NSFW - Fatback Media

Well, this is as close as you’ll ever get to seeing Megan Fox nude. These are from the upcoming Horror flick Jennifer’s Body starring Megan and Amanda Seyfried. GOD DAMN NIPPLE TAPE!

Jennifer’s Body (2009) A newly possessed cheerleader turns into a killer who specializes in offing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror? (IMDB)

Horror movies have flat out sucked the last ten years mostly because of video games and Japanese remakes. I sincerely hope that this movie is a Rated R slasher flick with lots of blood and even more T&A.

The rumor mill today was grinding out break-up news with plenty of detail about Megan Fox and fiance David Silver Brian Austin Green. Some eavesdroppers eating lunch at the Daily Grill in close proximity to Brian Austin Green reported quite a story. Supposedly Brian (Brian Austin? What are you supposed to address this guy as?) was freaking out on the phone with a friend for over an hour about how controlling Megan is. The source reports:

“The entire relationship was based on her terms, beginning with a ‘white board,’ upon which the pair would document the amount of time allotted to their relationship, family, and work. Green strove to maintain a fifty percent balance between time spent each other, and time spent apart. Fox, however, would sneak behind his back and erase planned dates with Green in order to have more time away from him. In fact, she would regularly cancel plans at the last moment, often by text.”

Okay, assuming this total hearsay is true, the white board idea is seriously retarded on Megan’s part. Plus, cancelling dates with her fiance via text is totally inconsiderate. But let’s be real here: Brian Austin Green hasn’t been famous since maybe 1995; Megan Fox is smokin’ hot and currently stars in blockbuster movies. He needs to stop complaining, let her erase those dates, and have people continue to ponder what she sees in him.

Megan Fox says she can’t get enough sex and that more women need to be open about what they want in the bedroom. Here, here.

She said: “I really enjoy having sex, and that’s offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which I think is sad. I haven’t met a lot of men who have said, ‘You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are.’ “

Megan, 21, has also confessed it doesn’t take much to get her in the mood for sex, because her raging hormones leave her in a permanent state of arousal.

She added: “I’m young and have a lot of hormones - I’m always in the mood! But I like sex with one person when I’m in a relationship. Sex with random people who I’ve met at clubs is not really my thing.” (source)

Holyfuckingshit. Megan Fox is the one of the hottest girls on the planet and she has raging hormones and can’t get enough sex. I think my penis just died a little. When people have sexual fantasies about smoking hot people, the people they bang in those fantasies dream about having sex with Megan Fox. I’m pretty sure God made her so Jesus could masturbate. Also, Brian Austin Green is the Antichrist.

Megan Fox continues to amaze me with her generosity and kindness - and also with her nipple that keeps poking out of her shirt. Most people have trouble in these situations. They see a hot chick with a button unbuttoned or a nipple hanging out and they get all awkward and try not to look at it to be polite. Well, girls don’t dress this way unless they want your full attention on the goods.That’s a true fact from a southern gentleman, folks. So instead of staring at the ceiling or my shoelaces when I see a a hot girl with too much rack hanging out I walk right up to her, look her right in the eyes, and introduce myself. Then I motorboat the shit out of her boobies. Problem solved. Chivalry lives!

More creamy goodness for the brethren and sistren.

• Kid PWNED by railing. Hilarious! (Crave)
• New punisher Movie may kick ass for real (Gutter Bleed)
• Jessica Alba flips the bird. Fatty. (Speed Monkey)
• Fetish Model Bianca Beauchamp (Crave)
• This week’s edition of ‘Whose Boobs?’ (LG)
• Tokyo Drift in a Jeep becomes Redneck Rollover. (Crave)
• Katie Holmes says that Tom Cruise is “straight…as something that is straight…or something. HELP!” (Yeeeah)
• Tony Parker eez aveen an afffaai *cough* RRRrrrr. (Deceiver)
• God Damn Kelly Clarkson (Allie)
• Ike Turner is dead. But Tina still has to the EAT THE CAKE. (DS)
• Nell McAndrew in a bikini, just ’cause. (Bastardly)
• Ever player in MLB is on steroids. RRRRAAAH! (Bumpshack)
• Tara Reid is busted up and torn like an old dollar bill. (Jordan)

Megan Fox is all wet and she’s holding hands with Gillian Anderson. Right now, all over the planet, dudes are ruining their Comic Con T-Shirts. However, this is just a scene from the movie How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, which is currently in production. The movie stars Simon Pegg (from the amazing Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz), so by all rights this will be an hilarious movie. That said, it can’t hurt your odds to have Megan Fox and Gillian Anderson hold hands. What can hurt are your thoughtless words. Sometimes these foolish game can cut like a knife, you know? Hold me.

Megan Fox, smoking hot southern actress, wants to make it clear that she is not Lindsay Lohan. The two young starlets starred together in the Epic Smash Hit Herbie:Fully Loaded. Megan says that although they worked together they neither hung out or were friends.

