NSFW – Fatback Media

Call your mother. So she can slap your ass and spray-paint your panties ‘cause I’M BACK, BITCHES! Your favorite potty-mouthed sweetcake has resurfaced for some sexy, southern action and I figure there’s no better comeback than a nip-slip! Former “OC”? star Mischa Barton was caught by cameras last night in London at The Berkeley Hotel. Thank you, sweet cameraman…err, cameraperson, or whore. Whatever. We’re not sexist here at FB&C. Oh fuck it, yes we are.

I’ve traveled abroad, and it’s something about the jet lag and cheap first-class champagne that makes you want to show your tits on the street corner. Or maybe that’s just me? Cheerio! NSFW after the jump you dirty birds.

National Enquirer is about as reliable as a condom with rug burns. That said, they have a rumor that young actress Mischa Barton is depressed. Since leaving “The O.C.”, she feels as though her life is growing out of control.

Troubled beauty Mischa Barton has been so depressed she’s threatened suicide, even saying she’d kill her beloved dog, according to gossip blogger Janet Charlton.

However, Mischa’s publicist Dominique Appel denies that Mischa was suicidal or had threatened her dog. Appel told The ENQUIRER that “the bandaged wrist was the result of her accidental encounter with a broken glass.”

But a source told The ENQUIRER: “She’s in a bad place right now.” (source)

Aww. Depwessed? Bad Pwace? Bad place my ass. Jesus girl, the dog too? You’re pretty well fucked up, but what does that have to do with your dog?  I guess money, success and beauty can’t buy happiness. Whatever. You’re rich, pretty and really, really famous. I have some therapy for you. Suck. It. Up. Please shut the fuck up and stay away from your dog.

It’s always the skinny, white rich bitches who cry the loudest. You know that fat chick with the pizza face who works at the food court when you go on $20K shopping sprees? Yeah, well she would carve out and eat her own liver to live one day in your entitled, undeserving strappy sandals. You don’t need counseling, you need a god damn black eye. Let me see you out whining about anything. I will physically tackle you, girl. I promise. Brat.

Here is a “naked” photo of Mischa Barton in a new movie titled The Oh in Ohio, a film about a woman who has never experienced orgasm (bless her heart!). It’s a glorified nip-slip, except without the nips. I’m a good critic of the female anatomy, (since I’m intimately familiar with my own) and I’m quite sure two little somethings are missing from these photos. Take a closer look just to be sure. Stare, if you have to. Maybe we should have this be our first Photoshop contest. Photoshop the nips into this slip. You’ll win a prize. Or masturbate. Either way that’s a winner!
Screening website Kids-in-Mind reviews and rates the movie as strong sex & nudity and even describes some of the risque scenes. I’ll be front row, bitches! I would have posted more of these but my head hurts so much from trying to see her nipples that I need to lie down.

Super hungry today. let’s see what everybody else is cooking.

Victoria Beckham had the last of her cybernetic implants placed yesterday. 2% human! (IDLYITW)

Mischa Barton wears clothes instead of a ragged scarf for a change. At least she’s up to the ’80s in fashion era now. (Yeeeah)

Jenna Jameson is still hot matter what you guys say. She’s a director! (Bastardly)

Anna Nicole Smith did what any new mother from the south would do. Marry the first guy to come along. They should go ahead and stock up on the Zoloft for their daughter when she hits puberty. Ouch. Did I go too far? (Glitterati)

Lindsay Lohan. Mother Trucker. (Smart)

Jessica Alba has a bad hair day. It’s bed head. If you see her tell her I need my iPod back. Fucking thief. (Gossip or Truth)