NSFW - Fatback Media

I have two things to say about these pictures of Kristin Cavallari and it is exactly this:

1. God
2. Damn

This is Kristin Cavallari who is famous because she is a spoiled rich bitch. Why is it that all the snotty, privileged rich kids who never appreciate anything are always so hot? Because God hates poor people, that’s why. True story. Don’t believe me? Take drive through St. Bernard Parish in Louisiana. Zing! God rulez.

Links for the rich folks:

• Pocketshots? Shotpaks? All I see are tits and drunk chicks. (Crave)
• Leslie is hot and she’s in college. So she’s the the Cute College girl of the week (CH)
• Zuda launches from DC Comics (Gutterbleed)
• Paris Hilton’s new movie sucks. Wait? She’s in a movie? (Yeeeah)
• Halle Berry has huge mommy tits (DS)
• Christa Campbell and her huge rack at the Spike Scream awards (Bastardly)

How the hell did I let Christmas sneak up on me like this? I need to get out do some shopping for all the supermodels in my life. Here are some sexy Monday links to get you in the mood for some internet shopping on-the-job. You’re such a little sneaker.

• Maria Menounos zips her way into the Spike TV Video Game Awards (Bastardly)
• Kristin Cavallari signs autographs at Kohl’s. Huh? (Bricks and Stones)
• Christmas boobies! (College Humor)
• Brad and Angelina have a House Party Frank LLoyd Wright style, yo! (Yeeeah)
• Jesus has the best links ever. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Prince is going to play the Superbowl Halftime show. (Glitterati)
• Tyra Banks avoids the nip slip. (Subvert Society)
• Kristin Bell wants you to save the boobies. (Celebutaint)

Here are a few older images of Michell Monaghan at the Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Premier.

So the site was down for over an hour today. Sorry if you couldn’t get through. I got it all worked out with GoDaddy and their hotass customer service reps. While I get the server back up to blinding speed see what going on around ‘nets.

College according to National Lampoon. (I still think PCU trumps them all. “We’re not gonna protest”) (College Humor)

Kristin Cavallari at the opening of Arena nightclub. Girlfriend still doesn’t have a job. Lazy. (The Bastardly)

Jesus gets another hot MySpace girl to send him bikini pics. Bless us everyone. (Drunken Stepfather)

Ivanka Trump and Lance Armstrong are banging. How long till Trump throws a bromm in spokes? (Gossip or Truth)

The Matthew’s separately (lovingly?) sporting the sack-grabber bike shorts while running. My boys need some wiggle room, ladies. I run commando. (BumpShack)

Paris Hilton’s crotch in full view again. I think it’s about time for her to get some syndications rights on that thing. (INO)

Alanis Morisette and Ryan Reynolds blah blah blah. I don’t give a shit. Click the link if you do. (Bricks and Stones)

Kate Winslet broke her has while filming a sex scene for a movie. Method acting rulez. Strasberg in the hizzle! (Yeeeah!)

Rachel Bilson somehow makes the Columbian drug-lord-Pocohontas look work. (Smart)

Absolutely no reason for Stacy Keibler, except she hasn’t been around in while…

So the site has been pretty quiet lately, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been working my ass off for you. I went through hell to get the juicy tidbits that I’ll be revealing this week. I can’t really say much about how, or what just yet, but the trip was like most of my relationships: it started off in a hot place, got awkward and ended in blood and tears (mostly my own). Here are the top stories from the weekend.

Kristin Cavallari has a MySpace Account. Her profile is set to private but I really want her to be my online friend. OMG. Right? ROFL!

