ll read it anyway because you’re a sick bastard.

So why is Adriana Lima in the header and not OJ? Because I wanted to have my own version of If I Did It called If I did Adriana Lima. It would be a bitter tale of love and loss and finding out the one thing you need has been right in front of you all along. And the only thing to get murdered would be my stone cold heart by Adriana Lima. *sigh*