So the Golden Globes were on last night I hear, but I’m pretty sure that they got the lowest ratings ever because the show was on against the Season Premier of 24: Part Awesome. I DVR’d the first half and watched 4 hours of 24 in row, so that makes me a hard core, 100% American killer of things not American. Like Jack F’ng Bauer. I could write about dresses and the red carpet and who got drunk at the Golden Globes, but I really don’t care right now because I am high on patriotism, nuclear radiation and Jack Bauer. There are two reasons nobody watches the Golden Globes:

1. No nudity (it’s called the Golden Globes, WTF?)
2. No Jack Bauer

I know Keifer showed up for the GG’s, but not as Jack Bauer. Because nobody was tortured, nuked or exposed as a terrorist at the Golden Globes. In case you missed the 24 Season Premiers, in which case you’re most likely on an FBI watch list anyway, you missed Jack Bauer kill a man by CHEWING THROUGH HIS NECK, and Jack killing CTU agent Curtis Manning (RIP), and a nuclear bomb exploding in Valencia CA killing 1000’s of people and those sweet, sweet oranges that I like so much. Ooops. Spoiler alert. Suckas. Here are some links to get you going on this day after Dr. King day.

• Super Sexy LaLa has the mission briefing from all 4 hours of the 24 Season Premier (GMMR)
• Jack Bauer at the Golden Globes. No nukes here, terrorist bitches. (BumpShack)
• Wikipedia entry for Valencia Ca. It already has the 24 nuke on it. That’s wiki-quick! (Wikipedia)
• 24 is the new Blog. (Trent)
• Jessica Biel at the Golden Globes. Hmm. Let’s see. OH! Jessica Beil should bang Jack Bauer. In a clandestine manner. (Bastardly)
• Keely Hazel sex tape. Ok….Ok. Keely Hazel. Um. Is a Chechen terrorist. And she’s giving dude a BJ on tape. Bitch. (Yeeeah)

I’m spent. And I can’t wait for next Monday at 9. Now…24 hotties.