NSFW - Fatback Media

Looks like half the internet is down today kids. Or at least all the blogs I read anyway. We’ve even had a hiccup or two on our grid, but I rappelled into the server banks and silently dispatched the cyber-terrorist network with only 1 second left on the bomb. I was back in time to post and have a 3 dirty martini lunch, too. Read the lines. Click the links. Can’t stop the signal.

• White girl gangsta bitch, keepin’ it real. (BWE)
• K-Fed and Brit-Mom rally to save Brit-666. (Bumpshack)
• March Madness means more college girl boobies. (CH)
• Naomi Campbell mops floors. She better get the bathroom too. (Gossip or Truth)
• Brooke Hogan is a gangsta bitch. Better not get outta pocket, ho. (Jordan)
• Tom Brady still dating Giselle. Bridget Moynahan still knocked up. (Holly Scoop)

Just so you don’t get bored here’s a newly redheaded Lindsay Lohan fresh out of rehab and apparently ready to entertain you with an assortment of songs and magic.

Rawr, y’all. Emily here with today’s catfight! Super bitch, Naomi Campbell was arrested again for allegedly assaulting another woman, another incident in a series of charges.

The mercurial model is already facing an assault charge in New York for allegedly bashing her maid in the head with a jewel-encrusted cell phone.

The Sun newspaper reported the woman who filed the complaint was Campbell’s drug counselor and that the therapist said she was “scratched all over her face” by the hot-tempered model. (source)

It’s called survival, folks. When I was modeling, there were jealous bitches lurking about everywhere and when my Samoan bodyguard was picking up chicks with his killer Samurai tricks (swoon!) even I had to use my cell phone occasionally to slap a ho. I lost the number 7 key and signal faded in and out when I hit the clubs, but it was all for the glory of teaching a jealous bitch a lesson. And no one has fucked with me since. It might be my widely-known guerilla war tactics I learned during a racy Che Guevara photo shoot in Venezuela, but it’s mostly just the realization that no one will ever pull off a Dolce & Gabana sheer, jeweled jumpsuit the way I do after a long night of red wine and “happy” pills. Jealoussss?