NSFW - Fatback Media

So much is going on today. Emily and I and the rest of the crew are working hard to pull together the top stories. Enjoy these tidbits till then.

• Pamela Anderson is bald. (Celebrity Smack)
• Doogie aka Barney aka Neil Patrick Harris gay. So? Suit up and tell Perez to shut the fuck up. (Cele|bitchy)
• Tiffani Amber Theissen. Still hot. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Heather Thomas from the 80’s spank list. TJ Hooker was the shit. (Bumpshack)
• Britney moved out and lives in a hotel. (Glitterati)
• Evangeline Lilly may be perfect. I must stalk her. (Yeeeah!)
• Kirsten Dunst likes fangs. (INO)
• Everyday Equations. Even stupid people need math! (College Humor)
• Paris Hilton bruises like a dirty peach. (Celebslam)

Oh, BTW. That’s Lisa Dean Ryan who played Wanda on Doogie Howser. That’s the only pic I could find. Wanda was the shit.

November is off to a craptacular start kids. Not much going on around here so check out these links while I rustle up some stories.

• Celebrity Halloween Costume Contest: UPDATE: New entries!(Fatback and Collards)
• Perez Hilton is being sued by X17 online. Who ya got? (Radar online)
• In interesting news, GMMR has all the recaps for this week’s hot TV lineup. RIP Mr Eko. (GMMR)
• Another completely self-absorbed chick begging for attention gets destroyed on BLOD. (Bastardly)
• Cindy Margolis Playboy pics on the site that scooped them all. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Brad Pitt vs. Vanity Fair. Apparently Brad doesn’t know what the legal ramifications of a signed Release Form are. (Yeeeah)
• Mischa Barton loitering in Malibu hoping that Rachel Bilson will still talk to her. Loser. (ICYDK)
• Another shitty Paris Hilton costume. This time she’s…wait for it….wait for it…a whore. (Bumpshack)
• Although Alyssa Milano received good marks in my contest, Super hot Jenny from IDLYITW noticed that she had her costume on upside down. Hey ANN-geler. (IDLYITW)
• Penelope Cruz. Cute as a button. (Smart)
• Too much candy corn? Check out Celeb diet, you fat fatty. (Celeb Diet)
• MySpace feeling a little flacid? Are you a sexy motherfucker? Try Trendmill. It the hot new shit. (Trendmill)

Oh the Hooter’s Girls? I’m pretty hungry and I was looking for a picture of fried chicken when I ran across some of my slutty friends dressed up for Halloween. Happy Feast of Samhain.

Paris Hilton’s whining again because the public thinks she’s a whore promiscuous. Apparently, she has morals. And an appetite.

Although the Stars Are Blind singer became famous after a sex tape she filmed with former boyfriend RICK SOLOMON was released on the internet in 2003, she says she doesn’t deserve her racy reputation.

She tells Seventeen magazine, “People shouldn’t judge me and assume that’s how I am.

“I get in so many fights with guys who are like, ‘In public, you are the sexiest sex symbol, but you’re not sexual at all at home.’ “I’m like, ‘Whatever, shut up. I don’t wanna be.’ I’d rather watch a movie or LOST, or like, eat.” (source)

Everyone’s a critic. I totally get aggravated when people assume I’m easy because I strut around in sheer, short dresses with straps that are always too loose thus showing my left tit and my bedroom acrobatics are spread via broadband Internet feed and when I show my “naughty” zone every time I get in and out of the fucking car. I’d totally rather be eating a lettuce wedge and a grapefruit rind watching mindless TV than gallivanting around LA’s chicest nightclubs with famous starlets and billionaire heirs. I just wanna be me! Totally.

So the site was down for over an hour today. Sorry if you couldn’t get through. I got it all worked out with GoDaddy and their hotass customer service reps. While I get the server back up to blinding speed see what going on around ‘nets.

College according to National Lampoon. (I still think PCU trumps them all. “We’re not gonna protest”) (College Humor)

Kristin Cavallari at the opening of Arena nightclub. Girlfriend still doesn’t have a job. Lazy. (The Bastardly)

Jesus gets another hot MySpace girl to send him bikini pics. Bless us everyone. (Drunken Stepfather)

Ivanka Trump and Lance Armstrong are banging. How long till Trump throws a bromm in spokes? (Gossip or Truth)

The Matthew’s separately (lovingly?) sporting the sack-grabber bike shorts while running. My boys need some wiggle room, ladies. I run commando. (BumpShack)

Paris Hilton’s crotch in full view again. I think it’s about time for her to get some syndications rights on that thing. (INO)

Alanis Morisette and Ryan Reynolds blah blah blah. I don’t give a shit. Click the link if you do. (Bricks and Stones)

Kate Winslet broke her has while filming a sex scene for a movie. Method acting rulez. Strasberg in the hizzle! (Yeeeah!)

Rachel Bilson somehow makes the Columbian drug-lord-Pocohontas look work. (Smart)

Absolutely no reason for Stacy Keibler, except she hasn’t been around in while…

Afternoon links! It’s Monday and the week already sucks. Stop working and kill the rest of the day reading internet gold.

