NSFW - Fatback Media

The Heath Ledger story is rightfully dominating celebrity news, but it’s too sad to me to talk about so I’m going in the opposite direction and adding a little levity to today’s post. Levity in the form of two of the Kardasian sisters half-dressed. Now onto my observations on pictures of Kim and Kourtney:


1) Kim has saddlebags–check out the last photo below. It’s very rare that the public sees her hips without clothing on and unphotoshopped–usually on the beach she covers up in a towel. Now she was caught in the act so to speak, and I see a little saddlebag there on the photo right!


2) Saddlebags aside, Kim has an awesome, voluptuous body. I’m pretty sure her boobs are real too, and we’ll all be seeing a lot more of them since she is one of the new models for Travis Barker’s Famous Stars and Straps clothing line.


3) I’m totally crushing on Kim’s bathingsuit! Kourtney’s? Nah, not so much.


4) It looks a little too windy to be out on the beach in Miami. Oh wait, how else to better draw paparazzi attention than in very little clothing, i.e. bathing suits? Okay, now I get it, ladies!

So the reports of the Kim Kardashian Playboy shoot appear to be true. According to Us Magazine she’ll be on the December 2007 cover and inside she’ll be in a 12 page spread. Get it?

A Playboy source tells Us that Kardashian’s shoot reveals more than originally planned. Though her body is mostly draped in sheets and jewelry, the source says that Kardashian “will show one boob, and her bare butt.” (source)

Well, most of us have seen every inch of her already so the Playboy spread probably won’t raise too many eyebrows. Playboy is not exactly known for capturing staggering reality, so the pictures are likely to be so photoshopped that she’ll end up looking like Sienna Miller in a pirate outfit. Personally, I like my pornography with some veritas. I don’t need some art student trying to make me see the dichotomy of beauty and war by dressing a girl in scarves and photographing her on an oil tanker, I wanna see full-on raw nudity shot in someone’s shitty apartment with a Fuji Quicksnap. With penetration and cumshots and tears. Like real life!

R&B star and Kim Kardashian sex tape co-star (?) Ray J has dreams of becoming Mayor of Carson California, not a huge stretch considering Ahnold is the guvnah and Sonny Bono was a member of Congress. Except, Ray J is a naughty, naughty boy and his sex tape controversy may be keeping him out of office.

The singer/actor has huge political ambitions and his leaked sex tape, in which he cavorted with socialite Kim Kardashian, wrecked his bid to become Carson’s mayor this year (07) - but he isn’t giving up. He tells Sister 2 Sister magazine, “I might do it at the next election and let all of this controversy die down and then hit them harder.”

“I want people to look at other things besides rapping and singing… Young people 18 and older don’t vote. When I get people to start voting and start uplifting themselves in the political side of life… I’m making a change in the world. “I’m going to keep going. I’m going for president of the United States of America.” (source)

Ahh hahaha, “hit them harder”. That’s what she said. Seriously though, I’m all for electing porn stars to public offices. John Holmes can be the Thruster of the House. Linda Lovelace can play Bush. And Elisha Cuthbert can be the Fist Lady. (Okay I know she isn’t a porn star, but she played one once and that’s basically the same thing.) Sessions of Congress would really just be consecutive days of orgies and the State of the Union addresses would be broadcasts of classic hits like Ally McFeal, Nightmare on Dyke Street and Dial A for Anal. Holy shit, the ideas are rolling…where’s my pen??

Oh. Umm. We at FB&C acknowledge free love and its consequences so before you tag it, bag it. No glove, no love. And so on. Holla!

 

Well the Kim Kardashian sex tape brouhaha is about to be put to rest because apparently Kim Kardashian has settled with Vivid and they are pulling the tape.  I’m psyched, not only because I got to say brouhaha (say it!), but also because a) I watched for free (thanks internet!) and b) besides getting to see her big rack and her swallowing the happy ending, the vids were kinda weak.

Socialite Kim Kardashian has dropped a law suit against Vivid Entertainment for the release of Kim Kardashian Superstar, a sex video she made with her lover of three years, R&B artist Ray J, after Vivid agreed to pay her a financial settlement.

