NSFW – Fatback Media

Miss New Jersey Ashley Harder has stepped down from her throne, stating she is pregnant. Jesus, condoms should be these girls’ platforms. Especially that Miss Nevada, she’s a dirty, dirty girl.

The Philadelphia Daily News reports that the 20-year-old Harder has voluntarily stepped down, because it’s against pageant rules to compete while pregnant. (source)

We didn’t have high glamor beauty pageants in my hometown, unless you consider the Miss Vidalia Onion Festival a glamorous title, but that only meant you were hotter than the blue-ribbon pig. The problem was just this, if you weren’t knocked up, you were too busy pulling double shifts at the Piggly Wiggly in hopes of getting the fuck out of dodge, no time for fancy shmancy pageants. Anyway, we’re now taking bids on who’s the next beauty to go and why. I vote Miss Nebraska…in the bathroom stall…with Miss Kansas. CLUE rocks.

That’s the salacious headline folks, but according to Page Six the photo spread of the hot Kentucky native may be anything but sexy and southern, y’all.

A job is waiting when Tara Conner gets out of rehab. Playboy wants to shoot the troubled Miss USA for its cover. Donald Trump and his execs at the Miss Universe Organization are mulling the offer. Conner, who hails from a small town in Kentucky, was nearly stripped of her title after it was alleged she was having sex with sleazy nightclubbing cads who were giving her cocaine. Said an insider, “If Trump allowed her to do it, it would have to be in good taste.” Which means she’ll keep her top on. (source)

Why is she even considering Playboy anyway? Playboy is like Maxim-plus or something. I’ve seen better nudity in the bible. She should show her wild southern spirit and pose for something raunchy like Cheri or Hustler where the photo shoots are done in mobile homes and there’s usually somebody’s oxygen tank toting grandmother smoking cigarettes in the background of the double dong lesbian anal dildo scenes. Here are some more Tara Conner pics in case you forgot what she looked like.

So, some quick site news for you while I type this on a circa 1950′s ARPANet keyboard from the basement of my private bunker. I’ve had the week off, and apparently so has my server and all the people who work at my hosting company. We’re trying get everything up and running but my laptop also crapped out because it is a dirty whore. Speaking of. Here are the top 10 whores of 2006.

1. My server. Whore
2. My Laptop. Whore
3. My databases. All whores.
4. The bitch who paid for her Starbucks this morning from a change purse using mostly pennies. Whore. (this is technically a 2007 whore, but I’m sure this bitch has been whorish for sometime.)
5. Britney Spears’ vagina. Red, chaffed Whore.
6. Lindsay Lohan’s vagina. Crabby, red whore.
7. Paris Hilton’s DNA. Every living cell = whore.
8. Gossip bloggers. All whores. But we love each other, right?
9. Perez Hilton. A real whore’s whore.
10. Mom. Still whoring after all these years.

Honorable mentions go out to Tara Conner and Katie Rees for whoring up the holidays. So. Hopefully I’ll have some good shit on deck later today, till then. Stay whorish you fucking whorey whores!

Apparently, Miss USA Tara Conner, late of Miss USA-gate has eschewed the girl-on-girl and cocaina for some quieter digs for the holidays and entered a rehab clinic. [I guess she got a reprieve because there were no photos of her making out with Miss Teen USA or doing coke]. That should teach Miss Nevada, Katie Rees a lesson: If you’re going to get buck wild, don’t do it at a bar. Do it at my house. Rehab is for quitters.

Tarnished beauty-pageant tart Tara Conner won’t be having many debauched late nights – or fast guys to spend them with — at her latest home, the Caron Foundation rehab center in Pennsylvania. In fact, reports the New York Daily News, Tara will be in bed by 11 o’clock at night, up at 6:30 in the AM, and will be doing chores like mopping, cleaning and making her own bed, just like all the other attendees of the $24,000-per-day facility. (TMZ)

For $24,000.00 a day, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be mopping and making my own bed. Unless it was a magical golden mop. And my mattress was stuffed with $1000 dollar bills and the sheets were naked supermodels. God bless us every one. I know you’ve seen these before, but it’s the holdays! And what better time tom make yourself feel better than someone else?

PS. Those NSFW Katie Rees (Miss Nevada) pics are still up and ready for you to wish you were at that bar that night right here.

Happy Holidays to you sad muthafuckas that have to work this week. Here are some links to waste time when you’re not photocopying your ass.

• Laura Csortan in Ralph Magazine. She may be my new Marissa Miller. You decide! (Bastardly)
• Mary Kate Olsen is a river with. Burn her. (Yeeeah)
• Faith Hill on Santa’s lap. Santa has no pants. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Keith Urban and Nicole reunited because he escaped from rehab. Not really. (Bumpshack)
• Tara Reid. Teh Hawtness. (ICYDK)
• Maxim’s Top10 for 2006. (Gossip or Truth)