NSFW – Fatback Media

Rumors are flying that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are to be married in Nashville, TN in two weeks. The couple who secretly (but not so secretly) dated for months, finally went public with their relationship recently at an awards show. I will be relying on my Nashville homies to cover this event and bring back the goods.The National Ledger had this:

This report comes from the American TV show Extra.

In their special Valentine’s day report from February 14, the show
asks:  "since it’s Valentine’s Day is there a better day to reveal to
the world that you are getting hitched?"

It then cites sources
close to Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman and an Australian morning show
that is reporting that not one, but two people close to the country
music star have slipped that the two will tie the knot in Nashville
within the next two weeks.

I usually just make up half the shit on this site anyway, and I see no reason to stop now. Nicole Kidman is 2 months pregnant with Keith Urban’s baby and they are rushing to the altar before she starts to show. See? I just wrote that and it already seems true. Because it is.

Britney Spears was apparently rushed to the hospital yesterday for an unknown ailment. TMZ had this:

We’re told Spears complained of stomach cramps.

This
is not Spears’ first problem with stomach cramps. Last September, she
went to a Santa Monica hospital complaining of the same ailment.

Not really much to say about it except, great fucking photo. That could be anyone in that picture. Hell, it could be me in drag, except my legs aren’t that hairy. And damn girl, if you’re gonna pull off wearing those boots I have two words for you. Accessories, bitch. And anyway, who gives a shit if Britney has cramps? I’m not even a doctor, but Grey’s Anatomy has taught me that if you keep eating pork cracklin’s and washing them down with Iced Frappacino’s and Marlboro Light’s you might get a little impacted.

It looks like Jessica Simpson is moving on. This is her leaving the Hotel Chateau Marmont early this morning wearing a man’s shirt. Size: Adam Levine. Page Six has the deets:

The Chateau Marmont has always been a hub of
clandestine Hollywood hookups, but the windows of the famed hotel must
be fogging up with all the amorous action there lately. Our spy swears Jessica Simpson took a break from partying with Kirsten Dunst the other night to disappear into Maroon 5 man-whore Adam Levine’s room – and didn’t emerge until the next morning. "She was picked up by her best friend, Cacee Cobb,
that morning," our snitch tattled. Simpson’s rep has steadfastly shot
down rumors of a romance with the skirt-chasing singer in the past.

She looks a little sad here, but then she is doing The Walk of Shame after banging Adam Levine. Buyer’s remorse? Or maybe she saw Kirstin Dunst naked and just can’t seem to get that horror out of her mind. Holy shit. That must be a kill-word for from all that drug-induced hypnotic torture I received during my days behind the Iron Curtain, because I can’t stop trying to scratch the words Kirstin Dunst Naked of my screen. Fuck. Save yourselves. I can’t be stopped.

Jennifer Garner has new name: Jennifer Affleck. She legally changed her name recently to her married surname of Affleck.

Jennifer Garner has officially taken her hubby Ben Affleck’s name and changed her name to Jennifer Affleck, according to a published report.

The new mom reportedly wants to be known as Jen Affleck so she can share her surname with her baby daughter Violet.

People Magazine notes that the new parents each made $500 donations to Massachusetts gubernatorial candidate Deval Patrick’s campaign recently.

I guess that’s cool. She is from the south after all. At least she picked one or the other and didn’t hyphenate it. My mom did something similar, except she just hyphenated all the names of the guys that could have been my dad. In her defense, she was pretty slutty.