NSFW – Fatback Media

While I finish off this bowl of Chicken and Dumplings, check out what’s going on around internet.

Woody Allen is a Perv. Oh, and he made a movie with Scarlett Johansson where he has sex with her everyday until the end of time. Wait. That might have been a dream I had. (Glitterati)

Norah Jones is filming a movie with Jude Law. They aren’t even dating yet and I think he has already cheated on her. (ICYDK)

Paris Hilton is god damn idiot. Oh, and she is attempting to be stylish by wearing gloves that she bought at Marshall’s. Stupid Irregulars. (VHT)

Alyssa Milano is hot, hairy Italian heat. As long as she shaves her legs, pits and her holier-than-thou then I’m in. (The Bastardly)

Givememyremote.com begins “The Office Summer Cartoon Series”, inked by super sexy artist Meg. Enjoy the Scrantonicity. (GMMR)

Ashlee Simpson turned down $4 million dollars to get naked for Playboy. Give me $40 and bottle of Tequila and I can have her dancing naked on the bar in 2 hours. Make sure you get a camera with a Flash. Oh, and photoshop me out of the pics, too. I have a secret identity to protect.(Tabloid Whore)

Wow. Another set of candids of Kristin Cavallari not doing anything but still remaining famous somehow. The best way to be really famous is to sleep with an super hot internet writer who has a double life as a crime fighter, like me. (Bricks and Stones)

At least one of the Beckhams has a skill. (Ed. Note: Ladies, don’t say I never think about you. Gratuitous man flesh follows)(Holly Scoop)

Speaking of soccer, and gratuitous flesh (the good kind) here’s Pamela David’s nude rack. I have no idea who she is, but as usual I fell in love with her immediately. (Subvert Society)

Nicole Kidman and Kieth Urban are on their honeymoon. I bet when they have sex it sounds like bag full of broomsticks hitting the ground. (INO)

It’s Tuesday lunch and here’s what’s going on around the web.

Kristin Cavallari may play Daisy Duke in the new prequel film The Inbred Dukes of Hazzard have sex with their cousin Daisy: The early Years. (I’m not Obsessed)

Paris Hilton is being sued for the car crash she caused. Unfortunately, she will not pay a dime because she is an entitled rich bitch who has never paid for a thing in her life. Bitch. (TMZ)

Jeenifer Aniston tried to call Brad Pitt to “congratulate him” but his called was refused. Translation: Jennifer Aniston can’t let go and was using the call to Brad to cause trouble. Angelina fielded the call and and smacked Brad Pitt in the face with the phone further emasculating him. (Bricks and Stones)

Denise Richards: WILF. Figure it out. (Star Power)

Shannen Doherty is getting her own reality show on Lifetime called Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. If it was called Breaking Chairs Over Shannen Dougherty, I’d probably watch it. (Glitterati) . (PS. Glad you’re back Tina…)

The Entourage recap is online at GMMR. Still haven’t seen one god damn episode. Am I missing something? (GMMR)

Jessica Alba hangs out with her ex after the MTV Movie Awards.(The Bastardly)

The kid from A Christmas Story who shot his eye out is still alive and he’s in The Break Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. (ICYDK)

Kristin Cavallari drinks iced coffee dressed like a commando surfer. A sexy commando surfer. (Bricks and Stones)

Salma Hayek has great breasts. And she would like you to look down her blouse and see them. (I’m Not Obsessed)

Jared Leto has a band (for some reason) named 30 Seconds to Mars. It should be called 30 Seconds to Man-love. Get it? I’m insinuating that Jared Leto might be gay, see? (D-Listed)

J-Lo and Mark “Skeletor Grande” Anthony are officially the scariest couple EVAH. (IDLYITW)

Catherine Zeta Jones and Salma Hayek square off in a Bastardly boobie contest. Tears of joy people, tears of joy. (The Bastardly).

Lindsay Lohan wants to open a boutique in Paris where she will presumably sell compete shit to other entitled, no talent bitches. (VHT)

Nick Lachey seems to making his rounds. First he was rumored with wife Jessica’s assistant CaCee Cobb, then Miss Kentucky Lizzie Arnold, and then his brother Drew’s dancing partner Cheryl Burke. Now it appears that he is going after the teen heat, because he was recently spotted with Laguna Beach (star?) Kristin Cavalleri.

Page Six calls it a match made in Reality TV hell.

The item claims “Newlyweds” hubby Nick Lachey is hooking up with “Laguna Beach” babe Kristin Cavalleri. The swingin’ single ex of Jessica Simpson introduced his mother to bubbly blonde Cavalleri last week over dinner at Palomino in Westwood, Calif., tattles an eatery insider.

Lachey had previously enjoyed some rebound relief with buxom Miss Kentucky Elizabeth Ann Arnold, while Cavalleri had been dating former Olympian Bruce Jenner’s son, Brody.

I made that reference to star above because I don’t really believe that Laguna Beach was a reality show at all; it was completely scripted. I also use the the term star very loosely, because the only reason Kristin is famous is because she is a whiny rich bitch, from Southern California. I never watched Laguna Beach except for the times it was on mute in the background while I was throwing one on my world famous cocktail parties at Mercer House in Savannah. I would have turned it off but I couldn’t hold the mirror and the rolled up $100.00 bill steady for the naked strippers and work the remote. Jesus. I’m only human.

Share the naked celebrity goodness, y'all!

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