NSFW – Fatback Media

…or at least those boots are. Damn Girl. Thats’s the album cover for Krazy Kat’s new album, which drops today and is filed under the genres of “Sucks” and “Who Cares”. And don’t be thinking I’m some kind of Kat Hater or Talyor Hicks luvah. I just hate shitty music.

I’m quite sure I defied the laws of physics trying to see under Katharine’s dress. But I have an eerie feeling when I got under there, I’d find a chastity belt of pure American steel that reads, “Not this rainbow, fucker� then she’d summon the scientology aliens to leave me in a lust-induced coma and walk away with my wallet. That’s the mark of a pure sexpot. Lure you in then stab you right in the balls. Aside from that, my only complaint is lack of plunging neckline and copious cleavage. If you got it, flaunt it, sista. I know I do.

More of that DYN-O-MITE cleave.

American Idol runner-up and unceasingly sexy, Katharine McPhee recently stated that she took some scientology courses because she was obsessed with a guy who was into it.

“I took a couple of courses. It was really all about a guy.” McPhee, 22, said. “It was a guy that I was totally obsessed with — not obsessed with but totally into and, you know, guys and girls can do that to our lives and make us think we’re into something that we’re not.” (source)

Obsession can be a bitch. Especially when that bitch waits outside your apt with a loaded .38, a mix CD and note pinned to her chest that says, I told you not to fuck with me, I could’ve changed for you. Can I help it if the ladies are swooned by my liquid green eyes, roguish charm and Deluxe Wustoff Knife set?

Here’s Katharine Mcphee last week out and about with no makeup on which makes me want to pillow fight her after breakfast in bed on a Sunday morning.

Even on the 50″ Plasma screen that I have in the bathroom of my secret island hideout, American Idol still sucks. How about Jewel being a rotten bitch? I guess all that time living in van, giving handjobs for chilli-cheese fries made her kinda jaded. What doesn’t suck is Katharine McPhee’s giant rack. Yeah, I guess she can sing and all, but just by seeing her cleavage at the Golden Globes after party I think I cured a future prostate cancer and I just got out of my wheelchair for the first time in 3 years. I want a puppy. Here are some more images of the healing powers of Katharine’s rack. I think it’s just four copies of the same picture though. Be healed.

American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee, whose vocal talents were second only to her amazing cleavage, just released her first single off her new album since finishing the Idol contest. The reviews were mixed. And by that I mean, it sucks.

Anyone expecting to hear the young woman who wooed audiences on American Idol will be sorely disappointed.
The mid-tempo dance song never really goes anywhere interesting and Ka’s voice is buried in an over-produced web of synthesizers, unimaginative drum machine programming and processing.

Don’t get me wrong; Kat has a great, natural voice. It’s just that you can barely hear it.

As for the song’s melody… well, there hardly is one. The song’s loud, thumping bass drum and tinny snare accents overwhelm any significant song structure or harmony….

Think Gwen Stefani’s ‘Hollaback Girl’, only more insipid, repetitive and nauseating. (source)

Notwithstanding the fact that the music industry has reduced the production process to pushing any idiot in front on a mic for 6 hours and auto-tuning the vocals to the point where even the singer can’t recognize their own voice, this brings up an important point. Why listen to a girl when you can stare at her amazing chest and nod? Oh that and, American Idol is a popularity contest not a singing contest and there is no real need to record a Katharine McPhee album. Sure she can sing, but my pet monkey can kind of sing, but he doesn’t look as hot in a low cut blouse and hot pants, now does he. But don’t tell him that. He’s sensitive. Pussy.