“We are pleased that Kim has dropped her legal action against us,” said Steven Hirsch, co-chairman of Vivid Entertainment in a statement released to Star. “We met with her several times and finally reached a financial arrangement that we both feel is fair.” The agreement is for Vivid to Kim for her hard work — a lump sum financial settlement for the sale of the DVDs.  (SOURCE)

So what’s the difference between a jobless, snotnose socialite who gets paid to have sex and a streetwalking whore? Marketing. Here’s Kim doing nothing and being famous for it. Maybe if I give her $100 bill she’ll take of her top. I think that’s fair.

According to the Star, Kim Kardashian is dating New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush. This isn’t really ground breaking because she’s just a spoiled rich bitch, but she has a nice rack, and I rarely get to post about sports. She swallows, Reg.

Although the NFL player came to the gathering with some friends, his time was mostly spent cuddling with Kardashian at her VIP table.

“The two were totally into one another and were thisclose as they spoke,” the source tells Star. “It was like they forgot there was a party going on around them.”  (source)

I have that effect on women too. I captivate them with my dreamy, crystal green eyes and mellifluous voice. They hardly ever notice the roofie I put in their cocktail. Oh, they would most likely sleep with me anyway, but I like to take their wallets. More Kim in West Hollywood.

Here’s Joanna Krupa at Fever Nightclub in Atlanta Ga. There’s really no reason except I like eastern European chicks and she’s partying down south in Hotlanta where it’s warm and dirty. Just like my martinis. Today is dedicated zero talk about American Idol or Antonella Barba or whether or not those pics are her. Promise. Unless some new untagged images land in my inbox. For reals.

In other even sexier news, we’re looking for writers here at FB&C so if you’re sexy, southern and funny drop us a line on the tips page and tell us why. You don’t really have to be southern, but you do have to be sexy and I’m a very harsh critic so photographic eveidence is probably best. Unless you’re a dude. The pay is shit, but I’ll make ya famous. Figure out why these links are better than my site:

• Cameron D smokin’ a fatass J. (IDLYITW)
• Eliza Dushku in a thong, thong, thong,thong, thong. (DS)
• GMMR was at the set of The Office yesterday. She told Rashida Jones I wanted her shit. I’m totally in. (GMMR)
• Kim Kardashian will not release sex tape. But she will destroy the Bajorans. (Bastardly)
• Angelina Jolie is jealous bitch. I guess I ruined her. Sometimes I can be so cruel. (Yeeeah)
• Movies released in February suck, duh. Even if the trailer was freakin’ awesome. (Pajiba)
• Nicole Ritchie might marry Joel Madden. Jimmy smokes crack and I don’t care. (Hail)
• Paris smoked crack and I don’t care. (City Rag)
• Spring is close so look at some trashy collge girl boobies (CH)

Images: source

With all this talk of death and wasted youth and drugs, it really got me reminiscing about the good ole days. Back when it was cool to have a nice natural rack and healthy curves. And people didn’t get famous by just being rotten rich whores. They earned that shit on the casting couch like real American heroes. Click the links and then check out Tia Carrere and her Hawaiian Punch. Tia Carrere still has it going on because A) she’s old school and natural and B) she’s not dead. Kudos!

• Anna Nicole Tribute: In a bastardly way (Bastardly)
• Halle Berry is pregnant?NOT MINE! (Yeeeah)
• Lindsay Lohan buys Marilyn Momroe’s house. History repeating? (Allie ia Wired)
• Kim Kardashian sex tape clips. I really hate what her people did to the Bajorans. (DS)
• Rosie Blogs about Anna. I couldn’t be more bored with this. (INO)
• Katharine Heigl is hot. And says some words on Martha. (Smart)
• Smokin Aces Reviewed. (Ocean’s 11 + Reservoir Dogs ) - coherent paceing = Mildy Awesome. (Pajiba)
• Megan Fox in FHM. She’s a BMF. (FHM)
• Newest Kim Kardashian Video Snippet with Kardashian Vagina (DS)