NSFW – Fatback Media

Apparently, Miss USA Tara Conner, late of Miss USA-gate has eschewed the girl-on-girl and cocaina for some quieter digs for the holidays and entered a rehab clinic. [I guess she got a reprieve because there were no photos of her making out with Miss Teen USA or doing coke]. That should teach Miss Nevada, Katie Rees a lesson: If you’re going to get buck wild, don’t do it at a bar. Do it at my house. Rehab is for quitters.

Tarnished beauty-pageant tart Tara Conner won’t be having many debauched late nights – or fast guys to spend them with — at her latest home, the Caron Foundation rehab center in Pennsylvania. In fact, reports the New York Daily News, Tara will be in bed by 11 o’clock at night, up at 6:30 in the AM, and will be doing chores like mopping, cleaning and making her own bed, just like all the other attendees of the $24,000-per-day facility. (TMZ)

For $24,000.00 a day, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be mopping and making my own bed. Unless it was a magical golden mop. And my mattress was stuffed with $1000 dollar bills and the sheets were naked supermodels. God bless us every one. I know you’ve seen these before, but it’s the holdays! And what better time tom make yourself feel better than someone else?

PS. Those NSFW Katie Rees (Miss Nevada) pics are still up and ready for you to wish you were at that bar that night right here.

Happy Holidays to you sad muthafuckas that have to work this week. Here are some links to waste time when you’re not photocopying your ass.

• Laura Csortan in Ralph Magazine. She may be my new Marissa Miller. You decide! (Bastardly)
• Mary Kate Olsen is a river with. Burn her. (Yeeeah)
• Faith Hill on Santa’s lap. Santa has no pants. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Keith Urban and Nicole reunited because he escaped from rehab. Not really. (Bumpshack)
• Tara Reid. Teh Hawtness. (ICYDK)
• Maxim’s Top10 for 2006. (Gossip or Truth)

G’day beautes! According to the ever so glamorous and accurate National Enquirer, Nicole Kidman is pregnant and recently announced the arrival to husband Keith Urban…in rehab! I love Hollywood! Urban is currently at the Betty Ford Clinic seeking treatment.

Two home pregnancy tests confirmed the 39-year-old actress is expecting her first child, sources say — but, ironically, her four-month marriage to country crooner Keith, 39, is in serious jeopardy. “Nicole’s dream of having a child finally came true when two home pregnancy tests came up positive,” an insider tells The ENQUIRER.

“But she’s devastated that Keith lied to her about kicking his addictions to booze and cocaine. She’s hoping the baby will save their relationship.” (source)

Mom “accidentally” dropped her diaphragm on a stack of open safety pins, thus “accidentally” poking a hole and I “accidentally” appeared nine months later. Apparently, a retired auto mechanic drawing disability was a solid candidate for fatherhood in spite of his penchant for stalking young women and his propensity for winding up in court. Naturally, that relationship didn’t last past breakfast and my presence only serves as a reminder that decisions are not best made while under the influence of Mad Dog 20/20 and Jerry Springer. The moral is: don’t have a baby to save your relationship unless you want that child to endure 13 years of therapy and countless sexual partners because you tried to make something out of nothing. I’m not bitter! No worries, Nicole, it’ll come good, love! Time for me to hit the turps. I speak Australian. I fucking rock!

While I have my morning coffee and cocaine (Like Stevie Ray!) check out these recent happenings.
Scott Stapp tries to explain how he wasn’t having sex with those girls he was having sex with on that tape with Kid Rock, who also did not have sex with the girls he had sex with. (Glitterati)

The sheriff from Invasion, William Fitchner, is going to join the cast of Prison Break because the assholes at ABC cancelled the best Sci-Fi show in 10 years. Bastards. (GMMR)

Elisabeth Shue, my ex-girlfriend, just had another god damn baby. Why don’t you rub it in my face a little more? (Bricks and Stones)

In case you weren’t aware, Britney Spears’ career is over. I’m surprised she lasted as long as she did. Bless her heart. (TMZ)

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman sent beers out to the paparazzi who were stalking them outside their house in Australia. Stupid photographers. Don’t they not to accept gifts from monsters. Did they not read Hansel and Gretel? (IDLYITW)

Speaking of Nicole Kidman…she’s not pregnant. Thank the white shores of Valinor! The beast has not reproduced. (yes I’m talking bout Keith “Mordor” Urban) (Tabloid Whore)

Keith Urban, probably the scariest guy I have ever seen, just got voted sexiest country star by what I can only guess are eyeless, cave-dwelling trolls with translucent skin who are living in the Appalachian Hills.

Nicole Kidman’s fiance Keith Urban has been voted the sexiest country music star.

The poll, conducted by US magazine Country Weekly, attracted over 32,000 votes with the singer grabbing the top spot ahead of Renee Zellweger’s former spouse Kenny Chesney.

Editor Bill Gubbins said: “The biggest surprise is how rapidly over the last couple of years Keith Urban has shot to the head of the class.”

Other male country singers to make the top ten were Toby Keith, Tim McGraw and Billy Ray Cyrus.(source)

Keith Urban looks like he would be more at home crashing an armor plated dune buggy into Mad Max than the sexiest country star but then again one of his competitor’s main asset was his mullet.

And now so your eyes will stop burning some real sexy country stars:

Ok. So Jaime Pressly and Marissa Miller aren’t country stars. But they are sexy.