Maria Sharpova in a bikini warrants a late post. I know I posted some in this set a while back, but some new ones showed up in my inbox, so here we are. I speak a little Russian and I once dated a Russian chick so that makes me an expert on Eastern European affairs. Namely. Eastern European Women. American women are coy and flirty but Russian women are ruthless cutthroats. That’s why they’re so god damn hot.

Svetlana, my ex, smoked cigarettes like she was popping bubble gum. She was always smiling, but in way that scared the hell out of me. And she would curse me in that sexy accent. “God, you are so stupid. Hahahaha. You’re the stupidest person I have ever seen. Americans. Hahaha. Stupid clothes. Stupid hair. Stupid face. Even the air you breathe is stupid. I am getting stupid just standing next to you. Take me now you god damned idiot.” Then we would have sex for two hours. Later I would wake up with my wallet gone and cigarette burns on my chest. God I miss her.

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Tennis players Maria Sharapova and Andy Roddick are deflecting rumors that they are a couple. Recently, during a rained out session of the US Open the two were asked to play an “exhibition” match to raise the spirits of disappointed ticket holders. The fact that those two were specifically asked to play on the same court together raised some eyebrows and fueled speculation that they are a couple.

Roddick and Sharapova have been peppered with questions about whether they’re romantically involved since the U.S. Open began last week.

The 19-year-old Sharapova has flatly declined to discuss her personal life in news conferences, adopting the sourpuss expression she flaunts in her latest Nike commercial, in which she strides from her Manhattan hotel to the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center as a host of New Yorkers serenade her with, “I Feel Pretty.”

Roddick, 24, has deflected suggestions of a liaison more directly.

“We’re not dating,” he said last week. “I’ve said it a million times already, but you guys refuse to write it. Mmm, you know, we’re friendly. We’re in the same places. I think she’s a great girl. You know, we’ll talk. But that’s about it.” (source)

I never really got into tennis when I was a kid because it seemed like such a country club activity. Just rich white people with perfect teeth prancing around in white shorts with sweaters tied around their necks swatting the air with the cover still on the racket. I wanted to play, but I think you’re more likely to hear “Now batting for the Red Sox, DH Stephen Hawking” than “Now serving on the far court, the dirty poor kid from the Key Largo trailer park, unit 3, whose mother is banging the landlord for smokes and rent”. I’m not saying that tennis is an elitist sport. I’m saying that Maria Sharapova is 6’2″ and she scares me. Scares me sexy.

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