NSFW – Fatback Media

Shazam. This is the best season of American Idol. EVER. Katharine McPhee’s yellow dress malfunction pales in comparison to Antonella Barba, and now Alaina Alexander nudes. Of course these are not fully nude or else Alaina’s MySpace profile would be taken down. You know what posting semi-nudes on MySpace gets you?

Hope.

I thought all the hope had left this world after The Departed and 300. But half naked pictures of wannabe singers on MySpace means there are some whole-naked pictures on somebody’s hard drive somewhere, just waiting to be released into the wilds of the internet. And naked pictures, my friends are like secrets and STD’s, they’re bound to come out sometime (usually after putting something where it shouldn’t have been). That doesn’t make sense at all. But what does make sense is how hot Alaina Alexander is. I asked her to be my MySpace friend and I invited her to a Gmail account. I have a good feeling about this one. If Axl Rose has taught me anything, it’s that the LA music scene is a veritable “jungle” and you have to do drugs and porn or “you gonna die”. You. Gonna. Die.

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a pretty good judge of character because of all my work in the peace corps and local churches feeding the downtrodden. And because of my amazing dance moves that keep the ladies groovin’ the funky beat. That’s why I can see that Megan Fox is a bitch. And she hates your girlfriend. Why else would she continue to remain this hot, knowing that it’s only going to piss people off? I’ll tell you why.

Because there is no hope left in the world.

Just like when you thought Leo DiCaprio was going to take Matt Damon to jail and be vindicated at the end of The Departed. That was hope. Then Martin Scorsese took that hope away by blowing Leo’s brains all over an elevator and leaving several plot lines hanging with no closure. Martin Scorsese is a dreamcrushing hopekiller. And the Departed sucked. How did I start talking about this? Oh yeah. Megan Fox is hotter than your girlfriend. And Brian Austin Green is a dick. Here are some screen caps from the new Transformer movie. Or as I like to call it The Megan Fox Movie with some other stuff and that guy whose name sounds like steak.

With all this talk of death and wasted youth and drugs, it really got me reminiscing about the good ole days. Back when it was cool to have a nice natural rack and healthy curves. And people didn’t get famous by just being rotten rich whores. They earned that shit on the casting couch like real American heroes. Click the links and then check out Tia Carrere and her Hawaiian Punch. Tia Carrere still has it going on because A) she’s old school and natural and B) she’s not dead. Kudos!

• Anna Nicole Tribute: In a bastardly way (Bastardly)
• Halle Berry is pregnant?NOT MINE! (Yeeeah)
• Lindsay Lohan buys Marilyn Momroe’s house. History repeating? (Allie ia Wired)
• Kim Kardashian sex tape clips. I really hate what her people did to the Bajorans. (DS)
• Rosie Blogs about Anna. I couldn’t be more bored with this. (INO)
• Katharine Heigl is hot. And says some words on Martha. (Smart)
• Smokin Aces Reviewed. (Ocean’s 11 + Reservoir Dogs ) – coherent paceing = Mildy Awesome. (Pajiba)
• Megan Fox in FHM. She’s a BMF. (FHM)
• Newest Kim Kardashian Video Snippet with Kardashian Vagina (DS)

Super hot Megan Fox is starring in Michael Bay’s live action Transformers which opens July 4th 2007. From the looks of the trailer, the movie will probably be awesome. 119% of that awesomeness will come from the fact that the movie stars Megan Fox and giant robots that blow shit up. And for you mathletes out there, Shia Lebeouf is worth -19% because he managed to take a manly last name and somehow sissify it. Plus he was so cute in Holes I just can’t see him without thinking about sloosh. Cute!
Megan Fox seems like one of those girls you would fall in love with but she would end up taking your heart. Like, literally taking your still beating heart from your chest cavity. She’s evil hot and she scares the shit out of me. But hey it’s better to have loved and lost [your still beating heart to a woman who carved it out with a jeweled Turkish dagger] than to have not loved at all right?

Heres’ the Transformer’s Trailer complete with Michael Bay™ steady cam rotation shots and multiple-simultaneous views of the same explosion. Mind=blown.

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