So much is going on today. Emily and I and the rest of the crew are working hard to pull together the top stories. Enjoy these tidbits till then.

• Pamela Anderson is bald. (Celebrity Smack)
• Doogie aka Barney aka Neil Patrick Harris gay. So? Suit up and tell Perez to shut the fuck up. (Cele|bitchy)
• Tiffani Amber Theissen. Still hot. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Heather Thomas from the 80’s spank list. TJ Hooker was the shit. (Bumpshack)
• Britney moved out and lives in a hotel. (Glitterati)
• Evangeline Lilly may be perfect. I must stalk her. (Yeeeah!)
• Kirsten Dunst likes fangs. (INO)
• Everyday Equations. Even stupid people need math! (College Humor)
• Paris Hilton bruises like a dirty peach. (Celebslam)

Oh, BTW. That’s Lisa Dean Ryan who played Wanda on Doogie Howser. That’s the only pic I could find. Wanda was the shit.

November is off to a craptacular start kids. Not much going on around here so check out these links while I rustle up some stories.

• Celebrity Halloween Costume Contest: UPDATE: New entries!(Fatback and Collards)
• Perez Hilton is being sued by X17 online. Who ya got? (Radar online)
• In interesting news, GMMR has all the recaps for this week’s hot TV lineup. RIP Mr Eko. (GMMR)
• Another completely self-absorbed chick begging for attention gets destroyed on BLOD. (Bastardly)
• Cindy Margolis Playboy pics on the site that scooped them all. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Brad Pitt vs. Vanity Fair. Apparently Brad doesn’t know what the legal ramifications of a signed Release Form are. (Yeeeah)
• Mischa Barton loitering in Malibu hoping that Rachel Bilson will still talk to her. Loser. (ICYDK)
• Another shitty Paris Hilton costume. This time she’s…wait for it….wait for it…a whore. (Bumpshack)
• Although Alyssa Milano received good marks in my contest, Super hot Jenny from IDLYITW noticed that she had her costume on upside down. Hey ANN-geler. (IDLYITW)
• Penelope Cruz. Cute as a button. (Smart)
• Too much candy corn? Check out Celeb diet, you fat fatty. (Celeb Diet)
• MySpace feeling a little flacid? Are you a sexy motherfucker? Try Trendmill. It the hot new shit. (Trendmill)

Oh the Hooter’s Girls? I’m pretty hungry and I was looking for a picture of fried chicken when I ran across some of my slutty friends dressed up for Halloween. Happy Feast of Samhain.

Paris Hilton’s whining again because the public thinks she’s a whore promiscuous. Apparently, she has morals. And an appetite.

Although the Stars Are Blind singer became famous after a sex tape she filmed with former boyfriend RICK SOLOMON was released on the internet in 2003, she says she doesn’t deserve her racy reputation.

She tells Seventeen magazine, “People shouldn’t judge me and assume that’s how I am.

“I get in so many fights with guys who are like, ‘In public, you are the sexiest sex symbol, but you’re not sexual at all at home.’ “I’m like, ‘Whatever, shut up. I don’t wanna be.’ I’d rather watch a movie or LOST, or like, eat.” (source)

Everyone’s a critic. I totally get aggravated when people assume I’m easy because I strut around in sheer, short dresses with straps that are always too loose thus showing my left tit and my bedroom acrobatics are spread via broadband Internet feed and when I show my “naughty” zone every time I get in and out of the fucking car. I’d totally rather be eating a lettuce wedge and a grapefruit rind watching mindless TV than gallivanting around LA’s chicest nightclubs with famous starlets and billionaire heirs. I just wanna be me! Totally.

So the site was down for over an hour today. Sorry if you couldn’t get through. I got it all worked out with GoDaddy and their hotass customer service reps. While I get the server back up to blinding speed see what going on around ‘nets.

College according to National Lampoon. (I still think PCU trumps them all. “We’re not gonna protest”) (College Humor)

Kristin Cavallari at the opening of Arena nightclub. Girlfriend still doesn’t have a job. Lazy. (The Bastardly)

Jesus gets another hot MySpace girl to send him bikini pics. Bless us everyone. (Drunken Stepfather)

Ivanka Trump and Lance Armstrong are banging. How long till Trump throws a bromm in spokes? (Gossip or Truth)

The Matthew’s separately (lovingly?) sporting the sack-grabber bike shorts while running. My boys need some wiggle room, ladies. I run commando. (BumpShack)

Paris Hilton’s crotch in full view again. I think it’s about time for her to get some syndications rights on that thing. (INO)

Alanis Morisette and Ryan Reynolds blah blah blah. I don’t give a shit. Click the link if you do. (Bricks and Stones)

Kate Winslet broke her has while filming a sex scene for a movie. Method acting rulez. Strasberg in the hizzle! (Yeeeah!)

Rachel Bilson somehow makes the Columbian drug-lord-Pocohontas look work. (Smart)

Absolutely no reason for Stacy Keibler, except she hasn’t been around in while…

Afternoon links! It’s Monday and the week already sucks. Stop working and kill the rest of the day reading internet gold.

Hayden Panittierre is still jailbait, so that makes you a dirty perv. (The Bastardly)

Fergie’s song London Bridge is apparently a reference to a group sex position. I wonder if she’s heard of Rodeo style? (Yeeeah)

Christina Aguilera in October JANE. How long till I post these myself? (INO)

Reese Witherspoon + Cake = Super yummy. (Smart)

For the ladies. LOST and Sawyer are returning in nine days. The square root of 9 is 3, which is a prime number. LOST comes on at 9, which is PRIMEtime. Coincidence? Huh? HUH? Math rulez. (Bumpshack)

Jesus H Martinez! See the MySpace showdown between JM and some DJ who may be gay. His text siggy is 2 turntables and a mixer. CLEVER! (DrunkenStepfather)

Steven Tyler has Hepatits C. Which is just slightly classier than Hepatitis B. (Gossip or truth)

It’s Spankin’ Free Music Week at MTV. Head over and check out all the new goodness. (MTV)