NSFW – Fatback Media

Before getting into this, I wanted to share an inspirational quote from a book I read some years ago. It’s by one of the rats in Who Moved My Cheese:

“When you move beyond your fear, you feel free.”

Sultry singer Jessica Simpson, who recently broke up with singer John Mayer is waxing poetic about her trials, tribulations and the debilitating fear that comes with being a super rich, entitled country-come-to-town, “singer” who never wonts for anything and always gets her way. I was being ironic there. See? Not like Alanis ironic – which isn’t ironic at all – more at (and this is for the cheap seats), change the debilitating fear to total awesomeness. Here’s what she says on her website:

I just got back from spending some time in Europe, and while I was there I visited many museums, and have been reading about different artists. I have also been writing a lot in my journal recently. I was reading a book about Michelangelo and there were 2 quotes that caught my attention -

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

These quotes inspired me to write the below passage. I hope you can find your own individual meaning in it, as I keep coming back to it and find new strength.

“Sometimes we are all so afraid to be honest with ourselves because we know that honesty will lead us somewhere off the path of the life we’ve mapped out in our minds. Today, I challenge us to ask ourselves this…

What if we allow our fear to provoke us into action?

Can facing our fear be what walks us to somewhere better?

I do not have your answers, but in the quest to find my own, I’ve discovered somewhere worth traveling to…

In my life, I ignore my fears too often, but then I’m left with nothing to challenge the best of me. I just remain cowering from my true identity.

There is no discovery.” (source)

Indeed, bard. Indeed. That’s so inspiring. And original. And totally divined from Michaelangelo’s sculpture; certainly not from the 69 page paperback that you picked up at the airport with an Us Magazine and a box of Sour Patch Kids. I too, have become inspired by this passage and offer this:

“The delicate flower, when from bucolic meadow is unduly plucked, though she sails high seas in vessels gold or in adulation reigns with crown on troubled brow, shall ne’er be so quiescent as in her original sanctum…”

or more rightly,

“You can take the girl out of the trailer park…and if she has DD’s she might just make it. Or she could always work at Hooter’s.”

I think another of our great poet’s put it best:

“Welcome to the jungle baby, you gonna die.”

You. Gonna. Die. Indeed.

 

Singer Avril Lavigne is stirring up gossip over her image for the June cover of Blender magazine, where she is featured seemingly naked from the waist up. Oooh, sinner.

Truth be told, Lavigne revealed to us before taking the stage last night, the photo shoot was a little more innocent than you think. “Actually, I’m not topless on the cover,” she said. “I was wearing a tube top, and they just kind of put a banner on top of it.”

Even if she’s not topless, the 22-year-old is still flaunting her inner bad girl. “The Blender shoot was really fun because it was super rock and roll — we had a bottle of [whiskey] and ate cupcakes,” she said. “Everyone was super cool. It was definitely a different kind of photo shoot for me.” (source)

Cupcakes are so fucking rock‘n’roll. I bet if you slice open Mick Jagger, (besides dust) you’d find a tourniquet, a stripper and dozens of tiny cupcakes. Chocolate ones, with fuckin’ sprinkles. Becuase nothing says rock like tiny baked confections. Except, not. Avril is anything but rock‘n’roll. She’s a 22 year old whino from Canada who thinks she’s badass because she cusses and dates sk8er bois. If she were a real rock chick, she’d be naked in that photo giving Joe Perry a handjob while another girl tongues her Lizard King breast tattoo. But most importantly, she wouldn’t be talking about it because she wouldn’t have to. Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak. Whores. Here’s Avril at the Maxim Hot 100 Party.

Newly hot bodied, but still white trash-ed, Britney Spears performed at the House of Blues in San Diego last night at a “secret” performance under a fake name in a toungue-in cheek effort that was about as subtle as forcible sodomy. I think the cat was let out of the bag, as it were, when Jerry Penacoli reported last night on Extra a few hours before the show that Britney Spears would be performing at the House of Blues under the name the M&M’s. But then he said SHHHH, while putting his finger up to his lips. Which totally confused the audience. But those San Diegans are whip smart and they saw right through that ruse.

The attendance is said to have been around 650 screaming fans. And by screaming I mean they waited 3 hours got bored, then booed until Britney came out. The good news is that she lip sync’d the whole thing so no one in the front row got any Cheetoe spit or Menthol sweat dripped on them. She sang mouthed 5 songs then left the stage without a word. SHE’S BACK! If you care, the boring recaps (and by that I mean brilliant recap of a boring event) are here and here. Photos via.

Olivia Mojica, from way back in season 2 of American Idol, may just soothe my spirits after Haley Scarnato was kicked off last night. It turns out she made a sex tape last month. It also turns out that tape may be the raunchiest sex tape ever shot. Here’s a hint. Girlfriend is a freeeeak. The trailer can be seen at Hardcoreidol.com.

The video, which Mojica made with her boyfriend a month ago in her New York City apartment, is set to hit shelves on May 3, courtesy of Vivid Entertainment, the adult entertainment company behind Kim Kardashian’s X-rated romp. Vivid is currently hosting the uncut trailer at hardcoreidol.com.

We’re told the tape is “very explicit” and features 40 minutes of “smoking hot sex.” One source who says he has seen the tape put it this way — “It’s the nastiest tape I’ve ever seen.” (source)

God. Damn.

You know when a dude in the PORN INDUSTRY gets freaked out by a sex tape, the shit is going to be any combination of:

1. Fucking
2. Awesome

I’m hard to impress so I hope this thing lives up to the hype or my wildebeast tape may just have to see the light of day. Here are some screen caps from Hard Core Idol. I’ll post more as they come available.

Downer update: IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST… AGAIN….