Hayden Panittierre is still jailbait, so that makes you a dirty perv. (The Bastardly)

Fergie’s song London Bridge is apparently a reference to a group sex position. I wonder if she’s heard of Rodeo style? (Yeeeah)

Christina Aguilera in October JANE. How long till I post these myself? (INO)

Reese Witherspoon + Cake = Super yummy. (Smart)

For the ladies. LOST and Sawyer are returning in nine days. The square root of 9 is 3, which is a prime number. LOST comes on at 9, which is PRIMEtime. Coincidence? Huh? HUH? Math rulez. (Bumpshack)

Jesus H Martinez! See the MySpace showdown between JM and some DJ who may be gay. His text siggy is 2 turntables and a mixer. CLEVER! (DrunkenStepfather)

Steven Tyler has Hepatits C. Which is just slightly classier than Hepatitis B. (Gossip or truth)

It’s Spankin’ Free Music Week at MTV. Head over and check out all the new goodness. (MTV)

Apparently, Evangeline Lilly of ABC’s LOST is upset about the fact that she has to stay in shape for her starring role in the popular show.

The brunette actress admits she succumbed to the pressures of Hollywood when she landed the role of Kate Austen in the hit US series.

She said: “I went from, ‘Yeah, I’m in shape and I can go to the beach’ to, ‘I’m going to be on national television and every ounce of body fat needs to go’.”

Her fanatical diet and exercise regime has not relaxed even though she has been spotted looking underweight.

She is quoted in Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper as saying: “I slimmed as hard as I could. I continue to.”(source)

After a long talk with my penis, we’re pretty sure that Evangeline Lilly is doing the right thing by being in shape. Experts agree that if your ass can fit in the palms of my hands then you are exactly hot enough and you are no slave to the Hollywood aesthetic. If your ass can fit in the coin slot of a vending machine like Nicole Ritchie or Mary Kate Olsen, then you are a disgusting fat pig who needs to work a little harder on that figure. I mean, I can barely see your heart beating through you ribcage, fatty.

Josh Holloway reportedly had second thoughts about his relationship with his then fiancée (now wife) Yessica Kumala when Lost became a big hit.

Josh Holloway , who’s in ABC’s hit “Lost,” admits he considered dumping his fiancée when his star began to rise. “There’s a Hugh Hefner that lives in all men,” happily married Holloway tells Men’s Health. “So when ‘Lost’ took off, part of me thought, ‘Do I cut and run?’ I still like to look around, but respectfully and with no intentions. ‘Married, not buried,’ I always say.” Still, he can’t help fantasize about bachelorhood. “If I were single?” Holloway muses. “Damn, I’d have one girl doing my laundry, one shaving me, one bringing me a cocktail and another one coming out of my tent all hung over.”(source)

It’s really not as glamorous as he may think. For instance, finding girls who can get the right amount of olive juice in my dirty martini and get the starch right on my Armani shirts and shave my balls without nicks (they’re sensitive!) is tough. It takes screening and dedication and lots of meaningless sex, which if you’re not mentally prepared for, will break you. Some days I just sit in the corner and cry for no reason.

That said, Josh Holloway just officially declared open season on hot Hawaiian LOST groupee chicks and probably divorce proceeding by his wife. I’m pretty sure it’s a law in Hollywood that you can bang other people while you’re married as long as you keep it on the down low. Kinda like my arrangement with Charisma Carpenter. I’m sure Josh will steal Evangeline Lilly from Dominic Moneghan in a day or two so here are some images of her for Friday morning.

Ok. That last one is really Michelle Rodriguez drunk and naked in the pool of some bar. But hey. You came here for Josh Holloway, not boobies right?

Fresh faced, beauty Evangeline Lilly has no patience for the laid back luau lifestyle in Hawai’i. She recently told a source that she gets very frustrated with the slow pace of Hawaiians and the lifestyle gets her down.

The pretty Canadian admits island life really gets her down, especially when she’s in a hurry to get somewhere.

She explains, “The notion of ‘aloha’ is really nice when you’re a visitor walking on the sidewalk and everyone’s cool and going, ‘Yay! Aloha!’

“But when you’re on the road running late for work and everyone’s fucking ‘Yay! Aloha!’ you want to snap! No one understands that there is a passing lane, no one understands there is a speed limit you can exceed.”

Unfortunately, Lilly’s co-stars have fallen foul of the island’s strict speed limit laws–her boyfriend Dominic Monaghan and Michelle Rodriguez are among those who have been booked for driving too fast in recent months.(source)

The entire cast of Lost is trying to single-handedly turn back the clock a hundred years in Hawaii. At least Evangeline has been arrested for DUI yet. I completely understand her frustration though. I mean whenever I travel to a place where the indigenous people have been living there in peace for thousands of years I just burn their villages and run over them with my bulldozer. It’s really easy because they’re all so slow. Mahalo!

Sexy Lost star Evangeline Lilly is set to appear in another commercial. No, it’s not the late night dating ads. This time it’s Oriental Rugs for Karastan.

The actress best known to TV viewers as “Lost” castaway Kate Austen has signed a deal with the upscale Karastan company to appear in four print ads for the rug manufacturer.

Karastan is based in Dalton, Georgia. David Duncan, the company’s V.P. of Marketing said that Lilly is, “an impressive and authentic young woman.”The ads will begin running in April in a number of magazines. Lilly follows in the footsteps of actress Andie MacDowell, who also has appeared the Karastan ads.Lilly will continue her “Lost” duties, having recently signed to appear in the third season of the series.(source)

This really isn’t even news except for the fact that it just proves that Evangeline Lilly isn’t a snobby bitch like a lot of actresses in Hollywood these days who never call back when I send out screen plays of my soft-core, yet tasteful adult films. My cinematography is brilliant ladies. Call me.