NSFW - Fatback Media

Call your mother. So she can slap your ass and spray-paint your panties ‘cause I’M BACK, BITCHES! Your favorite potty-mouthed sweetcake has resurfaced for some sexy, southern action and I figure there’s no better comeback than a nip-slip! Former “OC”? star Mischa Barton was caught by cameras last night in London at The Berkeley Hotel. Thank you, sweet cameraman…err, cameraperson, or whore. Whatever. We’re not sexist here at FB&C. Oh fuck it, yes we are.

I’ve traveled abroad, and it’s something about the jet lag and cheap first-class champagne that makes you want to show your tits on the street corner. Or maybe that’s just me? Cheerio! NSFW after the jump you dirty birds.

National Enquirer is about as reliable as a condom with rug burns. That said, they have a rumor that young actress Mischa Barton is depressed. Since leaving “The O.C.”, she feels as though her life is growing out of control.

Troubled beauty Mischa Barton has been so depressed she’s threatened suicide, even saying she’d kill her beloved dog, according to gossip blogger Janet Charlton.

However, Mischa’s publicist Dominique Appel denies that Mischa was suicidal or had threatened her dog. Appel told The ENQUIRER that “the bandaged wrist was the result of her accidental encounter with a broken glass.”

But a source told The ENQUIRER: “She’s in a bad place right now.” (source)

Aww. Depwessed? Bad Pwace? Bad place my ass. Jesus girl, the dog too? You’re pretty well fucked up, but what does that have to do with your dog?  I guess money, success and beauty can’t buy happiness. Whatever. You’re rich, pretty and really, really famous. I have some therapy for you. Suck. It. Up. Please shut the fuck up and stay away from your dog.

It’s always the skinny, white rich bitches who cry the loudest. You know that fat chick with the pizza face who works at the food court when you go on $20K shopping sprees? Yeah, well she would carve out and eat her own liver to live one day in your entitled, undeserving strappy sandals. You don’t need counseling, you need a god damn black eye. Let me see you out whining about anything. I will physically tackle you, girl. I promise. Brat.

Here is a “naked” photo of Mischa Barton in a new movie titled The Oh in Ohio, a film about a woman who has never experienced orgasm (bless her heart!). It’s a glorified nip-slip, except without the nips. I’m a good critic of the female anatomy, (since I’m intimately familiar with my own) and I’m quite sure two little somethings are missing from these photos. Take a closer look just to be sure. Stare, if you have to. Maybe we should have this be our first Photoshop contest. Photoshop the nips into this slip. You’ll win a prize. Or masturbate. Either way that’s a winner!
Screening website Kids-in-Mind reviews and rates the movie as strong sex & nudity and even describes some of the risque scenes. I’ll be front row, bitches! I would have posted more of these but my head hurts so much from trying to see her nipples that I need to lie down.

Super hungry today. let’s see what everybody else is cooking.

Victoria Beckham had the last of her cybernetic implants placed yesterday. 2% human! (IDLYITW)

Mischa Barton wears clothes instead of a ragged scarf for a change. At least she’s up to the ’80s in fashion era now. (Yeeeah)

Jenna Jameson is still hot matter what you guys say. She’s a director! (Bastardly)

Anna Nicole Smith did what any new mother from the south would do. Marry the first guy to come along. They should go ahead and stock up on the Zoloft for their daughter when she hits puberty. Ouch. Did I go too far? (Glitterati)

Lindsay Lohan. Mother Trucker. (Smart)

Jessica Alba has a bad hair day. It’s bed head. If you see her tell her I need my iPod back. Fucking thief. (Gossip or Truth)

So, I got some flack from a friend of mine the other day about these “better than…” link posts. Something along the lines of losing your journalistic integrity and selling out like a cheap whore. It really hit home. I told her that I don’t get paid to link to other sites and I only link to sites that I like and articles that I actually read. Plus I am a cheap whore who is trying to buy love through traffic from other sites because my mommy never held me and my daddy was an abusive alcoholic. Satisfied, god damn it? It makes me needy. Needy for safe internet love. Have you seen my MySpace? I’m practically the king.

Mischa Barton disappears from promo posters for The O.C. Coincidence? Or do they just fucking hate her like everyone else? (I’m not obsessed)

Sophia Bush Mega Post from the Teen Choice Awards. Sophia has been under my radar till now since I refuse to watch WB shows because the network sucks. She is so pretty that it’s an abomination. She makes angels weep with envy. (Guilty Obsession)

Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong shave each other’s chests and frolic. Hot man love ensues! Or jogging. Whatever. (Gossip or Truth)

Whorish actresses and models in photo shoots trying to look natural but ending up looking whorishly stupid. Except for Elisha Cuthbert. (NSFW) (Drunken Stepfather)

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo hit the pool while visions of a girl that doesn’t have noassitol dance in his head.(The Bastardly)

Jesus H. Macy would like to kick Lindsay Lohan’s ass. The bring her bruised shit home for a three way with Felicity. (Yeeeah!)

