Except not. You probably haven’t heard much about this story, because it may be the most flaccid “photo scandal” story ever. Here’s the boring run down. A guy tried to blackmail Miss New Jersey, Amy Polumbo for cash or he would release some racy photos of her which would lead to her losing her title as Miss New Jersey. Miss New Jersey decided to throw her reputation to the wind and fight back by releasing the photos herself. Prepare yourself this is raunchy.

Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo has sucked it up and released a bevy of photos that show her in some compromising positions, but the Miss New Jersey queen is refusing to back down and run away fro her tiara. The pictures were shown on the NBC Today show this morning and after a few heavy swallows, she stuck to her guns. (source)

First of all. It’s a beauty contest, not a test of purity and righteousness. Girls who enter beauty contest are supposed to be slutty. I think it’s a rule. Yeah, you can tell us all about world peace princess, but make sure you give us a good shot of your ass in the bikini while you’re doing it. I’m not saying that it’s cool to objectify women, I’m just saying that a beauty contest is not the best place for a girl to be taken seriously on her plan for economic stability in Eastern Europe and the Balkans.

Second. The pictures aren’t racy or scandalous at all. I’ve seen sexier pictures in the Bible. What the hell? “Here’s me and some other girls. SEXY. Here’s me spanking a dude. I’m a whore! Here’s me fully clothed with my legs spread. You know what that means, right? Right? Does it mean something? Here’s a dude biting my boob. PS he’s my brother. I’m going to hell.”

Whatever. There’s plenty more of this hot G-Rated photo action so grab your Bible and dig in, you scoundrel.