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K-Fed, Super Dad

Fatback — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 12:05:28 +0000

In an interesting turn of events, K-Fed is giving Britney a good kick in the balls sheâ€™s grown. Donâ€™t tell me she doesnâ€™t have them. Any chick who shaves her head has a set hidden somewhere.

K-Fed Up should be his new moniker. He is sick and tired of his Exâ€™s stupidity and believes the kids would be better off with him. I say, good for him. Take your kids from the crazy bitch! Cracking into cars, giving the paparazzi crotch shots (which Fatback loves, ya know), and doing only god knows what the fuck all else, surely isnâ€™t the example you want for your kids.

I never thought I would see the day when I thought K-Fed was a stand up parent, but hey, hell does freeze over occasionally it seems. ‘Course he could just be in it for the money.

As we first reported, K-Fed is going back to court asking for more custody of the kids. Federline just agreed to a 50/50 split. Then, he turned around almost immediately and filed papers asking for 70/30. So why such a sudden change of heart? (source)

It sucks that even in todayâ€™s courts you have judges who think the mother is the perfect one for the kids. Not so. Plenty of hot men out there who are excellent fathers. No, I have no clue what the fuck their hotness has to do with it, but damn, I like me some beefalicious daddy.

Alright, catch you later, got to recharge the batteries to the Venus.

These aren’t new, but neither is Britney Spears’ Schadenfruede.

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K-Fed is C-list at Best

Fatback — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 00:07:05 +0000

Hey everybody, long time no see. Shooter here has been busy learning that coffee is for closers only (and that 2nd place is a set of steak knives). Since we last were able to waste 10 minutes out of the workday together, quite a bit has gone down. Between Paris getting sprung from the clink and LiLo deciding that it takes more than a month to kick your coke habit, I know you guys have missed me. I was going to start out with some comments on Chris Benoit, but I figured that might be a little hypocritical–after all, no one enjoys a good grocery bag/belt-noose combo around the neck like yours truly. So until a non-AA related story pops up, here’s a true story for you to enjoy:

A couple of Shooter’s pals were in Miami Beach this past weekend for a Bachelor Party. They were holed up in a bungalow at the Delano (Shooter’s boys don’t roll lightly) when, on the way to their pleasure palace, they spotted our old friend K-Fed. Apparently Kevin (that’s what he likes to be called now that he’s a serious actor for reals) didn’t appreciate being called out as a “D-list actor, everyone!” in front of the papparazzi, and he tried to regulate up in the bungalow. This story would have had a sad ending if Kevin had been able to retaliate, but the prolific baby daddy wasn’t allowed into the bungalow area.

I don’t bring this up to glorify my boys’ spending habits–while solid, they’re not Trump-level just yet. But I think the moral of the story is this: When you’re 2 forearm tattoos deep into an ill-conceived body art campaign, when your first baby momma has a tummy tuck and the second one looks like a goddamn yeti, and when you start getting denied access to hotels where any jerk with $300 and a towel around his waist can command the attention of any chick in the place, it’s time for you to realize that the clock of your 15 minutes of fame is reading 15:30.

Since Britney has jumped the shark, Paris says she’s found God (okay……..), and LiLo is trying to clean herself up, I think that this year’s crop of celebs is just entering their own. Move aside, old news. The new kids are here to stay. And with that, I give you these completely unrelated pics of the oh so sexy Rhianna. May her nipples breathe freely and her underwear be scarce.

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Britney and K-Fed may be back together

Fatback — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 15:56:08 +0000

Britney Spears is rumored to be reconciling with her ex-husband Kevin Federline, to the bewilderment of her close friends. Apparently, on her recent vacation she revealed that she was getting back together with K-Fed.

“When she was on vacation she was in the best mood she’s been in for ages, ” says an insider. “She confessed it was because she and Kevin are slowly moving towards getting back together…”

[T]ime has given the couple the opportunity to remember the good times they once shared. Now, each time Kevin drops off their sons Sean, 21 months, and Jayden, nine months, he stays for hours â€” and sometimes even overnight. (source)

So, K-Fed married Britney, fathered two children and bled her finances like a stuck pig for over 2 years. She divorced him for being a lying, cheating gold digger, left him with a multi million dollar settlement and now she wants to get back together with him. That makes perfect sense! Like episodes of CSI Miami. Those silly criminals always confessing without an attorney present in the bazillion dollar NASA-esque police station. When will they learn?

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Kevin Federline’s White Trash Search Engine

Fatback — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 22:23:54 +0000

In a marketing ploy that could only have been thought up by a gang of bonged out monkeys, www.searchwithkevin.com is a new online search engine that allows users to “Search the internet with Kevin Federline!” By using the site you can win autographed K-Fed memorabilia, although sadly, used wife-beaters, uncreased Yankees hats, and gold chains aren’t being offered. The same company that came up with this idea is also behind a few new promotions that you might see in the coming weeks–”Pick up chicks with Pacman Jones”, “Needle safety with Pete Doherty”, and “Contraceptive use with Tom Brady”.

In the meantime, check out these pics of Alabama-bred hottie Courtney Cox. Sure, she played an eye-gougingly huge pain in the ass on TV, but she’s still a smoking-hot MILF and a potential cougar rolled into one. Enjoy, you little bastards.

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Better than hoecakes and gravy

Fatback — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 18:18:32 +0000

Looks like half the internet is down today kids. Or at least all the blogs I read anyway. We’ve even had a hiccup or two on our grid, but I rappelled into the server banks and silently dispatched the cyber-terrorist network with only 1 second left on the bomb. I was back in time to post and have a 3 dirty martini lunch, too. Read the lines. Click the links. Can’t stop the signal.

White girl gangsta bitch, keepin’ it real. (BWE)
K-Fed and Brit-Mom rally to save Brit-666. (Bumpshack)
March Madness means more college girl boobies. (CH)
Naomi Campbell mops floors. She better get the bathroom too. (Gossip or Truth)
Brooke Hogan is a gangsta bitch. Better not get outta pocket, ho. (Jordan)
Tom Brady still dating Giselle. Bridget Moynahan still knocked up. (Holly Scoop)

Just so you don’t get bored here’s a newly redheaded Lindsay Lohan fresh out of rehab and apparently ready to entertain you with an assortment of songs and magic.

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