NSFW - Fatback Media

At least that’s what I take from the quote you are about to read. Apparently Ms. Johansson thinks that monagamy is not a natural human instinct. Sometimes the news just writes itself folks (the rest of the time I just make it up.)

"I don’t think human beings are
monogamous by nature. It’s difficult - you have to put a lot of effort
into a relationship. I think it’s hard for actors to date each other
because they are so damn moody.

You are away from people constantly and having a relationship that
is strictly by phone, it is miserable. Or if you say to him/her, ‘Hey,
(even though) I am doing a very sexy scene with this very sexy
girl/boy, I love you and I’m going to be thinking of you when I am
rolling around in bed with this person!’"

It took me 8 hours of staring at that quote to write this post. It’s ironic because most of my screenplays involve Scarlett Johannson in a sexy scene with a girl rolling around in bed, except she keeps calling out my name and not Josh Hartnett.

Besides the obvious, which is, "guess what Josh Hartnett, I am fucking around on you with any number of actors and/or actresses", this only confirms my theory that all actors sleep with each other on set. I actually think it’s mandated in the SAG bylaws. SAG rulez.

A Super-sexy reader and now full-time spy for FB&CG sent in this exclusive story about singer Jon Secada.  MB, so pseudonym’d because of her penchant for fine, strappy footwear, related this little tale about her night with Latin singer Jon Secada a few weeks ago.

"So ya, Jon [Secada] smooched me in the VIP room of his after party
after performing w/ Ricky Martin (who was surprisingly good) and the new kid
who sings "More Than Words". Frankie J? Whatever
- lame, who cares? We took some photos
and drank WAY to much before he asked if we wanted to "take the party back
to his hotel room" when the party was winding down. HELLS YA! Me, my [girl] friend JC [who is affiliated with Jon's show] and [another person] go back
to [Jon's] room where he proceeds to FEED me
alcohol and [was] holding my drink for me so I can’t see how much I’m drinking. He kept filling a water bottle for me. Nice. So he was trying to get me and JC to
make out for a while until he just took it upon himself to do the job. My
favorite part of the night might have been when he was telling us that the very
first love song he wrote for someone (which he still sings and JC knows well)
was actually written for someone named [MB]. Now personally, I think that’s the biggest bunch of bull anyone’s ever
tried to pull, but I gotta tell ya… didn’t care - worked like a charm. Next thing I knew, I was flat on my back, legs in the air, screaming my
head off. NO! I was a very good girl. Actually, I was kind of an asshole. We were making out for a while when I started
asking about his kids.  Truth be told, JC is actually a really good [girl] friend of mine and I’ll probably see their next
show in town. I didn’t need to be that girl,
I already had a great time that night so I opted out of the bang of my life. So the next day JC tells me [Jon's] the
biggest thing since anaconda and I shoulda ridden him like a chopper. Now she tells me!"

My first love song was written for you. Nice. I’m not much into male Latin singers so I have to admit I had never even heard of Jon Secada before this. So, at first I wasn’t impressed, but considering that he is on the Today show today, I thought I would lay it out for you. Feliz Navidad!

Michelle Rodriguez reportedly had a melt-down at her last arrest for DUI in Hawaii earlier this month. According to a police report released by Hawaiian TV station KITV, Rodriguez was “argumentative and rude” to the arresting officer and let loose on him when he arrested her for driving with a 0.145 blood alcohol level, twice the legal limit.

“I don’t fucking belong here! Why don’t you just put a gun to my head
and shoot me! You’ve already taken my freedom! You might as well take
my life too,”

“just take my car and I’ll walk all the way to the North Shore, but don’t leave me in the back of this car, poppie.”

Dios mio, man. That chica is muy loca!…pero muy calliente! Michelle Rodriguez is one of those girls who is hot but in a don’t turn your back on her kind of way. She looks good in dress but she could also probably kick your ass. The irony, which is not LOST (hahaha, I kill me) on anyone is that her character on the show is a hard boozing former cop. (Damn you, Stanislavski!) To her credit, she’s not the only LOST actor to be terrorizing the Hawaiian highways. Cynthia Watros (Dirty Libby) was also arrested for DUI the same night as Michelle.According to E-Online, the entire cast seems to be hell bent on making Oahu roadways more dangerous.

Besides Rodriguez and Watros, five other members of the cast have been pulled over by police and issued citations–four of them for speeding, according to the Honolulu Star Bulletin.

