NSFW – Fatback Media

Hope you all had a fun filled Easter Weekend celebrating the rabbit that lays chocolate eggs who brought that Jewish guy back from the dead, or whatever that’s all about. I just drank a lot and had sex fourteen times. Which is kinda the same thing. Paganism is the shit. Switching gears from religion to awww, aint that cute as a button, here’s Jessica Simpson, wearing a homemade dress frolicking with John Mayer on the beach in a totally non-staged day of fun in the sun overcast clouds.

LINKS!

• Totally sweet spoiler of the next Heroes Episode. Linderman is a hero too? (Heroes Forum)
• Dita Von Tease gets naked. Again. Never gets old, but GF needs some vitamin D. (DS)
• Avril Lavigne is a sell out. But I’m sure she’s totally hardcore on the inside. (Tasteful)
• Kirsten Dundst got dumped. SFW? (Yeeeah!)
• Jenna Haze drinks something ut I’m just staring at her rack. (Bastardly)
• Scarlett Johansson tries to un-whorify herself. (Bumpshack)
• Charlotte Church is a big black girl. (DListed)
• Celebrities smoking pot, for you fetishist. (City Rag)

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer made some noise recently by having loud sex in a Rome hotel on a recent visit to the Italian city.

 The ‘Employee of the Month’ actress was seen having dinner with the American musician in the romantic Italian city before heading back to the exclusive luxury Hotel de Russie.

When they got back to their room the couple’s energetic bedroom antics could reportedly be heard through the walls.

A source revealed to More magazine: “Jessica and John got back fairly early and stayed in all night. But by the sounds of it, they didn’t get to sleep for a long time.

“This woman was saying she couldn’t believe Jessica sounded like she was getting it on so loudly in the room next door.”(source)

What I can’t believe is how easy it is to bang Jessica Simpson. If I had known all I needed was 2 first class tickets to Rome, accommodations in a 5 star hotel, a mellifluous singing voice and mad guitar chops, I would have an extra notch on commemorative “number of girls I have banged” trophy. Oh, it may look like an ordinary mop handle to you, but to me it’s the story of true love. I have vision. And a chipped up mop handle.

Jessica Simpson, who’s currently dating singer John “LuckyFuck” Mayer, recently told an interviewer that she wants to adopt a baby.

So what’s getting Jessica in the mothering mood? Her dogs, at least according to the New York Post’s Cindy Adams. But the pop princess, whose been cavorting all over America with boyfriend John Mayer, isn’t quite ready to pump out little Jesses. (source)

Well that makes perfect sense. I like that we are looking to our pets for inspiration now. Why wait to have kids until you’re financially and emotionally prepared, when you can watch a puppy piss on your new rug and go buy a baby instead? I’ll tell you why. Because that’s what idiots do. Children are not toys that you can discard later when you’re bored.  Children are people. Little, tiny, not very smart people with small hands so they can get into all that machinery down at the factory better. Plus they’ll work for food.

The only pictures I could find of Jessica were of her walking in the rain the other day and since this site is about taking Awesomeness for ride into Funtown then slipping it a roofie, having rough sex with it then leaving it tired and smoking a menthol in the bed of a 4X4, I’m posting some pictures of April Scott as Daisy Duke in the Prequel series Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning.  Because before they became the Dukes, they were just redneck cousins fucking each other for moonshine.

I’m a sexy superstar who reads Details magazine, so I know a lot about fashion. [For instance, did you know that the square toe shoe is so totally out right now? Well according to the manly men at Details it is. So take your Aldo discount shoes and just give 'em to a homeless guy or get laughed at by masculine fellows like me, dude.] Why is Ashlee Simspon wearing my grandmas jacket? Why do people in LA think it’s cool wear frumpy clothes just because it’s winter everywhere else? It’s 75 degrees every damn day in Los Angeles. You’re not fooling anyone Ashlee. Except my grandma. Who wants her cloak back you bitch.

Click the links:

• Mischa Barton has nice legs (DS)
• Mischa Barton’s sister is a god damn lunatic (Bastardly)
• Paris Hilton’s big fake tits (Bumpshack)
• Mardi Gras Boobies. (CH)
• If you can’t jackoff on a guy on the set of American Idol, then what kind of country is this? (Yeeeah)
• Jennifer Hudson gets free Burger King for life because she’s bitch. (INO)
• The 300 premiered this week. Everybody dies. Read a book. (Pajiba)
• Moby wants to make sweet sweeet love to Britney Spears. Not really. (Holly Scoop)