Megan, 21, said: “Oh my God! People think we’re alike?! Ugh! Oh my gosh! Lindsay and I were never friends when we starred together. I mean, we were two 16-year-old girls, it’s rare for them to get along, and we didn’t.” (source)

Some of you may not have seen the movie Herbie: Fully Loaded because I think it went to video like it had Mario Van Peebles in it.I don’t even think they play it on Nickleodeon. Partly because Lindsay is quickly becoming persona non grata with the Hollywood set and partly because it sucked - even for little kids. And kids are known to be really stupid. True story. Ask a random kid in the park why the Balkans fell apart after the Industrial Revolution. Guaranteed - you get tears. Idiots. Here’s Megan Fox, all grow’d up for the pervs.

Megan Fox is hot on an astronomical level. Like Mega Joule hot. Like, you’d need the Stefan-Boltzmann constant to do the math. So how did her Transformers co-star Shia LaBeouf reply when he was asked if he was attracted to the engaged startlet when they worked together on set? God damn right.

“Dude, I’m into her, what do you want?” LaBeouf straightforwardly says. “It’s no conjuring. I’m into Megan. What do you want me to say?” he tells the Los Angeles Daily News.

“That’s just the way it was when we were filming. Immense attraction, on my part, for real.”

But she’s engaged to Brian Austin Green (”Beverly Hills, 90210″). So this couldn’t have been easy work for her, right?

“No, I didn’t have to work,” Fox says, laughing about a natural attraction to her co-star. “It was there.” Perhaps her fiance is the understanding type. (source)

So Megan Fox is beautiful, likes dirty sex, tattoos and she has the all loyalty of a cat in heat? You’ll forgive my departure, I trust, my penis just exploded.

Nerdy scientific note: When I refer to Megan being MJ hot, I am not referring to mechanical heat, but sexy hotness; although the analogy still stands either way. Work with me people. Put the Ti-89 away and click the pictures.

Megan Fox, who sports several sassy tattoos, is currently having one removed because the ‘artist’ who gave it to her was high at the time. She stated that she’ll be more careful next time she picks an artist. The tattoo was apparently supposed to be tribal but ended up a smudged mess.

The Transformers star says, “The guy was smoking weed while he tattooed me and he didn’t do it correctly. Now it’s nothing and I’m gonna get it removed. I was told he was a really amazing tattoo artist but he wasn’t on his game that night. He was distracted.” (source)

First. It’s absolutely ridiculous how hot Megan Fox is. She probably just looks at herself in the mirror for hours everyday saying, God DAMN. I’m REALLY pretty. I think she may be a scientific experiment by the devil.

Second. Of course the guy was nervous. He was tattooing Megan Fox. Most men would have just passed out because their penis exploded. I, on the other hand would make her oatmeal raisin cookies (her fave!), then we would play with my Spyro Gyro kit (hours of drawing fun!), then we would watch RENT (and cry!), and then we would have a pillow fight and fall asleep together on my couch. Where I would carve my name on her ass with my Mortimer Ichabod Marker pen - because whores like her need to be marked. More Megan!

This is the ridiculously hot Megan Fox at a recent Transformers press conference. Her Egyptian potato sack (?) dress is revealing one of her several tattoos. I’m not one to judge, but it’s well known tattoos are for whores. They don’t call it a ho’ stamp for nothing. True story. Here’s what she said in FHM about her ink.

Fox has said of her tattoos: “I have five. Anytime I have a feeling about anything, I get tattooed. I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie.”

That one one her back there is a version of a quote from King Lear (for you literary muthafuckas), but its kinda creepy because that’s what King Lear said to his daughter in the touching scene where they are led off to prison. So is this ironic? Or literal? Is she the tragic gilded butterfly for whom a fatherly figure (Daddy? David Austin Greene? Hollywood?) must suffer as he sees her caged, never to fly, and ultimately fall too soon for her years? Or was this scrawled in eyeliner pencil on the bathroom stall just above the toilet seat when she chopped up that last coke rail?

‘How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child.’

I never watch awards shows because they are so so contrived, coddling and asinine. Apparently, this year was no different, except they made special effort to suck out the feeling. I was so bored reading highlights of the show that I almost committed seppuku with my 8″ Rachel Ray santoku chef’s knife. So sharp.

Normally, movie stars either don’t show up and we see a prerecorded acceptance speech from “the set of their new movie” which oddly looks like the bar at Chili’s, or they show up in shorts and flip flops drunk. This year, however, somehow MTV duped the actors into thinking that this was a real awards show and that an astronaut trophy would look great next to their People’s Choice award. (Oscars are for uppity assholes right?) Anyway, the bottom line was a big ole bucket of boring, sexless drivel. Much like Paris Hilton in prison. Zing!

So here’s Megan Fox, who in spite of the ridiculous dress, manages to class up the place with a whole lotta sex appeal. I just hope that that tattoo is for her boyfriend and not her daddy. Because it’s creepin’ me out Cordelia. (bonus if you got the reference!)