Invincible is an inspiring story about love, life and giving it all you got- if you’re a Disney exec. Otherwise it’s just eh. (Pajiba)

Summer is flyin’ by, don’t miss anything while you’re changing into your speedos.

-JJ Abrams just signed eleventy bazillion dollar deals with Paramount Pictures and Warner Bros. TV. The only thing that better come out of his office better have Sydney Bristow or Captain James T. Fucking Kirk. (ICYDK)

-The Bastardly lady of the day is Andrea. She’s Czech. 100% woman with curves that could start a war. She’s way to much for you to handle so she’s mine. I’ll probably die. (The Bastardly)

-Christina Aguilera didn’t wear a bra and went out in public. I applaud her for her individuality, self-determination, moxy and large perky boobies. (Yeeeah)

-The cast of The Office just reported back to work in order to make your fall season less suicidal. GMMR has the inside scoop and some pics of the cast that don’t involve bikinis. That’s for you ladies! (GMMR)

-Mischa Barton and her strikingly wierd nipple-slip. (the nipple not the slip) (Bricks and Stones)

-The Miss Universe contestants are trying to make the best of the current world situation. Miss Israel and Miss Lebanon are great friends and so are Miss Turkey and Miss Greece. Unfortunately, Miss Australia called Miss New Zealand a “bloody kiwi whore” and they got into a fist fight and were disqualified. Not really. Peace rulez! (TMZ.com)

-Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married and Kid Rock is getting hepatitis. (Tabloid Whore)

(ed. note: You G’ville SC mullafuckas better get ready ’cause I’ll be there Wed. night)

I’m recovering from a much needed weekend of of debauchery so check out these top stories while I work out my alibi.

Brandon Davis is a fat, spoiled bastard and I would like to kick him in the scrotum. Oh, and he checked into rehab this week. For being a fat spoiled dumbass. (TMZ)

Katherine Heigl is engaged to Josh Kelly, a big goofy musician. And the curse continues… (GMMR)

Adam Brody of “The OC” is high which is my perfect chance to steal his cute little girlfriend Rachel Bilson. (I’m not obsessed)

Speaking of The OC and washed up has beens, Mischa Barton was at the Triggerstreet.com launch party looking pretty effing hot for a change. (Bricks and Stones)

Britney Spears, pregnant and in a bikini. CLICK THIS LINK AT YOUR OWN PERIL. If you’ll excuse me I have to gouge my eyes out with hot pokers now. (ICYDK) (ps. I love the new site Jocelyn!)

Joss Stone in a bikini. For the man who loves a woman to feel like a man. (Subvert Society)

At last, but certainly not least, The Bastardly Girls of the World Cup, Volume II. Meu Deus! (The Bastardly)

Rebecca Romijn is feeling the pull of motherhood. Mmmm. Mommy Hot. (Glitterati)

I wasn’t the only one in NYC at the Upfronts doing coke off of a primetime starlet’s ass. My homie KS was there in full force with all the sightings, interviews and premium blo. (GMMR)

The top news story that I don’t care about today is: Micscha Barton’s character Marissa Cooper was killed off the OC last night. When that show has an episode entitled, “Julie Cooper, and Kirstin Cohen have hot naked lesbian sex using common household implements” I will start watching that show again. (The Bastardly)

Denise Richards is crazy. But she is still a MILF. So I guess she’s a CrMILF. (Bricks and Stones)

Gwyneth Paltrow is still a weirdo. (Starpower.tv)

Janice Dickenson, the original coke whore super model had something to say about Britney or something. Who fucking cares. Just go here and see some boobies. (Subvert Society)

Brett Ratner, insufferable bastard and non-pirate, is obsessed with Lindsay Lohan. (Yeeeah)

Mischa Barton is quickly becoming my new favorite OC star. Although, Kelly Rowan is one HotMama. Mmmm, cougar. Mischa recently lashed out at Paris Hilton about the supposed rivalry between the two. According to MIscha, the rivalry was nothing more than a one-sided fixation on Paris’s part.

‘The O.C.’ star says she’s tired of the hotel heiress criticising other successful girls, but insists she isn’t trying to compete with the blonde.

She stormed: “Paris isn’t my rival. I met her one or two times and she’s making out there’s this big rivalry between us and there so isn’t.”
She added: “She seems to hate everyone around her age who is more successful. Silly bitch.”

Mischa Barton is on the fast-track to becoming top ten in my personal heroes book. It’s not really a book, though. It’s more of a cocktail napkin that I found in my pocket with smeared lipstick on it. Did I mention that I woke up in the trunk of a 1971 Yellow Gran Torino wearning a prom dress and thigh highs? Well, I shouldn’t have. Here’s more of Mischa wearing clothing that let’s us see her breasts. My hero.

Images courtesy Egotastic.com and Subvertsociety.com

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