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This is Katie Price aka Jordan aka Giant Tits McGee (not really) kicking it it Cairns, Australia. I originally posted these as Jordan in Cannes (France) because, you know the film festival is there and she’s such a big film star. HAHAHAHAHA. My stars. Anyway.

It’s ironic because Cairns and Cannes are pronounced the same. I know, right? Coincidence? I think not. Okay yeah it’s probably a coincidence, but it’s naked boobies just the same. I really like her new “smaller” tits. The scars look scary but I would still motorboat the hell out those things.

Holy God.

Looks like Jordan aka Katie Price is about monetize a vertical market strategy. Oh, she’s not that smart. Somebody figured out how to make money off a girl that gets drunk and shows her tits a lot.

GLAMOUR girl JORDAN is aiming to bring out her own range of condoms and sex toys. The goods, including vibrators and massage devices, will have a logo featuring the busty model’s naked silhouette.

Jordan has applied to the UK Intellectual Property Office to have the symbol registered. She is also launching more traditional toys and even fruit machines. The 29-year-old star has already registered a logo in her real name, KATIE PRICE, for haircare appliances - with hearts above the “I’s”.

She wants to extend it to a range of other products, including jewellery, clothing and cosmetics - and even horse whips and saddlery. (Sun UK)

Saddlery? I hope whoever is the brains behind this operation keeps a tight rein over Jordan and her capricious ideas, because that last thing I want to see at the Blockhouse Steeple chase is an English saddle with a Sybian on it. Tally-ho!

Now this is a book signing I’d like to attend. Usually you have an author who’s a greasy haired shut-in that smells like cigarettes and Hot Pockets signing books for a crowd of 8 or 9 at the Barnes and Noble. However, Jordan takes this shit seriously. She showed up dressed like Wonder Woman’s slutty stripper sister with confetti male models and proceeded to show everyone her nipples. Advantage: Jordan.

Here’s the official description of Jordan: Pushed to the Limit, the sequel (oh yeah, that’s right) to her last book Jordan: A whole New World.

Picking up where Jordan: A Whole New World left off, this is an up front and intensely personal account of life in front of and behind the cameras, by Britain’s favourite celebrity, Jordan, aka Katie Price. (Amazon)

Because research is my kryptonite, I offer the following made-up synopsis of the book (SPOILER ALERT):

Hi I’m Jordan. I have big tits and I like to fuck rich guys. Tee hee! I’m an author! Just like Judge Judy! My life is really hard. Boo hiss! Wanna see my tits? The End.

More book coverage of the titular Jordan.