• Josh Holloway (Sawyer) was pulled over Sept. 21 and ticketed for allegedly going 53 mph in a 35 mph zone.
• Dominic Monaghan (Charlie) was pulled over on March 10 and cited for allegedly going 78 mph in a 55 mph zone and driving without a license. He was also stopped Aug. 12, 2004, for allegedly going 68 mph in a 45 mph zone.
• Naveen Andrews (Sayid) was pulled over March 9 and cited for allegedly going 70 mph in a 35 mph zone on March 9, and again on Oct. 15. for going 42 mph in a 25 mph zone.
• Ian Somerhalder (Boone) was pulled over March 2 for allegedly going 74 mph in a 45 mph zone.
• Harold Perrineau Jr. (Michael) was pulled over and ticketed Oct. 9 for having no motor vehicle insurance and no safety check. (The actor has since provided the court with proof of his insurance and the matter has been dismissed.)

Hollywood actors. It’s all red Ferrari’s, Hawaiian shirts and Mai Tai’s at the King Kamehameha Club until somebody gets hurt.

Angelina Jolie’s father, actor John Voight has recently said that he thinks his daughter should bear children with new fiancee Brad Pitt.

Voight  said  that he had high hopes that the  42-year  old  Pitt would make Jolie a biological mother for the first time.

"I’m not sure why she hasn’t had her own children. Maybe she hasn’t
found the right father. I like the look of Brad though, I’ve got a good
feeling about him," the Mirror quoted him, as saying.

It’s nice of John Voight to finally play daddy to his estranged daughter a couple of years after calling her mentally unstable on Extra. It’s also so nice that he approves of Brad Pitt, but I ‘m not too sure how to take that quote. I used to date a girl whose dad had a "good feeling" about me, but after a backrub and an uncomfortable jacuzzi experience he found out he was wrong. So very, very wrong.

Aussies Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are reportedly planning to get married on the island nation of Fiji.

Nicole Kidman is reported to be tying the knot with country singer
Keith Urban, [left], at Fiji’s Wakaya Island Resort on New Year’s Eve –
a place where she had romantic vacations with former husband, Tom
Cruise. Nicole is also rumoured to be pregnant with Keith’s child.

I had never even really heard of Keith Urban until he started dating Nicole, and my first impression of him was sheer fright. He’s a very scary looking man. He’s like that girl you walk up to at a bar and you offer to buy her a drink but then she turns around and it’s Willie Nelson. Then you have that split second of shame and confusion, and then you still buy him a drink anyway. But you’re not gay or anything. Guys can shower together. I mean, right? Whatever. Fiji seems like cool place to get married, though. I checked to see where it was using Google maps and it turns out that Fiji is farthest distance away from any location no matter where on the earth you leave from.

Justin Timberlake is taking voice lessons to increase the manlyness of his voice.

Singer Justin Timberlake was reportedly so disappointed when he lost
out on two Hollywood films because of his childish and squeaky voice,
that it has spurred him to take vocal lessons to make it sound more
masculine.

"He needs a deep, dreamy voice like George Clooney if he is to be a
big-screen sex symbol. So he has been doing voice exercises day and
night in a bid to develop a deep voice," The Sun quoted the friend, as
saying.

According to the friend it was the experience of being told that his
voice resembled that of a 12-year old kid instead of an action hero
that made the singer enlist the services of a specialist in America to
help deepen his pitch.

"He was dejected after the casting bosses rejected him. And they
eventually confessed they rejected him because he sounded more like a
12-year-old boy than an action hero," the friend said.

Don’t it make ya sad about it? I hate to tell you JT, but voice lessons aren’t gonna do it. Like Indiana Jones once said," It ain’t the years baby, its the mileage". You’ve got to live it, bro. Fronting a boy band is not the best resume material when you are trying for the role of the "hard drinking police detective (with the new partner) who can’t play by the rules…but sometimes the rules have to be broken" guy. Your more likely to get cast as the "curiously effeminate serial killer who targets hookers and and quotes scripture to them as he carves them up" guy.

Brad Pitt has reportedly purchased Vintage Cartier rings for his upcoming "marriage" to girlfriend Angelina Jolie.

Brad Pitt turned 42 on Sunday and reportedly has celebrated his birthday in style by purchasing a Cartier wedding ring for Angelina Jolie.

Pitt reportedly purchased a set of rings earlier this week in Beverly Hills. Brad grabbed his motorcycle ripped up Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills on a shopping spree and purchased the rings, according to one published report

The UK Sun cites sources that dish that Brad and Angie are planning a Buddhist-style ceremony at his Malibu mansion.

The Buddhist style wedding reportedly involves the exchanging of rings and Buddhist prayers in the presence of a Buddhist Priest. I don’t know about you, but wearing a $40,000 Cartier diamond ring at a Buddhist wedding doesn’t exactly scream commitment to your religion. Hollywood stars just amaze me. Buddhism was founded by a guy who gave up his worldly possessions and rank to achieve enlightenment. Hollywood stars pretend to be Buddhist, Kabbalist and Scientologists to achieve self- absorption and pat themselves on the back when they have drug-fueled sex parties or decide to snatch small children from foreign countries.

