NSFW - Fatback Media

There has been a lot of buzz about the show So you Think You Can Dance and, since I am a champion street dancer, I thought I’d check it out. Turns out the show sucks. It’s like American Idol light. The one shining light of the whole show and my new reason for watching is Cat Deeley. She’s british, she’s hot, and apparently she’s the cat’s meow on the British reality shows. I’ve yet to see her dance. But I’ll be ready when she does.

I got my dancing skills the real way: On the mean streets of the unforgiving city where danger and intrigue are around every corner, bitches. Somebody bumps into me coming off an escalator at the mall, they’re gonna have Pat Benatar, all up in their grill before they can say, “Love is a Battlefield”. I think you read me on that one. I’m not scared pull Thriller out at the drop of sequined glove, either. Just sayin’. I’m hard core. You bring the Jets, I’ll hit you with Jesus Christ Superstar Jazz hands. You bring some of that Julliard Ballet bullshit and I’ll go RENT on your leotard wearing ass, cause I can sing like a mother fucking angel. Now check out these pics of Cat Deeley while I work on my moves. Amatuers.

Nick Lachey is making the rounds. He has been linked to Miss Kentucky Lizzie Arnold, CaCee Cobb, Kristin Cavalleri and most recently The West Wing’s Kristin Chenoweth.

Nick Lachey has gotten in another dig at ex wife Jessica Simpson. He’s traded in Kristin Cavalleri for a more mature, but just as beautiful Kristin Chenoweth. The pint sized hottie from the ‘West Wing’ and ‘Bewitched’ has reportedly captured Nick’s attention.

The 1999 Tony Award winner and Nick are reportedly seeing each other reports the National Enquirer.

Fresh off her FHM photo spread the blonde star looks fabulous for 37 and is five years older than Nick, and 18 years older than Kristin Cavallari. But the 4′11″ babe always references her religious upbringing (even in FHM) so she’s basically Jessica at 37.(source)

I never watch the West Wing, so I just thought she was that hot country chick from the Old Navy commercials. Kristin Chenoweth is obviously hot, and you know I’m a sucker for a southern accent, but I think she may be a little too pint sized for my sensibilities. Plus you know what they say about guys who like to date short chicks. Actually, do you know what they say?

Ok, so obviously things are pretty fucked up. We are migrating over to a new CMS and working with a site redesign. Most of the image links don’t work yet and a lot of stuff just isn’t right. Please bear with us…I hope to have this all fixed up and shiney as new penny by the end of the weekend.

UPDATE: Ok, so I think most of the bugs are out so all of the images and old posts are showing up now. However, some of the links are hard coded to the old site (which lives here at The Old Server ; which will stay live for a while), so if you get trapped over there just repoint your browser to fatbackmedia.com/nsfw.

Apparently, Miss Kentucky 2002 Elizabeth Ann “Lizzie” Arnold is a wholesome southern girl. She has stated that she wants to take it slow with new boyfriend Nick Lachey until his divorce is final.(source)

The 26-year-old Arnold and singer speak on the phone “virtually
every day”, but she has doubts about the future of their relationship.

She
says, “We’re good friends, but I don’t know exactly where this is
going. He’s going through a tough time and we’re there for each other.
But I don’t feel comfortable getting serious with a married man.”

The
former Miss Kentucky insists she’s not in the market for a serious
relationship. A friend of Arnold’s says she is proceeding with caution
adding, “She won’t get serious with him until he is divorced.”

Lizzie Arnold is turning out to be one of my new favorites. She’s tall, hot and smart and she knows how to work the media. It’s all about subtlety. Plus, I almost believe her.

Read more »

Rumors are flying that Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are to be married in Nashville, TN in two weeks. The couple who secretly (but not so secretly) dated for months, finally went public with their relationship recently at an awards show. I will be relying on my Nashville homies to cover this event and bring back the goods.The National Ledger had this:

This report comes from the American TV show Extra.

In their special Valentine’s day report from February 14, the show
asks:  "since it’s Valentine’s Day is there a better day to reveal to
the world that you are getting hitched?"

It then cites sources
close to Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman and an Australian morning show
that is reporting that not one, but two people close to the country
music star have slipped that the two will tie the knot in Nashville
within the next two weeks.

I usually just make up half the shit on this site anyway, and I see no reason to stop now. Nicole Kidman is 2 months pregnant with Keith Urban’s baby and they are rushing to the altar before she starts to show. See? I just wrote that and it already seems true. Because it is.

Britney Spears was apparently rushed to the hospital yesterday for an unknown ailment. TMZ had this:

We’re told Spears complained of stomach cramps.

This
is not Spears’ first problem with stomach cramps. Last September, she
went to a Santa Monica hospital complaining of the same ailment.