Faceoff between Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel. Who works out the best in black tights. My money is on Jessica Biel because I fear her powerful muscles.(The Bastardly)

Veronica Mars Season 3 Synopsis from the ultra famous KS at GMMR. (GMMR)

Lindsay Lohan tells her mom to go to hell at a restaurant. Her mom asked to either start wearing panties or draw a face down there with a magic marker or something because people are getting freaked out. (Glitterati)

Tom Cruise just happened to go to a Redskins game and the owner of the Redskins just happened to give him 3 million dollars. Coincidence? (INO)

Hot or not: Elizabeth Banks? Go vote in a Bastardly way. (The Bastardly)

Ice T’s wife Coco is a classy lady. Except by classy lady I mean dirty whore. (INO)

Wondering which show you need to DVR tonight? Have no fear GMMR is on it like a bad case of updawg. Wait, redact that. Whatever. (GMMR)

Kristin Cavallari is drunk. (Bricks and Stones)

Crank reviewed by the always erudite Dustin over at Pajiba. Apparently, the film has more misogyny and objectification of females than I even pretend to have on this site. Sweet. Drive your pick-ups to the movie-plex. Bitches will be showing their boobies! (I do hate my mom though, but that’s another story.) (Pajiba)

(ed. note: In case you were wondering that picture above is from the movie Crank. I was trying to be ironic, bitches)

Kristin Cavallari continues to not have any skill whatsoever except for being outrageously hot. Below are some excerpt interview passages from the ultra-intelligent Blender Magazine.

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Oh, it’s just me.

When’s the first time you realized you were hot?
Same as any other girl, when we develop boobs and stuff. But I don’t consider myself hot — I still feel like the same big dork I’ve always been.

What’s the downside of being so darn hot?
Since so many people know who I am and know my business, I can’t get away with things I’d normally be able to. And I’m not 21, so going out can be a big issue. Then again, being hot can actually help with that problem, so it is good and bad.

What advice do you have for those who aspired to hotness?
Be yourself, don’t care what other people think, have a lot of confidence. Or at least make it look like you have a lot of confidence. Pretend if you need to.

Paris Hilton: hot or not?
Hot.

Cocaine?
Not.

MTV’s The Hills?
Not.

Hot Food?
Tuna tartar… although not literally.

Hot sexual position?
Depends on my mood, but girl-on-top… uh, is my dad gonna read this?

Hot schwag you bagged for free?
A $50,000 diamond ring from Sol Rafael—they just gave it to me, and no, I’m not engaged.

Hot celebrity baby?
Gwen Stefani’s — I love her.

Hot prescription drug?
Adderall, although that’s been around a while. I’m not saying I take it or anything.

What’s your fallback plan for when you inevitably lose your hotness?
I hope that I’ll be hot for a long time so I can make a lot of money and I can retire early and just travel. So, hopefully that will happen. (full interview)

Always nice to see that today’s ultra-privileged youth aren’t losing their unbelievable sense of entitlement. It’s really an inspiration to us all to see an apple cheeked rich girl who has never wanted for anything in her life or ever shed a tear of disappointment, talk about retiring at the ripe old age of 30 to “just travel”. I usually tell that story to my “kids” to make them appreciate what they have. They get it. They just cry through the smiles and keep sowing the sneakers like good little workers.

Apparently, Kristin Cavallari is back together with her boyfriend Brody Jenner and they have been speaking out about their break up and all the rumored hook-ups that they had while on a break.

“It’s hard reading about it, your ex-boyfriend hanging out or hooking up with these other girls, it’s just like a stab in the back,” says Kristin adding,”I read that I was dating Joaquin Phoenix and I’ve never even met him.”

Jenner says he’s the one who made the first move towards reconciliation while Cavallari was shooting a film in Oklahoma. “While she was on set I was thinking about her… I hadn’t talked to her, we ended on very sour terms, I just kind of got over it, sucked it all up and texted her ‘I love you’ … her text message back was ‘beep you!’” (source)

I never saw the show these to were on, so I have no idea why either of them are famous. I can only assume that the show consisted of beautiful teens having typical teen angst (Hummer or Range Rover?) and partying in bikinis all the time then calling their daddies to bail them out of a murder or a rape every now and again. Those silly kids!

Well the man, who is actually a woman, has been keeping a brotha down this week between all the work and the sexual harassment (I’m hot). So check out these top stories while I get caught up.