I also don’t think Angelina is the wedding ring "type" anyway.  She seems more like a "blood is thicker than water" type, literally. If I were Brad Pitt, I would be less worried about the estate diamond and more  worried walking into a honeymoon suite with plastic taped to the walls.

Lake Bell, star of the underrated NBC series "Surface", has been slated to play Colin Farell’s wife in the upcoming drama "Pride and Glory".

Former "Boston Legal" co-star Lake Bell is in negotiations to play
Colin Farrell’s wife in "Pride and Glory," a drama about a family of
police officers.

Ed Norton, Nick Nolte, Samantha Morton and Noah
Emmerich also have been cast in the New Line movie, which goes before
cameras in February in New York. Gavin O’Connor directs.

Written
by O’Connor and Joe Carnahan, "Pride" revolves around a
three-generation family of officers torn apart by a corruption scandal.
Bell will play Megan, who is married to tough cop Jimmy Egan (Farrell).
When she discovers her husband’s complicity in a police corruption
scandal that her brother (Norton) is investigating, she must choose
between her husband and her family.

Ed Norton is rarely ever associated with crap productions so this movie may end up being good. Although, having Nick Nolte and Colin Farrell on the same movie set is probably about as smart as throwing  burning babies  into a dog fight. Yeah, they stop for second but when the flames go down they just go crazy. And, because I finally have an excuse to post them…more of Lake Bell and all her Pride and Glory after the Jump.

Read more »

Apparently, Jessica Simpson has been quite busy lately having a long string of affairs to help her through the hard times. She has already been linked with Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera, the latest is that she had a fling with Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine.

According to a well-placed Lowdown spy,
Simpson and Levine had their forbidden tryst in early September 2004,
after a long night of partying with Jessica’s personal assistant, CaCee
Cobb, and M5 drummer Ryan Dusick at L.A.’s Sunset Marquis Hotel.

"Jessica and Adam were very close in the booth, and she kept putting
her hand on his leg," says the eyewitness. "It was obvious … that
something weird was going on. A few days later, Adam was talking about
how he and Jessica had ‘gotten it on’ in the hotel that night.
Apparently it was just kind of a fling."

And if my math serves me, that would put her right at 3 months pregnant. But my money is still on Johnny Knoxville as the baby-daddy. I have done some deep soul searching and I can not, for life of me, see why Jessica would unleash the glory contained in her MaidenForm for a snively little whiner like Adam Levine. He is the vocal equivalent of a velicoraptor. Not even a velociraptor though, just that little skull cavity fossil that they found in Jurassic Park 3. Except more nasal. My girlfriend thinks he’s hot and loves his music. My girlfriend could also kick his ass with one sexy hand tied behind her back.

UPDATE: So kickass reader c-diddy realized that my math may not be right-on. The alleged affair happened back in 2004 not in Sept. of this year. In my defense, I am insane. I still think she is pregnant with Johnny Knoxville’s spawn. 2004, 2005…whatever it takes.

Or not. Whatever. According to the probably not-reliable-but-who-really-cares Post-Chronicle, Jessica Simpson has become pregnant to save her marriage. If the info is inaccurate then I am officially debunking this story. If it’s true then I stand behind the fact that I am a world class journalist bringing you the all top stories every 15 minutes.

According to a report in the upcoming Star,
Jessica Simpson is about six weeks pregnant.  Hubby Nick Lachey is
reportedly so happy he must be ‘convinced’ he’s the father,’ writes Howard Gensler.

"She’s also hanging on Nick like they’re on a second honeymoon," the Star quotes a source as saying.

"… she’s eating like a horse," says another source."

I really don’t care if she’s pregnant or not, I just wanted to post that picture of her in the Marshall Tucker Band T-shirt. (South Cackalackee Repra-ZENT!) Besides, I’m not sure getting pregnant is the right thing to do to keep your man, when you are already an insufferable bitch with a creepy dad. Especially, when your husband has been spending a lot of time in the company of other women.

I’m no expert but according to Dr. Phil, "trap him" should not be a added to your list of bad relationship solutions. He also says that I should "get real"and stop listening to the voices coming from my electrical outlets too. But the voices stop the lasers coming through the walls, duh. And, I have repeatedly told you through my television that they make me feel better when I wake up from the black-outs covered in blood. How else would I know to burn my clothes and bathe in bleach, doctor?

UPDATE: So it looks like Nick and Jessica are finally breaking up (officially). I really don’t care and I have Collard Greens to eat and I am pretty sure I may get into a chainsaw fight today. Read all about the total non-surprise story over at AllThisNonsense.com.