NSFW – Fatback Media

 

Time to enter the wayback machine kids – way back to when Marisa Miller was doing more nudity. Besides the fact that I couldn’t send you through the weekend with the incredible hulk dog as the lead story, I was feeling a little nostalgic about a time in the not too distant past when tea was sweet, summer was hot and Marisa Miller was plenty nude. Good times.

Paris Hilton, ever the speller, who’s facing up to 45 days in prison, posted a heartfelt half-ass plea on her MySpace page this week urging people to sign a petittion to keep her out of jail.

“My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn [sic] it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!”

The petition, created by the stunningly dim-witted, Joshua Capone urges Arnold Schwarzenegger to rescind the order to incarcerate Paris for av DUI conviction probation violation.

“Paris Whitney Hilton is a 26-year-old American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world,” (source)

The letter goes on and on, and I think at one point he talks about masturbating while actually writing the petition, but I got so bored reading it that I literally died for a minute or two. But the cold medicine that I cooked up into crystal meth gave me a heart attack and brought me back kicking and screaming. Moral of the story? Paris Hilton is a murderer. And Sudafed sinus really does work. Although you need a lot of nitric acid a hot plate and some expensive glassware. More Marisa Miller because Paris Hilton is about as sexy to me as slurping ipecac off a dude’s cock.

Folks thats a genuine almost Marisa Miller nip slip. There’s at least 3 mm of areola peeking out of that dress taunting you to masturbate. Go ahead. Give into it. Rub one out and come back. I’ll wait.

You know I love me some Marisa Miller, but- and I’m trying to find the right way to say this- she doesn’t look as good as usual here. Oh, she’s still hotter than 99.9999% of all life on earth, but what the hell happened to her arms? Don’t get me wrong, I like my big boobied girls to be skinny, but not bony. What is it with girls who look like angels thinking they should mess around with the formula. Guess what Marisa? You’re hot and skinny. We get it. Now come over to my house for dinner and let’s get some groceries in you.

Can this even be real? How can Pete Doherty still be alive? Are there any drugs left to do in England? It looks like now he’s just rubbing the shit on his face with a hand full of broken glass . The dude is scabby and bleeding from 1001 different spots, including his fingernails, he continues to do drugs and somehow he convinced a (former) supermodel that he’s a rockstar and not the grim specter of death. If I saw him on the street I would call the CDC with a level 5 containment emergency, not ask for his autograph. When people look like this in Africa they firebomb the whole village and call it day. Somehow, Pete and his hemorrhagic fever can still get gigs with his band and avoid prosecution for drug violations time after time. PS. Joe Black here, just announced his engagement at a recent show. Love is in the air. Oh, and so is a fine aerosol of diseased, pussey blood.

Suddenly skipping alongside him on stage was that other emblem of the druggie world, Kate Moss, making a fleeting appearance to support her man – the soiled supermodel had time enough to stick up a middle finger at the audience.

So ladylike. And there was Doherty telling the cheering crowd he was “dedicating this song to my fiancee”. (source)

Here’s Pete showing how close we all are to meeting out final repose. Ah, love. “O, how this spring of love resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day…” (The rest of the pics are Marissa Miller so I don’t slash my wrists- ed.)