Last chance to check out the 2006 World Cup Babes! (The Bastardly)

TV Diva GMMR has the Emmy nominations. I see my pilot didn’t make it, again. (GMMR)

Sony are some Japanese racist mother fuckers. I think. Probably. Shit. I can’t tell.(YBF)

Lil Kim is free. So expect to see her giant boobies falling out of trashy clothing any day now. (Subvert Society)

Lindsay Lohan in Euro GQ looking hot and dirty. And hot. But Dirty. (Guilty Obsession)

Suri Cruise (Orange Pride!) has yet to be seen. Well, that’s because she is in the underground alien ship having her bodily fluids replaced by Dianectics. (INO)

Hilary Swank is a dirty tattle tale. Rehab is for quitters. (Tabloid Whore)

Ed. Note: There’s really no related reason to have that picture of Kristin Cavallari up there but her ass is so perfect that it made me cry a little. I gotta go.

While I finish off this bowl of Chicken and Dumplings, check out what’s going on around internet.

Woody Allen is a Perv. Oh, and he made a movie with Scarlett Johansson where he has sex with her everyday until the end of time. Wait. That might have been a dream I had. (Glitterati)

Norah Jones is filming a movie with Jude Law. They aren’t even dating yet and I think he has already cheated on her. (ICYDK)

Paris Hilton is god damn idiot. Oh, and she is attempting to be stylish by wearing gloves that she bought at Marshall’s. Stupid Irregulars. (VHT)

Alyssa Milano is hot, hairy Italian heat. As long as she shaves her legs, pits and her holier-than-thou then I’m in. (The Bastardly)

Givememyremote.com begins “The Office Summer Cartoon Series”, inked by super sexy artist Meg. Enjoy the Scrantonicity. (GMMR)

Ashlee Simpson turned down $4 million dollars to get naked for Playboy. Give me $40 and bottle of Tequila and I can have her dancing naked on the bar in 2 hours. Make sure you get a camera with a Flash. Oh, and photoshop me out of the pics, too. I have a secret identity to protect.(Tabloid Whore)

Wow. Another set of candids of Kristin Cavallari not doing anything but still remaining famous somehow. The best way to be really famous is to sleep with an super hot internet writer who has a double life as a crime fighter, like me. (Bricks and Stones)

At least one of the Beckhams has a skill. (Ed. Note: Ladies, don’t say I never think about you. Gratuitous man flesh follows)(Holly Scoop)

Speaking of soccer, and gratuitous flesh (the good kind) here’s Pamela David’s nude rack. I have no idea who she is, but as usual I fell in love with her immediately. (Subvert Society)

Nicole Kidman and Kieth Urban are on their honeymoon. I bet when they have sex it sounds like bag full of broomsticks hitting the ground. (INO)

It’s Tuesday lunch and here’s what’s going on around the web.

Kristin Cavallari may play Daisy Duke in the new prequel film The Inbred Dukes of Hazzard have sex with their cousin Daisy: The early Years. (I’m not Obsessed)

Paris Hilton is being sued for the car crash she caused. Unfortunately, she will not pay a dime because she is an entitled rich bitch who has never paid for a thing in her life. Bitch. (TMZ)

Jeenifer Aniston tried to call Brad Pitt to “congratulate him” but his called was refused. Translation: Jennifer Aniston can’t let go and was using the call to Brad to cause trouble. Angelina fielded the call and and smacked Brad Pitt in the face with the phone further emasculating him. (Bricks and Stones)

Denise Richards: WILF. Figure it out. (Star Power)

Shannen Doherty is getting her own reality show on Lifetime called Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. If it was called Breaking Chairs Over Shannen Dougherty, I’d probably watch it. (Glitterati) . (PS. Glad you’re back Tina…)

The Entourage recap is online at GMMR. Still haven’t seen one god damn episode. Am I missing something? (GMMR)

Jessica Alba hangs out with her ex after the MTV Movie Awards.(The Bastardly)

The kid from A Christmas Story who shot his eye out is still alive and he’s in The Break Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. (ICYDK)