NSFW – Fatback Media

Afternoon links! It’s Monday and the week already sucks. Stop working and kill the rest of the day reading internet gold.

Hayden Panittierre is still jailbait, so that makes you a dirty perv. (The Bastardly)

Fergie’s song London Bridge is apparently a reference to a group sex position. I wonder if she’s heard of Rodeo style? (Yeeeah)

Christina Aguilera in October JANE. How long till I post these myself? (INO)

Reese Witherspoon + Cake = Super yummy. (Smart)

For the ladies. LOST and Sawyer are returning in nine days. The square root of 9 is 3, which is a prime number. LOST comes on at 9, which is PRIMEtime. Coincidence? Huh? HUH? Math rulez. (Bumpshack)

Jesus H Martinez! See the MySpace showdown between JM and some DJ who may be gay. His text siggy is 2 turntables and a mixer. CLEVER! (DrunkenStepfather)

Steven Tyler has Hepatits C. Which is just slightly classier than Hepatitis B. (Gossip or truth)

It’s Spankin’ Free Music Week at MTV. Head over and check out all the new goodness. (MTV)

Apparently, Evangeline Lilly of ABC’s LOST is upset about the fact that she has to stay in shape for her starring role in the popular show.

The brunette actress admits she succumbed to the pressures of Hollywood when she landed the role of Kate Austen in the hit US series.

She said: “I went from, ‘Yeah, I’m in shape and I can go to the beach’ to, ‘I’m going to be on national television and every ounce of body fat needs to go’.”

Her fanatical diet and exercise regime has not relaxed even though she has been spotted looking underweight.

She is quoted in Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper as saying: “I slimmed as hard as I could. I continue to.”(source)

After a long talk with my penis, we’re pretty sure that Evangeline Lilly is doing the right thing by being in shape. Experts agree that if your ass can fit in the palms of my hands then you are exactly hot enough and you are no slave to the Hollywood aesthetic. If your ass can fit in the coin slot of a vending machine like Nicole Ritchie or Mary Kate Olsen, then you are a disgusting fat pig who needs to work a little harder on that figure. I mean, I can barely see your heart beating through you ribcage, fatty.

Josh Holloway reportedly had second thoughts about his relationship with his then fiancée (now wife) Yessica Kumala when Lost became a big hit.

Josh Holloway , who’s in ABC’s hit “Lost,” admits he considered dumping his fiancée when his star began to rise. “There’s a Hugh Hefner that lives in all men,” happily married Holloway tells Men’s Health. “So when ‘Lost’ took off, part of me thought, ‘Do I cut and run?’ I still like to look around, but respectfully and with no intentions. ‘Married, not buried,’ I always say.” Still, he can’t help fantasize about bachelorhood. “If I were single?” Holloway muses. “Damn, I’d have one girl doing my laundry, one shaving me, one bringing me a cocktail and another one coming out of my tent all hung over.”(source)

It’s really not as glamorous as he may think. For instance, finding girls who can get the right amount of olive juice in my dirty martini and get the starch right on my Armani shirts and shave my balls without nicks (they’re sensitive!) is tough. It takes screening and dedication and lots of meaningless sex, which if you’re not mentally prepared for, will break you. Some days I just sit in the corner and cry for no reason.

That said, Josh Holloway just officially declared open season on hot Hawaiian LOST groupee chicks and probably divorce proceeding by his wife. I’m pretty sure it’s a law in Hollywood that you can bang other people while you’re married as long as you keep it on the down low. Kinda like my arrangement with Charisma Carpenter. I’m sure Josh will steal Evangeline Lilly from Dominic Moneghan in a day or two so here are some images of her for Friday morning.

Ok. That last one is really Michelle Rodriguez drunk and naked in the pool of some bar. But hey. You came here for Josh Holloway, not boobies right?

Fresh faced, beauty Evangeline Lilly has no patience for the laid back luau lifestyle in Hawai’i. She recently told a source that she gets very frustrated with the slow pace of Hawaiians and the lifestyle gets her down.

The pretty Canadian admits island life really gets her down, especially when she’s in a hurry to get somewhere.

She explains, “The notion of ‘aloha’ is really nice when you’re a visitor walking on the sidewalk and everyone’s cool and going, ‘Yay! Aloha!’

“But when you’re on the road running late for work and everyone’s fucking ‘Yay! Aloha!’ you want to snap! No one understands that there is a passing lane, no one understands there is a speed limit you can exceed.”

Unfortunately, Lilly’s co-stars have fallen foul of the island’s strict speed limit laws–her boyfriend Dominic Monaghan and Michelle Rodriguez are among those who have been booked for driving too fast in recent months.(source)

The entire cast of Lost is trying to single-handedly turn back the clock a hundred years in Hawaii. At least Evangeline has been arrested for DUI yet. I completely understand her frustration though. I mean whenever I travel to a place where the indigenous people have been living there in peace for thousands of years I just burn their villages and run over them with my bulldozer. It’s really easy because they’re all so slow. Mahalo!