Not really much to say about it except, great fucking photo. That could be anyone in that picture. Hell, it could be me in drag, except my legs aren’t that hairy. And damn girl, if you’re gonna pull off wearing those boots I have two words for you. Accessories, bitch. And anyway, who gives a shit if Britney has cramps? I’m not even a doctor, but Grey’s Anatomy has taught me that if you keep eating pork cracklin’s and washing them down with Iced Frappacino’s and Marlboro Light’s you might get a little impacted.

It looks like Jessica Simpson is moving on. This is her leaving the Hotel Chateau Marmont early this morning wearing a man’s shirt. Size: Adam Levine. Page Six has the deets:

The Chateau Marmont has always been a hub of
clandestine Hollywood hookups, but the windows of the famed hotel must
be fogging up with all the amorous action there lately. Our spy swears Jessica Simpson took a break from partying with Kirsten Dunst the other night to disappear into Maroon 5 man-whore Adam Levine’s room - and didn’t emerge until the next morning. "She was picked up by her best friend, Cacee Cobb,
that morning," our snitch tattled. Simpson’s rep has steadfastly shot
down rumors of a romance with the skirt-chasing singer in the past.

She looks a little sad here, but then she is doing The Walk of Shame after banging Adam Levine. Buyer’s remorse? Or maybe she saw Kirstin Dunst naked and just can’t seem to get that horror out of her mind. Holy shit. That must be a kill-word for from all that drug-induced hypnotic torture I received during my days behind the Iron Curtain, because I can’t stop trying to scratch the words Kirstin Dunst Naked of my screen. Fuck. Save yourselves. I can’t be stopped.

Jennifer Garner has new name: Jennifer Affleck. She legally changed her name recently to her married surname of Affleck.

Jennifer Garner has officially taken her hubby Ben Affleck’s name and changed her name to Jennifer Affleck, according to a published report.

The new mom reportedly wants to be known as Jen Affleck so she can share her surname with her baby daughter Violet.

People Magazine notes that the new parents each made $500 donations to Massachusetts gubernatorial candidate Deval Patrick’s campaign recently.

I guess that’s cool. She is from the south after all. At least she picked one or the other and didn’t hyphenate it. My mom did something similar, except she just hyphenated all the names of the guys that could have been my dad. In her defense, she was pretty slutty.

Eva Longoria reportedly used a racial slur against the police officer who confronted the Desperate Housewives star and her boyfriend Tony Parker (San Antonio Spurs) when they "impeded traffic" over the Holiday weekend. According to AP and The National Ledger:

After seeing a car stopped, a bicycle
officer indicated that it was impeding traffic. When the car didn’t
move, the officer rapped the hood with the palm of his hand, according
to a police report.

Parker, who was behind the wheel, questioned why the officer touched
the car, and the couple "began screaming in a verbally abusive and
demeaning manner," police said.

The officer who wrote the citations said
Parker complained: "This is all the cops do, just mess with people,"
and that Longoria shouted from the car:

"He’s just a Mexican bike cop. He only wants your autograph."

Wait. What? But isn’t she…? Huh? I mean…huh?  After the incident Eva back peddled:

"It’s a shame that one officer conducted
himself in such an inappropriate and disorderly manner. I never made
any sort of racial slurs, let alone made any comments about the officer
being Mexican, as a Mexican myself," Longoria said through her
publicist.

What’s a shame is that Eva Longoria thinks that her spicy hotness will let her get away with using racial slurs. I mean, I wouldn’t let her call me a dirty redneck cracker and get away with it. Wait. Yes I would. But then again, I am a dirty redneck cracker. Maybe I just have a shitty publicist.

The long list of men asscociated with Jessica Simpson is getting longer by the day. We have all heard about the Johnny Knoxville rumors, and Bam Margera, and Adam Levine, but now it appears that Jessica as added Trace Ayala to her harem.

She’s been linked in reports to her Dukes of Hazzard co-star Johnny Knoxville, as well as his bad-boy Jackass buddy and skateboard star Bam Margera. But Jessica’s latest boytoy may be Trace Ayala, 25, Justin Timberlake’s business partner in the William Rast clothing line, who she’s been spotted cozying up to in L.A. since mid-November.

A rep for Simpson insists that Ayala, who recently split with fiancée and 24 actress Elisha Cuthbert, 23, is close friends with Jess’ best friend and assistant CaCee Cobb. "That’s a complete hoax," a Simpson source tells Star.
"I think Trace is hanging around Jess because he wants to be her
boyfriend," the source says. "But Jessica told Trace she can’t date him
‘publicly’ for at least six months. Trace is gaga for Jessica, so he’ll
go along with anything at this point."

See that’s where guys go wrong. When a married girl says we can’t be seen in public together, but come back later when my husband isn’t around, you know you’re in for trouble. It starts out with you bringing her cigarettes at 3:00 in the morning after a fight. Next thing you know you’re meeting her anywhere she requests and bringing the strange items she’s asked for. You’re missing work. You’re not sleeping. But you’re in love. Right? Everything begins to blur into a foggy haze until one day you’re standing over her husband with a gun in your hand and she’s all "what’d you do?!".